He isn't very affection.. at all...

I've been dating a new guy for a month now. We met online and everything was going amazing. Anyway the problem is the serious lack of affection. At first I was shy so not much happened, but now we've had sex 6 times it just isn't improving. The first time we had sex we cuddled afterward while watching a movie, although the sex was over far too quickly and I was far from satisfied I didn't mind too much. 5 times later and we haven't cuddled after sex and I am still far from satisfied and he only ever kisses me when he wants it to lead into sex. There is no public displays of affection unless we have been drinking and then we might walk hand in hand. The times we have had sex has been alright but it's always over as soon as he's done and he enjoys the sex and yeah it's nice for me but nothing overly exciting. We never cuddle on his sofa now or anything and in public it doesn't seem like we're together. In fact every time we sit and watch a movie he sits there cuddling his dog, which didn't bother me at first but it's getting to the point that I'm starting to get pretty frustrated by it all. Every morning when I stay there his dog gets invited up into his bed and that doesn't bother me so much but the dog gets so much love and attention and I feel like I get so little. I've spoke to him before about it and he says he isn't really an affectionate person and he'd try to be more affectionate, but honestly he hugged me in public last week.. that was it. Everywhere we go together, the dog comes too, everything we do involves the dog. I wouldn't mind so much If I felt valued but I just feel like a bloody booty call.

I've met all his family, and we're "Facebook official." not that means sod all but never mind. This is just really starting to get me down because I really like him and it's unusual for me to really feel this way. Seriously it's just such a lack of affection, no spooning, no nothing. Once the sex is over, so is the kisses. I don't know what to do really. Last night we were down the pub and for some reason the term love came up into the conversation and he said that I told him I loved him once during sex, but I know for a fact I didn't. I told him that I made that mistake a few years ago and have never said that since and he was sure I said it, and he said he ignored it when it happened, but I know for a fact I didn't say it. It's really pissing me off and I have no one to talk too about it and aaaaaarg stressful

Updates:
update

ive called things off


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hmmm, let me see if I got all of your points: not affectionate privately or publicly, inconsiderate sex, kisses only when sex is desired. But he loves his dog.

    I think you are doing your very best to ignore the fact that he's using you. If he's willing to give Rover more attention than he gives you, where does that put you on the totem pole? Beneath the dog.

    Dear I'm afraid you are being used. He understands that you are really attracted to him and he gives you the absolute minimum necessary to continue using you. Considering that this is a new relationship when most men who are serious would be doing their very best to try to convince you why they would be a good candidate for a long-term situation, he's doing as little as he can.

    Turn the tables on him. Quit calling/texting/commenting on his FB for a while and see if that doesn't ignite his interest. Perhaps if he is faced with the prospect of losing you then he'll start to realize your value to him. If he turns the affection back off after you warm up again then it should be quite clear that there is no future with him. If he doesn't show more enthusiasm for taking care of you in the bedroom then you should end it, I promise you that if he doesn't try to impress you while you are dating, you really won't be happy if you end up in an LTR with him.

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    • Thanks for the answer. I didn't think he was using me.. but it makes sense I guess. I have however thought about turning the tables, and I feel I just might. Trouble is I feel so stupid because I've met his parents and he's met mine and the last thing I want is to feel like a total idiot if it doesn't work :(

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    • toulouse: you fail to follow my figure of speech, "it isn't like you're pushing 40" doesn't suggest that her age is a factor, rather I'm emphasizing that she has many options rather than to stay with a man who doesn't treat her well. Is the extent of your ability limited to criticizing others or do you have something useful to add?

    • Thanks for your feedback. I saw him today and after being down and upset all yesterday and this morning, I now realize that I am being silly. I have my whole life ahead of me as I am 19, and I realize that his long term plans don't include me. He has made it pretty obvious to me that his dog is the only love for him and so I am just going to stick around until I meet new people because he's made it abundantly clear that he isn't in it for the long term.

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