Dumped by sociopath, mocked and my account is wiped out. Heartbroken and in intolerable pain.

I will make this short.

Him and I lived in a hotel for a week. I felt like I was in heaven. We were holding each other the whole time. We would fall asleep holding each other and wake up in each others arms. We were looking in each others eyes for long time. We were talking how good it felt to be together. We were having sex as much as we wanted to. We were making plans to move in together. He was broke and homeless, and I took care of him the whole time. I was bying him everything he wanted and was paying for all his needs.

That day I was at work while he was in the hotel doing nothing. He came to visit me during my break and we had dinner, which of course I paid for. We were talking about going to look at places for rent the next day. Everything was good.

Four hours later I was on my way to the hotel from work. I texted him that I am on my way. He texted that he is at his friends house and will be coming soon. I said "ok".

An hour later I received text message from him "Suck it bitch". I immediately felt cold sweats running down my back and that I could not breathe. I called him in panic, and his ex-girlfriend answered his phone. I asked to talk to him, and she said "no, you are not going to talk to him". She was mocking me, putting me down and saying that they are having great sex. Then he took the phone and said "I am here with my beautiful wife. It's over". Earlier that day I bought him a new cell phone. He said "guess what I am going to do to the new phone that you bought me today", and then he got disconnected. I guess he broke the phone. Later I discovered that he wiped out my bank account using my credit card.

I've never been in such pain in my whole life. I am completely lost and grieving. I don't know what to do. Can anyone explain to me what the hell happened and what I can do now.

Updates:
P.S. He does have a criminal history. He was in prison for 6 years for attempted murder.
Does anybody understand my pain?
Looks like the majority of you recommends going to the police. My only concern is that he videotaped me during our intimate time without me knowing it, and I am worried that he may use it against me.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry that this has hurt you so much, far more emotionally than financially. I'm afraid he was using you the whole time. He could read you well enough to pretend to be your dream guy just so he could steal from you. Being romantic and caring, you put aside any doubts about his situation and background. He is nothing more than a thief. What you should do is press charges for theft. Such a man deserves a prison sentence.

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    • I can't say that I do, but I do regret that some missed the point of your message. He did so many awful things to you. What is the main source of your pain?

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    • Feeling very sad and hurt. I decided to report it to the police. I am very surprise that the police officer I spoke to did not sound supportive at all. It almost sounded as he was trying to talk me out of pressing charges. I don't care about the money, but I want to show this scambag that it is not OK to treat anybody the way he treated me. I want him to at least apologize to me.

    • Your feelings are certainly understandable. You make an excellent point. If you didn't pursue this he would only do it to someone else. Perhaps he deliberately broke your heart, hoping that it would paralyze you from taking action. I hope you can put a stop to him. Healing is going to take time but it will come. Please be careful not to become hardened or bitter about it.

What Guys Said 17

  • I agree with talloak and I'd recommend pick yourself up and get criminal proceedings going not just for robbery but also I think you can apply rape (depending on the country & state you are in, lying for cheating and sexual gratification can legally amount to that), emotional battery, cheating etc

    Do all that, get him as well as the girl he has with him locked up and you'll emerge a different person :)

    Good luck and god speed :)

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  • I'm sorry.

    You will get through this. And you will learn to look at red flags, but not to be paranoid, to date properly, and to find something real that doesn't blow up.

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  • I feel for you I really really do! Having said that though you cannot ignore red flags no matter how good he seems. I would have suspected a women like you could have remembered that from other relationships. You need to call your credit card company ASAP and lock all your credit. You need to notify the police and file for charges against him. You need to also have a serious personal check, no one should be that desperate to want to ignore all that for one man. One person is never worth ignoring all the red flags. There are so many more men in the sea and people put up so much false flags to try to get what they want. The general rule is 90 days to really see who they are...not a week. I am incredibly sorry this happened you need to protect yourself this is going to sting something fierce for a long time. don't ever let another man sway you like this and have such an effect upon you

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    • Thank you for support, I really appreciate it. I did see red flags. But I felt so happy being with him. I really enjoyed our time together. I don't date and I don't look at other men. He found me, said many good things to me and won my heart. So, I don't know how other men would treat me.

