Blindsided by breakup

Sorry this is so long but I would really appreciate anyone taking the time to read and give me advice/opinions. I need to know if anyone else comes to the same conclusion that I do.

After a three and a half year wonderful relationship, my girlfriend sent me a text message saying she was breaking up with me. I am completely heartbroken and devastated. We have been having minor problems. She said I wasn't paying enough attention to her a few months ago, so I started spending more time with her, cuddling more, sending sweet texts during the day, leaving love notes around the house for her to find, asking her on dates, everything I could think of. I was frustrated because she doesn't help around the house, I have been asking her to do more for over a year and she never does, but I just accepted it. I cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the dog, shop. She doesn't have to do anything at home. I have bought one hat in 2 years and she goes clothes shopping and spends hundreds of $ two times a month. I pay most of the bills and for her shopping.

She broke up with me saying she wanted to be more independent. I tried talking to her about what she meant but she couldn't give me straight answers and said 'I don't know' to most things. We still live together until she finds a new place. she was going to make me move out but I told her no because everything in our apartment is mine and I pay the bills and I wasn't going to be dumped and kicked out.

A few weeks ago she left her Facebook open and I saw some messages between her and her 'friend' where they were calling each other boo and baby, sweetie, etc. They were planning on meeting up with a group of people to have dinner. I asked her about it and she said that they were just friends and they just met and she was sorry and it was stupid of her to go along with it, stating he started it. I told her I felt disrespected but forgave her.

After she said she wanted to break up, I have been so upset I have been throwing up, can't eat, start crying when I think about it and am completely miserable. She acts like nothing is different, and is all smiles as if nothing has changed. In the last 5 years my dad and best friend have died and breaking up with her feels worse than both combined. I love her more than anything in the world and am willing to do ANYTHING to keep her and have told her that. I don't want to live without her.

My questions to everyone is, am I correct in thinking that she is cheating on me? That she either has been or has someone that she is going to run to as soon as he moves out? Please tell me what you think.

Sorry I wrote so much. any opinions are appriciated


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Most Helpful Girl

  • i am going through a break up at the moment too. I would say you are very correct I feel as if she is more "emotional" cheating than physically. I think if she was physically cheating she would show more signs of guilt. but because she is emotionally cheating she isn't feeling anything but the new rush and excitement of someone else making her feel good. although it doesn't really make sense why she would emotionally cheat. you gave her a lot of attention when she complained she needed it which is the number one reason why women seek out other men to give them attention when they are lacking some.

    I think she is suffering from the she doesn't know what she has until its gone syndrome and is used to being very spoilt. you do everything for her, she knows she can get away with so much and that you will never leave her. and that you will even take her back after she stuffs up. why the hell would she change?! think about it. she has no reason to change. she even knows that if her little "break:" from you doesn't work out you will be waiting with open arms for her.

    I know its really really much easier said than done. but if she's cheating she is already cheating so you don't need to worry about the thought of a little extra space driving her in the arms of somene else because if that is going to happen its happening now anyway. So I suggest you turn the tables on her. scare her a bit. make her realize you will not put up this behavior and will not be waiting for open arms forever for her. I think you need to compleletey cut her off. pretend she doesn't exist. ignore her calls. don't see her for a bit. make her freak out. not knowing what you are thinking or doing. if this doesn't get a reactionn from her I don't know what will. and in the process it will aloow you to detattach a bit and get a bit of perspective. so not only will this method a) maybe help you get her back but b) it will help you heal if she doesn't come back. so win win.

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    • also this behavoiur is usually a pattern and will repeat itself. how can you even trust somene with your heart that makes you feel this way. if you love someone you don't set them on fire and watch them burn.

What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly I think she's cheating but I don't understand why she would cheat on you because you seem to be a total sweetheart. I think she is crazy for hurting you. If a guy treated me like you treat your now ex girlfriend I would be the happiest girl on earth:);)

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    • I love her more than anything and I will do anything to make her happy. I think it is my job to take care of her because I do love her and she deserves the best. I was afraid that my assumptions were correct, and having others here the situation and agree solidifies what I already thought. She is 21 and I am 28 so I thought some of it was of age and maturity, but I think that I am just being used and cheated on. Thank you for taking the time to respond, I really appreciate it.

What Guys Said 3

  • It sounds very much like she has grown bored in the relationship with you, and that YOU are the only one with a 'relationship', and have been for qutie some time, to be honest. She's jsut been a roommate with benefits.

    Yes, she probably has someone else already lined up. Boo, baby, and sweetie aren't 'just ffiends' monikers, right? And you only saw her message once..probably many others are there, in the same vein.

    She doesn't even have enough respect for you to make the effort to hide it. Why FAcebook this..she could have used e mail which, if you didn't have her password, would be harder to trace, assuming she deleted his e mails as she should have, out of common decency!

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  • I don't know what to tell you, bro. It seems like she wanted to go out there and mess around with another guy while you did most of the work and upkeep. You're gonna have to steel your resolve and confront her as to what it is that she truly wants. You're willing to make this work out, but she needs to understand that, but before anything can be done she needs to be more honest with you. You see where I'm going with this? Otherwise, you might have to leave her for good. Find another girl out there who's more caring and faithful.

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    • I will do anything for her and have told her that. Thank you for taking the time to respond, I think I am going to have to confront her on all of this and see what she has to say. Again, thank you.

  • You're not correct about jumping that she's cheating.

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    • I really hope that she isn't, but with all she is doing that is just what is seems like. I want to be wrong, what should I get from her behavior? What do you get from it? I want to find an alternative explanation.

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