I got a lot more dates when I was skinny, why is this?

I live in a new area and I have been working out for a year so I use online dating for dates and am finding that since I have been working out I have been going on a lot less dates now. I send out a few messages every so often but I am noticing an absolute drop in my replies now. I get a message every so often now but they are usually no one I am interested in. When I was skinny I honestly got more replies and dates and I'd have a lot of fun. Why this this? Some girls I have talked to are shocked that I am single but I tell it like it is. The last relationship I had I was skinny too.

Here is a photo from a few months back. link


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Big muscles give a different impression to girls of this generation. Women are looking less for protection and more for sensitivity.

    This was more acceptable in the past when women had to look for protection and/or status, and could sacrifice sensitivity for it. For a while, this was their only form of protection or income. Independent women don't have to look for bodyguards and wallets, but companions. So muscles don't win you as many points, and sensitivity earns you more points. And over the years, muscle-men have done a pretty good job of turning muscles into the mark of narcissists.

    So I could imagine girls might be more attracted, but less interested, so it puts more of the pressure on YOU to initiate to prove that you AREN'T a jerk. Once you've proven that, then I'm sure she'd be pleasantly surprised.

    Oh, and I've noticed girls seem to LOVE muscle tone, but are indifferent to bulk. If bulk attracts anyone, it's other men. So hopefully attracting women isn't your main motivation for working out. But also, don't let the attraction of women stop you from pursuing your goals.

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    • I've definitely seen references to narcissists and exercise. I have also seen comments like "guys in tank tops are full of themselves" type of things. I find it funny because a guy can say the same thing about a girl in a tank top. Thing I find odd with your sensitivity comments is that I think it would more or less mean a sensitive guy is just another "nice guy" though which those guys ultimately scream "friend zone" 24/7.

    • No-no-no. Girls LIKE nice guys. They don't like "nice guys". The quotes indicate satire, and refers to the kinds of guys who think simply playing by the rules and earning brownie points will create attraction in a girl who isn't otherwise interested.

      It's the same thing as an ugly girl being totally nice to you. You'll appreciate it, and you'll be friends, but there won't be any attraction.

    • You know what I despise? "Wife-beaters". I love the shirts, but I'll hear some girls say "you look good in that wife-beater". And it pisses me off to no end. That is one of the worst things you can label a guy, and to associate it with the shirt...ugh. It makes me want to say "Ah, and you look good in that slut-bra" And tell her it's "just a name for the shirt".

What Girls Said 5

  • I don't know. There definitely is a big difference between what girls think a good male body is and what guys think a good male body is. Girls prefer leaner guys with some muscles but not too much, while guys tend to think the bigger the muscles, the hotter they are.

    That being said, I would have understood if your "after" pic on the right was hugely and grotesquely muscular, but it isn't and I highly doubt that girls would turn you down because you're too bulky unless you got really bulky in the time between taking that picture and the present. If you haven't, maybe other factors have made you less appealing that have nothing to do with your body.

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  • Some girls just like skinny guys. Don't worry about it.

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  • if girls have to be skinny for guys to like them then guys need to be skinnny too.

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    • I'm guessing you didn't read the question and assumed I got fat or something.

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    • Not really, cheese guy is always commenting every answer I make like he has no other thing to do.

    • You just said you never had a Boyfriend before? I find that hard to believe. And even if that's true, you also just said a guy will come? No duh sherlock what the hell do you think I and every guy like me have been saying? Women and girls will always have it easier when it comes to dating. After all you just assume all guys want skinny women? Are you gonna deny that? Probably will.

  • Probably because the media makes you think women want big muscular men but that's not entirely true.

    A lot of women think guys who work out a lot are douches

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    • Ok you just said that's not entirely true? So that tells me they do want muscular guys but some, just deny it? Can please explain?

    • No it means the media makes you believe women want big muscular men but most of us don't, I know I'd rather have a "skinny" guy instead of a big muscular guy

    • Thanks for clearing that up ^

  • Probably because women want dudes in shape

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    • I guess you didn't read the question and did not realize that I am talking to being skinny before working out at the gym 5+ days a week.

    • learn to read the question

    • Says the guy who says "girls want perfect Ryan gosling faces". It's obvious it's you. The comment you left and that comment were both posted 9 minutes ago and plus you troll all the time talking about how women only want looks.

What Guys Said 5

  • Too many variables to tell. Could be that there are just less people active and actually interested on whatever site you are using, for whatever reason. My first thought would not be "maybe it's because I look more healthy." Instead, consider that there is some other factor that your improved health hasn't overcome the difference for.

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  • alright well I'm going to assume that the one of the right is now and the one on the left is the past since I didn't really read the question. the one of the right seems all serial killery if you know what I mean, anyways if you really are getting less dates after going to the gym and its not the photo id be curious to know why because I havnt got a clue

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  • Some women are like that Some want skinny guys, some want muscular guys but I rarely see any want husky, fat or overweight guys? Unless he's rich, good looking or both. I wish I had the confidence you have.

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  • girls want perfect ryan gosling faces

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    • Sad isn't it? Then those same girls/women blame us guys for their problems like their shallowness. Its basically our fault why women/girls spend $$$$ on makeup, clothes etc to get guys attention. I would rather be with a girl who wears makeup once a week then a Barbie doll wanna be.

  • Who told you girls like muscly dudes?

    Was it magazines and the media? Was it other guys?

    Surely it wasn't the girls themselves, was it?

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    • Actually yes girls themselves. Check the part of the question where girls are telling me they are shocked I am single.

    • So you mean girls don't actually know what they want?

      I am shocked. Shocked at this unprecedented revelation...

    • Do guys really know what they want? I always have an ideal image in my head, sure. I can pick apart traits in her body and her mind and tell what I like and I don't like. But I'm always surprised by unexpected combinations.

      But yeah, I'm pretty sure muscles attract other dudes more than they attract women. How many muscly guys are in women's magazines?

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