    • sounds like you are very naive and didn't have a reference point...it makes sense...

  • Not really, since I've never been through this. Not on this scale. I've had guys put the touch on me for loans, but I pretty much knew I wouldn't see the money again, you know.

    Some of this is called a confidence game and it's illegal. GEt the police on his case. Don't be embarrassed, the police have heard this all before. They won't make fun of your or anything.

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  • Update 3: If you to the police then he can't use it cause they will ensure to stop him from doing so. However, if you don't go then not only will you feel so low about yourself but also you will give him more opportunity to degrade you especially with those tapes. Approach the police through the courts so that none of the tapes are leaked during investigation when they recover them. Else I'm fairly sure he will use it in the future. Your fear is his high.

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    • Thank you. You are right, I feel very low about myself. I just spoke with the police and gave them my bank statements and his information. The police officer I spoke to did not sound supportive at all. I am not doing it for the money but to show him that it is not OK to treat anybody the way he treated me. He used me and then threw me in a garbage can as if I was nothing. I think he needs to face some kind of consequences. And I don't like to feel like a victim.

    • Good you did speak to the cops. Don't worry about their tone they deal with awful stuff through the day & not all of them can maintain their cool / manners / sensitivity at all times. But I'm sure u'll hear from them. Keep a follow up with them and escalate if required.

      It's very important that this chap be taught a lesson. I'd recommend consulting a lawyer too so you are sure that you are led on the right path :)

      Good luck :)

  • i just wonder what kind of a guy he was seriously, he was definitely a cheat, a guy will be a lucky person who can have or have a loving and caring girl like you, you are a very good nature girl, because I am Indian just not OK with sex part before marriage, but apart from that everything about you is good, he will definitely regret all girls are not like you, when some girl will throw him out of house then he will realize his mistake, take care

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words. I have been in so much pain, and your words made me smile and feel good.

    • I myself really felt good, that in someway I was at least able to make you smile, you know anyones smile is precious, take care , I know all of sudden you can't forget it but try your best forgetting about it.

  • wow you kinda dropped the ball on that one

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    • i can't really sympathize at all. I don't date homeless people especially one that has attempted murder that asks for things without paying back. like wtf were you thinking? lucky you didn't contract hiv, you may as well go for testing asap if you haven't already

  • How did you meet him?

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    • We met 3 years ago. He saw me at a store and then found me on Facebook and said I was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and have the most beautiful eyes and most perfect body. I felt attracted to him. We met a few times and then he disappeared. 1.5 years later he wrote to me again that he misses me.

    • We met about 3 years ago. He saw me at a store and then found me on Facebook. He told me I was the most beautiful woman with the most beautiful eyes. I felt attracted to him.

  • You shouldn't deal with him anymore. Have you tried suing him for good?

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  • I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. Unfortunately, guys can be such scumbags. I guess you found out the hard way. Honestly, a broke guy who is also homeless and an ex-con who was in prison for 6 years for attempted murder surely would have raised some red flags for you. I agree with most people here. You need to go to the police. They will take it seriously and be more eager to catch him because he's an ex-con. You don't actually know for sure if he videotaped you both together. He could just be bluffing. I can't say I understand your pain because I don't I have never been in this position before.

    Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. But like you can see, we are all here to help you get through this. Stay strong.

    P.S. At least he was telling the truth when he said you were beautiful, because you are.

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  • Go to the police. Tell them everything. Yes, it may be embarrassing, but I'm sure whichever officer interviews you has heard worse stories.

    Obviously, from now on, don't date guys with serious criminal histories. And don't let your kindness get the better of you.

