What did I do wrong on my first date?

I finally worked up the courage to join a dating site. I filled out a few questions, talked to a few guys. One guy I really liked talking to. We were both into video games and talked a lot for about one week. We were both afraid of rushing into things and shared the same fears and doubts of meeting each other. He was a very genuine guy, wasn't judgmental, wasn't looking for just sex, he really wanted to get to know me. Or so I thought.

We finally meet a week later and of course it was a little awkward. Silent moments here and there, but we grabbed a bite to eat and he paid. He was very sweet and we laughed and shared a few stories together. It was getting really quiet sitting at the table so he suggested we go for a drive. I felt a lot more comfortable talking to him while he was driving. I guess cause we didn't have to be face to face, less pressure. There were still odd silent moments but I felt like we both knew it was just how first dates work. He kept saying "I think were doing pretty well for a first date" and he kept asking me if I was having a good time and I reassured him I was. I really liked just spending time with him and slowly getting to know him. After about an hour of driving he said "We've been driving for awhile, I think that's enough time to spend for a first date right?" and I said yeah even though I didn't really want it to end. He drove me home and we sat in the driveway, I stayed in the car a few moments waiting to see if he'd say something but it was just kind of awkward nodding and saying goodbye. I said well I'll see you later, and he said k.

That was the last I heard of him. No text later on in the night to tell me if he had a good time, or if he wanted to try date #2 yet. I decided to text him and told him I still had fun depsite the awkwardness and that I'd like to get to know him a bit more if he was still interested. He never answered me. I really thought we had a connection when we were talking online, and the awkwardness in person would surely go away if we continued hanging out. Did I do anything wrong to push him away? He didn't seem like he was having a bad time, and he kept saying he was trying to think of things to ask me. If he was so interested, why hasn't he said anything back? I feel so useless. What could I have done wrong in person that would turn him away, when online we couldn't get enough of each other. Do guys expect first dates to be a lot better than that? Was it all a big waste of time for him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You did nothing wrong, it just sounds like there was no connection. Online dating is full of socially awkward people. Honestly, people stereotypes people who like video games with social awkwardness because they are always by themself playing a video game and they have a very limited amount of experience with face to face interaction. I met one girl off craigslist who said she refused to respond to any guy that mentions video games in their profile and while I find that extreme I can see why.

    My recommendation is that you meet people asap without much talking online. Anyone can lie in their profiles and the amount of time invested that girls tend to make talking online just makes the situation worse for them when it doesn't work out because they put so much effort into fake interactions just to find out that the guy was not adding up to the talking that happened online. I personally recommend 5 messages tops and if no effort to proceed with a meet then scratch them. "I want to get to know you better" is what meeting in person is for and girls mistaken that for chatting online and then guys assume she just wants attention and nothing more.

    Another recommendation is that you meet for something simple like coffee first and then if you like them, have an activity in mind so you two are doing something and not just sitting in silence.

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    • You are absolutely right. I put so much time and effort, and feelings, into talking to him for so long. To see that fizzle with just one date it hurt a lot. I will definitely try the 5 message thing and then meeting. The only thing is that I want to be safe about it, and meeting someone right away after a few messages might not be the safest thing for a girl to do. I guess it could happen no matter how long I've talked to someone though. Thanks so much for your advice, I really took it to heart.

    • As long as you meet publicly and drive yourself to and from your dates you are fine.

What Guys Said 3

  • He sounds very socially 'undeveloped', and I'm sure he thinks you were bored to death and were just being polite in texting him afterward.

    He probably is just embarrassed by the silence, much more than you. There's a lot more pressure, you know, for the guy; he's supposed to keep the girl entertained the whole time, and if he can't, then he thinks he failed the exam, and can't face you again.

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  • You did nothing wrong, so don't blame yourself for anything. If he's not interested, then he's not interested. Nothing you can do about it, it happens.

    It's easy to connect online as opposed to in person. Because you feel as if you can be someone else online, the person who you really want to be. Yet when confronted with being face to face with someone, you revert back to being in your old introverted self.

    Don't worry, not all dates will be like this.

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  • You didn't do anything wrong. YOu just over analyzed the situation.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You did nothing wrong! Everything you say here sounds like you were pleasant and nice, so don't blame yourself on this. Whatever happened it's his problem. Sometimes people go on dates and realize that they don't want that. Some will kindly let you go, maybe even explain why, and others will be coward, inconsiderate douches and ignore you.

    The only fault you could have, and that's pretty superficial, but still valid, is if you weren't very honest about your looks, and didn't post recent pictures of yourself, then he might have found you different from what he expected.

    I've been on dates with guys who had a profile picture from 10 years ago, and looked completely different. That can be a turn off, because it's not honest. But I'm sure you were honest about yourself on your profile, judging by your description, so, this guy just wasn't it. Let it go, and move one, don't dwell on it, and don't question yourself. A better one will come.

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    • Thank you very much. And I did, I actually put (what I thought) was the most ugliest picture of me as my profile pic just so I could see if people would get passed that, and many did. I'm not scary or anything, I just didn't want to look perfect so their expectations weren't high. This really helped reading what other people thought. I felt like I did something wrong.

      He ended up texting me at 3am saying he didn't see chemistry but had a good night. Well at least he finally answered back..

  • I think you acted normal, but he might have been having a hard time thinking everything was awful and boring. Just try to be honest with each other more and communicate better.

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