What is the proper way to communicate a lack of interest?

When I first meet a guy and maybe I Haven't really gone out with him yet or anything, just talking, sometimes I lose interest. Now I used to just be straight up and tell the guy I'm not interested but then they would give me all this attitude or try harder. So then I would just stop responding to texts or messages and I would still sometimes get attitude about how I ignored the guy. Ugh I can't win! If I've gone out with a guy I definitely let him know how I feel but if we are just talking online or something I feel like I don't owe all this explanation. Is there any etiquette on this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know for other guys, but for me it doesn't matter either way. I've gotten pretty good at reading intent. The guys giving you lip are probably the ones that haven't gotten used to being rejected.

    Even the best looking and well off guys in the world get rejected 60% of the time. The rest of us have to expect an 8/10 or 9/10 failure rate, if for no other reason than because more than half of the people you meet will be committed to somebody else when you approach them.

    I can appreciate a straight forward honest stance, so long as it's polite. I don't like it when she's rude, but I don't fuss about it. The way I see it, that's a pretty clear sign that we wouldn't have gotten along well had she not rejected me anyway.

    Somewhat related, a short story (because I can):

    I had interest in a girl I knew, and she told me when we were camping with some friends flat out "Hey, I just want to let you know, I'm not looking to sleep with you. We can be friends, but I don't want to lead you on." I was a little disappointed, but I appreciated her honesty. I'm like "Oh.. well damnit, that sucks. Thanks for telling me though." *smile* and so I stopped flirting and just kept being friendly... She hopped into my tent while I was sleeping later. We had a great time, and messed around for the next four months or so. Never "quite" understood why that happened, but I was grateful :-D

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What Guys Said 3

  • The majority of us can pick up on hints. If you ignore us even a little, we're gone. Telling us to our face is insulting.

    It says we're too dumb to get your hints, or we're too dumb to know when to give up.

    So often you will get guys giving you lip if you are so confrontational like that.

    A few will give you attitude about being ignored, but only because you showed interest first and then changed without offering any reason.

    Try to end conversations abruptly if you find yourself losing interest, to make it clear to the guy you don't want any more contact. You don't have to be rude' just say you have an appointment, look at your watch, don't smile at him. He'll know you don't have such an appointment, but you're sparing his feelings

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  • What I do with girls who misinterpret my friendliness as something more is something like this,

    "Hey, I'm not sure if I did or said something along the way that gave you the wrong impression, and maybe I'm totally wrong about your intentions, but it seems to me that you've been fishing for something more than just a friendly relationship, and I'm just not interested in that. Now, I understand that I could be wrong about what you're thinking, but that's the impression I get and I just wanted to clear the air on that."

    Inevitably, they say something like, "Oh, no, I didn't mean anything like that...", but totally change their behavior and become cool.

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  • Be nice but make it clear you're not interested. Just being nice might be seen as leading him on. I respect girls who let me know for whatever reason they aren't interested, in a way that doesn't come across as petty and immature.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I find myself always having to say, "I have a boyfriend"(which is true now, but that wasn't always the case). Why does this work? Men value the other man's wishes (the boyfriend) over the girl's wishes. This is certainly not all men, not all men are misogynists. But the ones that never seem to go away probably are, so use the boyfriend excuse.

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  • Ugh. I hate this! We lose either way! If we say something they say we're rude and presumptuous but then if we don't say something we are bitches for "leading them on" !

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  • just tell him he needs to understand that you aren't interested and move on.

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  • tell him "Im flattered but I'm sorry, I'm not interested"

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