    You're a pretty lady, and you're clearly a very caring person. You deserve better than this :(

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    • This guy sounds unhinged. So DON'T confront him yourself. Just go straight to the police and let them handle it.

    • Thank you for your kind words. My self esteem is ruined and I feel that I am not worthy of this guy. Because of the way he treated me. He showed me how unimportant I am to him.

    • It will take time to heal. But there are many good men out there who are deserving of love and will give you the love that you deserve. You deserve so much better than this evil, unhinged man.

  • Go to the police

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    • I don't know if they will be able to prove that it was him. He withdrew money from 2 ATM machines. I saw it in my bank statement online. I did block the card. I am also afraid that he will retaliate. I was unaware of it that he made a videotape me being with him, and he may blackmail me.

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    • What if he tells the police that I gave him the card and allowed to use it?

    • It is obvious theft. Just tell them!

  • Oh, that sounds so much terrible. Really sad and painful. And how could you trust a man so easily. You are a grown up woman. You should know how to judge people. Btw,you didn'nt say where and how you met him. Because it matters a lot. Sorry to say ,but it seems you are very naive with men and relationships. Was he your first ever man?

    Anyway, report to cops and credit card company ASAP.

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    • Thank you. You are right, I am naive. I trusted him because I am a trusting person, and he acted very nicely with me. We met about 3 years ago. He saw me at a local store and then found me on Facebook. He said I was the most beautiful woman he has seen in his life. No, he was not my first man. But I was married for 14 years and was not looking at any other men. I am not very good at judging people.

    • He saw you at local store and then on fb. That's it! Not much trusting meeting. But you were with him for 3years! That's a lot of time to know a person, ma'am. I think you look very innocent and have an innocent heart too. Anyway take a lesson from it. don't go for *any* man just to get into a relationship.

      Be well. Take care .

  • It was wrong of you to take advantage of a sweet man and to break up his home like that. You need to apologize.

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  • You felt strong chemistry with a homeless guy, so you lived with him in a hotel and bought him everything? Sounds like Beauty and the Bum, LOL. Sorry but I don't know what the f*** you were thinking.

    He needed his narcissistic supply, you gave it to him. His wife was probably away for a week and needed someone because he was bored.

    He figured he could take your money and your phone, and he did.

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    • I wanted to help him. He was in need. I remembered when I had difficult times in my life other people helped me. So, I wanted to do the same for him. Is there something wrong with helping another person? I cared about him.

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    • He was telling me that right now he cannot get a job, doesn't have money or a place to go to. He said he is usually an independent man. He was asking me for money for cigarettes, gas, food etc.

    • Yeah, and?

      I don't really understand. You said you enjoyed having sex with him all week and doing this and that. It wasn't just a random act of kindness. Would you have done all that for some cracked out looking woman? I bet you would have done what I said earlier (refer her to some sort of public assistance) Maybe you were just lonely but I won't jump to any conclusions. In the end, a loser fooled you in a way that a 20 year old would have seen right through, and you're looking for sympathy.

  • No, sorry can't sympathise.

    You got involved with a married convict who had no home and no money.

    At some point, when an idiot plays russian roulette for no reason and blows their brains out, you have to say "Well, it's your own fault, isn't it?"

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  • You decided to spend a week in a hotel having sex with a broke, homeless guy, and you're surprised it didn't end well...?

    That's the female version of a guy who falls in love with a hooker, and is shocked when he gets HIV and robbed.

    What exactly did you think was going to happen? Is a guy being homeless not a huge red flag, "Danger danger Will Robinson!"

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    • I had an extremely strong chemistry with him and was willing to close my eyes to all the red flags.

    • u closed your eyes and got robbed blind

    • And now you're saying he had an attempted murder charge. The guy was bad news, you decided to "change him" or something, and it bit you. It is unfortunate you got hurt--and you should seriously call the cops over your accounts--but you were acting really dumb to be around this guy.

