I messed up when my men retreat to his cave what can I do to fix this?

Few days ago, I could see my boyfriend is getting burned out from his job. He was sent to another city few days ago for a duty (he's a riot cop, sent to control over a riot at another city), and promised to keep in touch and to let me know once he arrived there. Ever since he went there, he nvr sent me a text. I waited one day and a half and when I didn't get any news, I sent him a text asking did he arrived safely and told him to take care on himself. When he didn't replied to this, I waited till next day and asked him again if he's fine? And he didn't replied. Today, I lose control of my anger, because I saw him being online on Viber, but he didn't even bother to reply my text whether he's fine or not (the one I sent on Viber he clearly saw it) so I sent him a text expressing myself that I dislike the fact that he's ignoring me, and letting him know that I'm angry. Now I realized that my boyfriend behavior is actually retreating back to his cave, and I know I shouldn't sent that last text, I really regretted it, I wish I could undo it, but I couldn't... How can I fix this? I don't wanna lose him, but I don't want him to be selfish either leaving me worry in that way :(


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think you did something wrong. You might have just tried to express yourself about the last tex in a different way. You are right, he could have texted and said what he told you he was going to do

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What Guys Said 5

  • the fact of the matter is you just wanted to see if he was OK especially since he was going into a potentially dangerous situation. So I think it is fair that you might get frustrated after a few days.

    you can't assume blame for his mistakes. sure it causes him some stress but it's really a minor thing just to text back "hey, got your message. I'm good. Miss you" (that took 10seconds)

    don't blame yourself or give him excuses but rather decide do you want a guy who doesn't bother to respond to you and then retreats to his "cave" (I'd call it more being immature) when confronted with his behavior?

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    • exactly! my friend said the same thing, he could've just text me when he went to toilet or something? I don't need long text, I just need to hear that he's doing fine. Our relationship is still new, I am not sure how his exact behavior all the time, we're actually still in process of knowing each other... Will make sure to talk with him regarding this when he will be back :(

  • Damage is done. Tell him you love him and if he's going through something that you're there to listen if he wants to talk, then walk away and forget about it. With that being said, all you wanted was a text and he didn't do that, there might be something else that's building up that's creating space between you two, in my opinion. It gets harder and harder to communicate when one person feels disconnected from their relationship and this can be from the relationship itself or just personal stress and struggles.

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    • I really regretted that I sent that angry text, I wanted him to know that I understood now that he needs time off, but if I send another text saying I'm sorry, it will look like I'm one needy, unstable woman, if I don't send him any text, he will think that I don't understand him. What can I do now?

    • Don't contact him just yet wait for him to contact you. Just tell him you miss him and ask him how his day is and small talk best you can do until he tells you why he's being a little distant. Then like anonymous said, screw his brains out next time you see him.

  • He could have texted you in that timeframe. I think it's rude behavior to not reply otherwise. Especially in a situation where he could have been injured.

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    • thank you for clarifying this, I started to feel like he's emotionally blackmailing me or something, but what if he's really retreating back to his cave? Does it still looks like it's my bad for sending him that kind of message?

    • I don't even know what 'retreating back to his cave' means. I don't follow self-help mumbo jumbo. Bottom line is that he promised to keep in touch...you were (understandably) worried about his safety...he broke his promise to stay in touch...his actions made you get angry and you expressed your anger.

      I think you need to stop relying so much on texting and explain your feelings to him when he gets back in town.

    • will sure to have a long talk with him once he's back, I am worried sick about him, and yes I'm really pissed when people just ignore me in that way, especially when all I wanted to know was are they doing fine... :(

  • You were both wrong.

    Just tell him you're sorry and you love and miss him.

    F*** his lights out when he gets back. All will be good. Good luck.

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  • You were told what to do. Leave him alone until he comes back.

    Stop looking for justification that you did nothing wrong. That is counter productive. It might help your ego but it doesn't help the situation.

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    • Nobody told me what to do, he didn't even told me that he need a time alone either :( I just figured that out after I sent that text

What Girls Said 1

  • I think he's wrong. he had to text you and it wasn't wrong for you to speak your mind and be angry.

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