How the hell do I attract guys?

I'm not ugly...I'm actually kind of pretty. I look about 145-150 lbs and I'm around 5 feet 6 inches tall. I'm a fun person to talk to, nice, funny and loyal. I don't know what the hell the problem is I can never get any guy attracted to me? This doesn't count now the random creeps at clubs that grind up in your space. Like in normal life which includes school, work, people you meet in social settings. I'm 22 and almost 23 and have never kissed! Just graduated college and even less men to choose from now :( lol

I've tried online dating and plenty of fish and stuff. However, guys don't really respond properly. Like I'll send them a pic and they'll say "oh your hot;) lol." "your very pretty you should put your pic up" and then they'll never respond back once I respond like wtf.

Also, the guys that do end up talking to me do just that. I'll have to ask for their bbm/cell number like they don't initiate anything first. Meanwhile I have another friend who is a late bloomer. She is beginning her 3rd relationship from online. One from fb, then 2nd from pof. and Like a month after she broke up with the last one she went on pof again. I told her about pof :@ lol and then she talks on the phone with this guy 3 hrs first night, then hr each night and their texting back and forth and after a week they meet up and decide they want to be in a relationship just like that.

I don't understand what the f*** is wrong with me... I try and try so damn hard to make myself more approachable, prettier, even approach and even pray that I'll get my first kiss. The last part is just sad I know lol

However, its just not happening and I'm sick of trying. And then I go through a period of not trying and then again I come back and "try" some more.

Are their other people, especially girls that can sympathize with me or give me advice?

thanks:)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys online usually don't know how to respond. actually most of us guys do not know how to respond to a woman.

    Sometimes you have to give us guys a break and accept the, "Oh your pretty"

    And you can try dressing in clothes that are attractive as well.

    It isn't a shallow thing to try to look good for a man

    there is a different between shallowness and dressing for success.

    Jobs look for it every day.

    If a job asks you to cut your hair and dress nice and you dress nice for an interview, then there is a better chance to get that job.

    Also being positive during an interview and practicing confidence.

    start exercising everyday and take care of yourself.

    By doing that, that can really boost your confidence a lot.

    Then try socializing first with guys and practice flirting.

    Flirting isn't bad if it is done right.

    Be yourself but improve yourself.

    setting goals to be a better person is you making a decision to be a better part of you.

    When you have confidence, you will attract positively like a magnet.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Do't spend timeonthe comjputer. Go out in the real world, go to new places.

    Travel as much as you can; the non-Anglo Saxon countries have a much warmer and friendlier approach to the opposite sex in general.

    Join clubs for people with your same interests, so you aren't trying to forge a relationship with a stranger who has nothing in common with you. That's beating your head on a wall.

    Sure, once in a while online dating works, but it's like throwing darts...at a very small dart board that doesn't have any bull's eye..!

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  • Ouch. That sucks. I don't really have any advice for you. I'm not an expert in attracting guys. I definitely give you an A for effort, though. I know it really blows when you try real hard and get nowhere. You sound like a really nice girl and I hope things work out for you eventually.

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  • this may seem like a weird idea, but I strongly suspect some success:

    move to a college town and get a job delivering sandwiches (or pizza, pitas...). No, I'm not joking. It is such a pleasant surprise when your food shows up and it's carried by an attractive girl instead of some dude. You will be flirted with, talked to, assessed, invited to parties, and so on. It's an easy way to socialize with a whole spectrum of guys, instead of the narrow band within your 'clique'.

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  • well not sure what you look like but after looking up your measurements, your not a fat person at all. a lot could depend on how you dress when you go outside, even just to go to the store. if you are a black t-shirt and black pants girl, that would probably not turn on any guys. try dressing more sexier I guess, but don't over do it, like mini skirts, but more like sleeveless shirts and skirts or sun dresses. Not sure where you live, but I live in Miami and that's how the sexy girls dress down here.

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  • Seeing a picture first would be nice, maybe there's something you still need to do appearance-wise but right now I'm unable to advice anything about it

    The only thing I can tell right now that height / weight ratio charts say that you're overweight, so you're better cutting off bad food and being more active!

    Don't know if it will make you feel any better but you're far from the only one who struggles with that

    What else are you doing in your free time? Meeting new people through friends is one of the best ways of finding someone.

    Also how it's with your manners? Do you make eye-contact, smile, don't interrupt, keep the conversion flowing, don't say / do anything gross or generally inappropriate?

    What is your style / appearance? Do you smoke?

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  • Stop trying so hard. In fact, stop trying period. That's when it usually happens. Just find something social to do.

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  • Yeah, I'm guessing it's you're a bad conversationalist. Either that or you're not pretty. I really doubt it though. How could a young eager girl NOT be pretty?

    A lot of dating is random chance. You could just be unlucky.

    I'm unlucky too.

    Maybe WE should date. I tell you what, I do know how to message a girl. Send me a message on here, I'll tell you about the time I ...

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  • i have the same problem myself, I am single too!. I been using sites, they don't work except for one if it counts,lol.

    Meeting people in person is hard as well.

    you know what they say "patience is a virgue'.

    sometimes its better to just let it happen. That's what I am thinking of doing. but I am not sure ethier,lol.

    i know life is difficult.

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  • Can you hold a stimulating conversation? Are you an interesting person?

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  • The best way to attract guys is to tend to your dressing. It's the best way to catch their attention

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  • be glad you don't have to approach

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  • idk if your over wight or not , a picture would help . if you don't wanna share your picture here add me then I guess . and if its the wight issue ill more than happy to help you lose that weight fast and easy ( sorta easy ) . lol .

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    • Did you only read the first sentence?