What Girls Said 11

  • u need to file a report for robbery,he used you and he will end up in prison again,what a heartless prick but you knew that when he told you he tried to murder someone,thank God it wasn't u,file charges and heal,..,there are evil people in the world looking for walking target,next time do not pay for shiit,let the guy show YOUhow much he really cares

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  • I'm really sorry this happened to you. There's a really really good book out there called "Women who love Psychopaths". It's very interesting and it can teach you how to avoid this type of situation. Take care and be more patient before getting in the sack with someone. You should also report him to the police because you are probably not his only victim. Take care.

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  • That's terrible... however, you got off pretty easy if you think about it. Christ, what if you HAD moved in with him? Or married him? Or gotten pregnant by him? Then you really would be screwed. Also... attempted murder? What if he had managed to follow it all the way through and murdered you? I bet you'd rather skip that, huh?

    There isn't anything that can relieve your pain- you just have to ride it out, and you will. Next week will be better. Next month will be better than that. And in six months, you'll be even better still. Probably this is always be a sore spot for you, but (forgive me) time heals all wounds and wounds all heels.

    And in the future, you won't get involved with broke-ass homeless almost-murderers.

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  • He conned you so he could take money from you.

    Just because people are nice, you always got to stay vigilant and question behind their actions.

    Sorry to hear you got swindled.

    Tell the police about the video taken without consent too. it's a violation of privacy and an act of intrusion without your knowledge

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  • Sometimes you just have to be the lady and either let him pay or pay for your food and he pays for his, do never buy people stuff unless its for your kids or birthday presents. Its a bad sign when a grown man isn't a man enough to buy his own phone or pay for his own food. Report him to the cops. He is a low life and and his wife is a moron. If I were you I would busted his kneecaps in a dark alley. Do not let anyone walk all over you, you gave away way too much way to soon.

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    • Thank you, your answer is really helping me. I noticed that for some reason he was very comfortable accepting financial support from a woman. I didnt' like it, but he said "You take good care of me" and I thought that maybe it was normal to help somebody when he needed help. I am a goodhearted, trusting person, and I hate to think badly about people.

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    • It took me a long time to realize that he was not nice to me. I saw the redflags but each time I was hoping that I was wrong.

    • @the update if he videotaped you he can use it against you no matter what, he can say give me more money or I will sell the video to a p*rnsite and get the money that way. Stop it now, talk to the cops and try to research and find other women he has done this too, cause I bet there is other women he has done the same thing to. The more you are the more the cops will take you seriously and so will a jury and a judge, cause then they now you aren't just a woman scorned out for revenge.

  • you can sue him for slander

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  • How did you meet this guy in the first place to have you absolutely convinced he was true to you?

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  • Wow.. So sorry what an humiliating experience.. I don't want to sound like a twat but time heals.. its hard at first but you seem like a strong person and this bad experience will only make you stronger, I hope you alert the athouritys & when you see him in the court room act as cold and harsh as he has treated you.. never let him have the satisfaction of seeing you broken.. goodluck lady x

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  • by any chance do you live in illinois?

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  • I can't say anything others haven't said already. You really need to report him to the police. I know he is claims he has a video of you, but that might not be true. And even if it is, do you really want that scumbag to get away with things? Go to the police, tell them everything, also about that tape he supposedly has.

    I'm sure you've learnt your lesson now, but for everyone reading this. A man (or woman, for that matter) who is a complete parasite and lets another person pay for everything is NEVER good news. I also know how easy it is to ignore obvious red flags, because in the end, we all want people we care about to be "good". I'm sure we've all done it, although most of us didn't have to deal with consequences like you do.

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  • Girl, criminal history is a red flag and so is broke and homeless sweetheart! He took all your money? You should really contact the police about it considering he would probably end up in jail again. Get on this, and you know damn well he didn't break that phone he's probably going to pawn it off at a pawn shop. I'm so sorry you're in this distress

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    • Omg girl what did you get yourself into and no he can't use that against you when he stole your money. Do your research and get a lawyer

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