Would you think less of a girl you're seeing if she went all the way on the first date?

I met this guy on a seminar for small business owners. We talked, and when people weren't around, he gave me his card and told me to shoot him an e-mail. I did. He called me and we had a really amazing date. afterward, I invited him upstairs, just to see where things would go. I just got a good vibe from him, and he was really laid back and comfortable to be around - like not pushy or eager.

So, as we were getting high and watching movies, we started to make out and... well... stuff happened. I enjoyed it at the moment, but then as soon as it was over, I couldn't help feel horrible. It was like this sense of a generalized shame/anxiety/guilt, even though I didn't really do anything wrong or bad.

I'm just worried if he thinks less of me now. I mean, I got a really good feeling from him. He's already called me again and we've gone out on another date, but nothing happened that time. He's a lawyer, so I don't want him to see me as someone that's not serious or someone he'd be embarrassed to present to his colleges, friends, and family as his girlfriend.

Guys? Am I over-thinking this? Should I just not make sex a big deal and just do whatever I feel like doing with him on our next dates? Or, should I slow things down so he doesn't get the wrong impression? Do you think I gave him the wrong impression of the kind of girl I am?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No, I wouldn't.

    Though usually if a girl asks that question, I'd have to lie and pretend that I would, since girls always judge girls like that - and they want to believe that men do too.

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    • Well, if you're just doing it to joke around, that's messed up. Girls take stuff like that really seriously. If you're just conforming, then you're giving girls the wrong idea. I don't understand why you would conform and not just express how you really feel? Is that how you really feel?

    • Because girls are judgmental - lots of times they think they want an honest answer to a question, and they don't. They only think they do.

      Years of experience has taught me to lie to girls when they really want a lie, especially if they don't know they want a lie.

    • I can see why you think that. I agree with you in the sense that girls do create this culture of trying to get men to conform to self-serving morals, rules, or norms that benefit girls. BUT, that doesn't mean that girls don't want to know the truth about how guys actually feel.

What Guys Said 3

  • I am a man with a good job and I date women all the time. I try to have sex with all of them. If I succeed, I continue to have sex with them and if I like them I develop feelings for them and sometimes fall in love, if you let me doggy style pound you on the first date then tried to cut me off, then I would keep you around as a f*** buddy but would be playing you like a fiddle.

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    • Why? What about that would rub you the wrong way? What would you be thinking?

    • I would be thinking, we've had sex, we both enjoyed it, we get along great, now she wants me to try and p****whip me with me getting any p****.

  • of course not.

    I hate the way some people think there's some attached value to holding off and being hard to get.

    Its true, waiting can make that first time a lot more special (albeit with weeks of pain before it). But respect? There's no respect gained or lost for a girl having sex with you.

    I guess you're American?

    In Europe we don't date. That's a very American thing. In Europe relationships START with the sex.

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    • I hear what you're saying. It's kind of hard when you've grown up the a contrary message. It's sort of like religion. Kind of hard to wake up one day and stop believing in Santa but somehow reject the notion of an equally imaginary omnipotent superpower. As for the Europe comment, I've been to Greece - the most oversexed country in the world, and even there, guys date. They don't get into relationships, but they do take girls out on dates.

  • The harder you are to be achieved creates value.

    I would think less of a girl that does go all the way but only slightly.

    But in other words, I respect a women more that is harder to get. So I know the feeling that she is a prized possession.

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    • So, if you had to work harder and wait longer to get $40,000 a year, you would value it more than if you won the lottery and got $500,000,000? In terms of objective value, $500,000,000 > $40,000. So, it's obviously not the case that the thing you've waited longer or worked harder to attain is actually worth more objectively. But, you're saying that in your mind, subjectively, you feel it's worth more?

    • Poor choice of comparison.

      Please go take philosophy 101.

    • You're free to illustrate or highlight the error. Nobody is stopping you.

What Girls Said 2

  • well usually guys don't take you seriously when you sleep with them the first time although he might actually really like you but have to play the right cards... like he has to take you on dates and not have sex all the time you guys hang out... and you will be able to figure this out with time seeing if he wants to get to know you as a person or if he really is just using you for sex

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    • I know what you're saying, but I just don't really believe in that. I've been with guys that I've waited a long time and they've left or cheated on me shortly after. I've been with guys that I've had sex with soon and they've been very long relationships. So, I don't think there's any truth to that, at least not for me. Thank you though!

  • He seems like he's pretty intersted in you. You say he calls you right? I think your good:) just don't give up too easy ALL the time. Make him work for it;)

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    • Why?

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    • So he doesn't think he can just get it wheneveer he wants. So he doesn't think he can just use you for that and think that that's all you want.

    • I'm so confused. Why would he think that's "all" I want? Clearly, he's not "just using me" for that. And why is it "bad" or a "negative" thing for him to think or feel that "he can just get it whenever he wants"? How should I make him feel, like he's not going to get it when he wants? I'm sure that's exactly the kind of girl every guy is dying to be with. I think this is beyond the scope anyway. How does this shed light on how he feels about me?

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