What do people think dating is actually for?! Why SHOULDN'T we have standards?!

There's so many people on here whining that the people they're in to won't give them a chance and they don't think that's fair.

Dating is to find someone to spend the rest of your life with and potentially start a family with. Why should we not be picky?!

Choosing someone for that is a MAJOR decision so I don't understand why so many people think that we should give anyone a chance simply because they want to be with us! Why shouldn't we have standards? Why shouldn't we want someone to be good looking if we have to look at them for the next 50 or so years!?

Why do people think their desire to date someone is more important than that person's desire not to date them?!

I'm not saying people should have a check list of things they want, I just don't see why they should be attacked and ridiculed for not wanting to date a particular person...

So strange...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Standards help set preferences, limitations as well as allowances on preferences. We all have them because it helps us to follow a path we hope will lead somewhat towards our goals. Socially it helps us identify, find and determine who is ideal for us based on our preferences, what we choose to concede to and what we determine is non negotiable.

    I agree choosing a mate is a very important decision. Our mate will be a key factor in what course our life will follow. Making a wrong choice means taking a road of despair, dissatisfaction which means an unhappy life during the course of that relationship. Making a right decision will give us purpose, meaning and happiness.

    The person's desire tends to take on a more selfish role at times. They see you and have determined "by their standards" that you would be ideal so they want for you to be accepting because they want you. They don't always stop to think if they would meet our standards. Even if they don't meet our standards and we reject them, its quite funny that they would want us to ignore our preferences and standards just so they can be happy in fulfilling theirs, even when they won't compromise or ignore their own.

    Attraction should be mutual and even if you meet their standards while they don't meet yours, they should understand there are other prospects that will meet their standards who will feel a mutual attraction toward them.

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What Guys Said 16

  • I think most of the time the people don't realize that they are not considering how the other person feels when they want to date somebody and I find it very odd. Almost every time a guy complains about a girl not liking him, it's always some "pretty girl" or "hot babe" that they wanted to date yet if a 300-pounder came up to them and wanted exactly what he wanted we would suddenly hear "Oh but we're two totally different people" and all that junk. But when the pretty girl doesn't like them suddenly it's junk like "Girls just want good looking guys! I am ugly! This is not fair!"

    I will say though that a lot of girls' profiles online have those "check lists" you say they should not have and most of them are material possession that they say a guy should have. Their profiles start out with wanting a good guy to treat them right and all that then at the bottom of the profile is this list of having to own a place, have a high degree, what hairstyle they should have, and so on. It gets creepy.

    Also keep in mind that not all girls are looking for a special someone. "Casual dating" does exist.

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    • I like your answer :) Casual dating is wonderful! I'm new to it !

    • yeah I think too many people have such high expectations that when they aren't met they end up disappointed and even bitter. I think majority of people have been rejected but they move on. Some people hold onto it for far too long.

  • I agree! No one said you shouldn't have any standards. If you don't wanna date a short guy..then don't! Don't like heavy drinkers or smokers? Then don't go for them. He's pesimistic? Then stay away! If you wanna handsome man..then go for a handsome man! (Just bear in mind, he will forever be a magnet for women so you better not be the jealous type. lol)

    I see lots of 'nice guys' who get rejected and end up bitter/frustrated and blame women for their issues when all they should do is take a long hard look at themselves and adjust their attitude or insecurities. Besides, from what I've seen, there's plenty of "average" looking nice guys who are in happy relationships or married with some pretty good looking women...obviously they're doing something right.

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  • No problem with the standards, but at times people make dumb decisions as a result of their standards. To wit: I used to work out at a local gym. One of the instructors and I got along and I listened to her complain about how she couldn't find a quality guy to date. I said with a grin "well why don't you go out with someone you know?" Her response was "oh yeah sure, we'd spend a romantic evening at the batting cage huh?" I was so shocked I didn't respond other than to shake my head and walk away - no point in arguing with someone's preconceived notions. Had she known 1) My idea of a night out more along the lines of dining, dancing, drinking, movies, walks in the park, etc. 2) I could absolutely care less about sports and 3) I was looking to get married about that time then perhaps she would have seen things differently.

    I owned a home, drove a nice car, had a great career, and was wanting to start a family, which I presume was her goal as well, but because she had me pegged as a jock just because I was trying to stay fit we both lost out on what might have been a great relationship.

    Standards are great, but litmus test presumptions based on insufficient evidence are just plain dumb. What do you know about a person that you've just looked at and never really spoken to? It could be that some shy guy would be the perfect gut to raise a family with but how will you ever know?

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  • You make a perfectly good point. I think many guys react to the belief that too many girls say they want one kind of guy but end up dating someone quite different if not opposite. (This probably happens in reverse but I haven't seen many complaints about this from girls.) They feel that such girls are not being honest about what they really want. But even if this is true, it does not entitle them to attention!

    I don't think that anyone has to the right to criticize someone's dating preferences even if they don't agree with them. For example, if someone wants to date only within their own race, or only a different race, who are we to judge?

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    • its not about race , its about perfect faces and perfect bodies that they want

    • I know it's not about race. I just used that as a related example. That example happens to come up a lot. And it's not about perfect faces and bodies. That's a bit of the insult to the QA. It's about those who are criticize others for not dating someone they do not choose to date,

  • By all means, you should; though for me dating is just about finding somebody to spend time with that I enjoy sending time with.