    • Yes , but that does look like over weight 150

  • I can't give you specific advice without seeing a pic but I'd suggest a make over and weight loss.

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    • Tried that... I have nice hair (often get compliments), good teeth, wear nice make up etc. but sigh.

    • Show All
    • Yeah I`m trying too but I have thyroid problems (going to bunch of docs and all that for this stuff its frustrating too lol) but I workout A LOT and eat well so I`m an active person in that way.

    • thats gotta suck. I feel for ya.

What Girls Said 8

  • I fit your physical description and it's exactly the same for me. I've had boyfriends before but in the last couple of years it feels like I can't get anyone interested in me -- it's really frustrating!

    What I have noticed about my behavior is that I've turned a little more antisocial than I was before... I have lots of friends but I'm not going out as much so I haven't really met new people lately. I'm also a very serious person so maybe sometimes I don't look so approachable.

    The good thing is those are all things you can change! Just today I signed up for a literature class which is something I love. Hopefully I'll meet new people there; I don't go with the idea of finding a boyfriend I just want to make new people and make new circles of friends. That's how those things happen. And I'll try to smile a little more :)

    Good luck! :)

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  • you are not alone. I know a few girls like this, and I'm also like this to an extent. I think most girls are actually--like girls never get asked out as much as they present themselves to be. puhlease. most people, I think, are not honest about how much they actually get in real life. so don't feel bad.

    first of all, online dating doesn't always work. I've noticed that guys online either 1) are not at all who they look like in their picture or 2) just use their profile for easy sex (this is probably just true about okcupid, but I've become disenchanted with the entire concept). but if you really wanted it to work--to find a guy via online dating websites, you gotta post a couple pictures (it sounded, from what your wrote above, that you only send pics once someone messages you... that doesn't work. social media is about giving a first impression, and your physical look is part of that impression. if you don't post it, guys will assume you're a "dog").

    second, you've already heard this advice before, but just relax and go do something with your life. you just graduated! yeah, it'll be way harder to meet guys now, but you also just graduated! love/like will happen when it happens, and it'll be mutual when it happens. the best thing is to just live your life--do the things you've always wanted to do, get the job you want, learn the language you've procrastinated learning, visit that country with a couple friends (maybe meet some hot guy there--but BE SAFE) etc. that is personally how I am living my life. and once the air of desperation drifts away, you'll be more confident and it'll probably happen.

    last thing, just something to think about but are you SURE no guy has ever showed an interest in you (in a non-club setting)? I find that very hard to believe, and it is possible that your memory is selective, and you are not remembering that guy friend who tried toooo hard to help you with your homework or that coworker who stayed after hours to help you with some task, etc. there were guys, but perhaps you didn't recognize their interest and/or wrote them off too soon. maybe you need to work on reading guys better or sending signals (eye contact, laugh, show interest in them etc), or maybe you need to be less judge-y of the guys themselves. I couldn't really gauge what your issue may be... but I can certainly tell you it has nothing to do with your weight! screw these guys on here who are telling you that you need to take better care of yourself and work out. there are so many fat and ugly chicks out there dating that disprove that entire premise. if you get called hot, you're fine physically. don't stress about that.

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  • At times I feel the same way. I´m single at the moment, and a little tired of it. My way of coping with the situation is signing up to all sort of activities. I go to school, have a part time job, just joined a soccer team, signed up for a summer school course and I´m considering taking Spanish lessons and doing some volunteer work. All this serves to goals:

    1) You keep yourself engaged and busy, and both things make you a more interesting person to talk to.

    2) There´s a higher chance of meeting someone that shares your same interests.

    If you want to be kissed at a party I´d suggest you get very drunk, it usually works very fine, trust me. Of course do not get so drunk you feel sick, cause that won´t do the trick at all.

    If that is not for you (and I´d completely understand you) then I´d give you the same advice I m giving myself. Keep busy, be engaged and get social.

    One last thing: is there anyone in particular you want to kiss? Cause that might help you achieving your goal, rather than just wanting to "kiss somebody". Maybe you have my same issue, I think my problem is that I think to abstractly about my love life. When I think about kissing somebody I usually do it while staring at the ceiling at home rather than when I´m actually talking to a guy. And maybe I say "no" a little too often.

    :)

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    • hmm I never looked at it that way. I've had guys come up to me now at clubs (which never used to happen) their not the best looking I think but at least its a start lol I do have the opportunity I suppose to dance and take them into a corner and kiss them but then I feel awkward becasue my friends are right there dancing with me both guy and girls and they are not drinkers really so can totally see me seducing a guy kinda of thing and I don't want to come off as slutty/easy.

    • It can also be done in a less "slutty" (I don?t like that word) way. You don?t take anyone into a corner, you let them take you into a corner :). Since when has it become slutty to kiss someone? I suppose you?re friends have kissed guys before, of course they won?e judge you. You could try talk to them about it. I kind of had my first kiss in a similar way, my friends did not judge me at all, they thought it was rather fun and supported me.

  • Might be the lack of confidence

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    • I've approached guys before though and that takes balls lol

  • with confidence

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  • Uhh, yea I can relate. Sorry I'm no help, I don't know what to do either. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

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    • thanks... maybe one day it`ll happen for us:) just sucks it happens for everyone else and they don`t even try much

  • well just try to flirt more and don't show much interest at first.

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  • yuck, ditch the online dating. and ditch the clubs too, get a cool interest/volunteer job and meet guys there, go traveling...

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    • Unfortunately I don't have the time for it anymore, but traveling is a great way to meet people. People tend to be more open to new things when away from familiar situations. The best summer I ever had was when I just up and went to Europe for the whole summer, traveling on the cheap.

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