    A lot of guys on here just take rejection too personally and never learn from it. It's easier on one's own self esteem to blame women than it is to work on self improvement and to shrug off rejection.

    Just don't set your standards so high that you end up alone (unless you want to be alone).

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  • I agree, though I don't think I've seen very many of the kind of questions that you're talking about here. In fact, most question I've seen on this subject are from people who want to know if they themselves are too picky.

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  • Why do you hate people who are undatable so much? You make more questions about us whining than we do to actually whine.

    Its great that you aren't in a position where any slightly attractive member of the opposite sex refuses to have anything to do with you, no need to be so aggressive to people who are down on their situation already.

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    • I'm just wondering why so many people feel entitled to other people. It's really weird.

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    • Entitled = "I like them but they don't like me but they should give me a chance anyway"

    • They should as in 'I want them to be made to' or 'I would like them to'?

      I've never heard anyone saying that someone should be forced to go for someone they aren't attracted to.

  • Yeah, I don't understand that mentality. You're entitled to have as many standards as you want when you're dating. As long as you understand the consequence of these standards is a restricted dating pool, who cares?

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  • don't bow down to the insecure? lol..

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  • insecurity. no other reason.

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  • Natural selection forever?!?!?!?

    ...maladaptive though it has become.

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  • We do have standards. That still depends upon each person

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  • I usually don't date someone that I wouldn't marry. Probably why I've gone on so few dates and I'm still single haha.

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  • so you want girls to only go after good looking guys . They already do . Don't be picky before you meet the guy. I know we are pathetic to you , but give one of us a chance and then decide

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    • If a random guy is asking a random girl out he is doing so based only on looks as he knows nothing about her. Since he is asking her out solely based on looks why should she not turn him down solely based on looks?

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    • Alright. You're right. You know better than all us girls who tell us otherwise. We only want someone that everyone on the planet considers a 10 and if not you're dead to us. You have no hope in dating or being happy because of this. Life sucks :(

    • even fat girls want 8s and up

  • Oh, agree, completely. It doesn't matter if the reason is "I don't feel like chatting" I'm not going to feel guilty about not giving some girl a chance.

    What's more pathetic, to me, is those girls who are just too afraid to do the asking themselves, lest they suffer rejection. Like, they'll friend you on Facebook, chat, hint that they want to go out with you. Twice I've been in those situations, and I honestly would've gone out with the girls out of respect if they just had the guts to say, "Hey, let's meet for coffee." But nope, 90% of girls don't have the guts required by every man who doesn't wish to qualify as pansy.

    And if a girl rejects me, well, oh well. It's not important, and unless you're dumb enough to get emotionally attached to a girl you're not dating, you deserve to suffer, haha.

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    • "you're dumb enough to get emotionally attached to a girl you're not dating, you deserve to suffer, "

      YES! Why do so many people wait until they're emotionally attached to them to ask them out?! That always leads to disappointment!

    • As men, we go and get what we want. We take initiative and get the job done. Women, however, right from young are protected and given what they need and want. So if they're worried about being rejected if their advances don't pan out. As a result, some of the hottest girls' egos are a lot more fragile than even the most ugly, old and bald man.

    • "It's not important, and unless you're dumb enough to get emotionally attached to a girl you're not dating, you deserve to suffer."

      Brilliant lol!

  • I agree.

    But, have you ever been rejected? Unless you know for a fact that you're not a whiner, you shouldn't criticize people who do whine.

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    • I have! That's the thing with life though - the more chances you take the more chances you have of being successful! I find that people get rejected once then lick their wounds for a long time. Unfortunately not everything works out the way we hope and if people realized that and keep trying they would be a lot happier!

What Girls Said 7

  • I agree,

    *But* I think a lot of people do have the wrong standards or too high/unreasonable standards, like, when you're thinking about the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with,looks are one of the of the most fleeting, short lived qualities a person possesses, yet for a lot of people that is their most demanding requirement, and they'll over look all sorts of other more important things in favour of this. I'm not saying looks shouldn't be a factor, because obviously there has to be physical attraction, but logically it shouldn't be the most important.

    Then you see people who think someone who is really their equal to them is not good enough to meet their inflated expectations, and think life owes them a millionaire/supermodel just because, and why should they "lower their standards" just because they're an average no body and possess none of the exacting standards they demand from their partner?

    This is the person who thinks everyone is shallow for not seeing past their flaws while they only have eyes for very rich/hot/powerful etc.

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  • I totally agree. It's not a bad thing to have standards, especially for something so long term. I'd say more, but you really said it all. Well done!

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  • +1, you are so right. Those people may all be special little snowflakes, but not all of them are datable. LOL.

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  • I agree with you, we should date whoever we want to according to our standards. Why would you want to be the person somebody settled with? I want to be completely perfect for my partner.

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    • Me too! :) There would be nothing worse than knowing someone "settled" for you when they realized they couldn't do miuch better. I'd be sad!

    • Totally, and it will only make the relationship harder

  • I agree with you, unless the person has like an impossible check list.

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  • we totally should, people just need to get over themselves

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  • Whatever, I just go for what I want. I don't care about whiners

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    • And don't listen to alonso. ALL his questions are based on why women don't want attractive guys. Check his profile out

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