Why is rejection so much harder for women to deal with compared to men?

I notice when guys ask girls out, they get turned down and move on. I'll see if a girl wants to hang out and if she says no, I move on.

But when a girl gets turned down, it always seems like a much bigger deal. I'll say I am doing something the next day and the girl will flip out on me yet continue to pursue me(texting, stalking, make rumors about me, etc). Or I'll not be interested in a girl who canceled a date without telling me so I'll stop talking to her yet if we cross paths she'll try extra hard to talk to me when she used to never talk to me.

Guys will send out like 20 something messages online and not hear back from a single girl and simply move on. Yet I've read about girls going on dates from online and the guy wouldn't be interested in a 2nd date and the girl would send back angry messages telling him he is gay and stuff.

I also remember reading an article about a dating agency and how picky the women were yet when they'd go on a date and the guy was not interested they'd absolutely flip out.

So why is it that when a guy can deal with rejection much better than a girl?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, guys are much more likely to be serial askers than girls are. They'll send out like 20 messages to girls because they're "kinda cute" and they will expect not to hear back from 19 of them. Or they'll go to a bar and hit on several girls in one night hoping to get laid by one of them.

    Most often, a guy will ask a girl out and if she says yes, they'll go out a few times and then he'll decide whether or not he likes her. But when a girl asks a guy out, she's already decided that she likes him and that he matters to her. So of course someone who asks out someone who they like and who means something to them is going to be more hurt upon rejection than someone who just thinks, "I think I'll go hit on that one!" and then does it.

    • why do you have so many thumbs down? this seems like a fine answer to me

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    • Wrong -

      think Cyndi Lauper:


      Guys are usually as "emotionally invested" as women are ;)

    • Cyndi Lauper wrote that song for a hit. And by "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" she probably didn't mean "Girls just want to get laid by any hot guy who will let them."

What Girls Said 12

  • USUALLY when a girl asks a guy out she's already pretty emotionally invested.

    USUALLY when a guy asks a girl out its more shes's cute and seems nice, I might like to get to know her more to see if I could like her.

  • Girls are very soft and emotional creatures. lol =)

    I don't take rejection that hard, it all depends on how much experience you have in the dating game.

  • Even though it is believed that girls act on emotion and men act on logic, it is completely incorrect to generalize like this. I rarely act on emotions and tend to use logic. That aside, I'm not petrified of rejection, but it does not make me feel good. Many girls feel this way but do not go out of their way to ask guys out because there are guys that will actually treat them like "sluts" because they approached them. Many guys would love if women approached them, but many women don't want to do that if there's the chance that they will be used or not taken seriously because she is a "slut" in someone's eyes. Relatively attractive girls feel that they don't really NEED to approach guys because guys will approach them which will make them appear like they are more afraid of rejection. I don't really approach guys, but I've only been around for eighteen years, and I never had to approach anyone because anyone I wanted to talk to has come up to me anyway. It's all some girls have ever known, so if they actually do change and take the initiative, the rejection could be like a shock to them because they have never really experienced this before.

  • Personally, I think girls AND guys need to stop asking people out if they expect everyone to tell them what they want to hear. Seriously, grow up people. You knew the answer to your question was going to be yes or no. You shouldn't cry like a child when that answer is no.

    • says the woman who says no to people and never has it told to her.

    • HA! I've been rejected. :-P

  • I always thought it is both gender depending on individual personality.

  • I don't think either is worse, you're only speaking for your own experience with women,

    Everything you describe girls doing frankly pails in comparison to some of the things I have seen guys do, flipping out and what not because I won't go out with them, but of course you wouldn't know that unless you regularly have to fend off men as well.

  • it isnt

  • I don't take it hard, but you might need to be a little clearer.

  • no one likes rejection I don't know where you're getting your info from but guys don't like rejection either who likes that?! I see guys complain about it all the time. to have a connection with someone and to see them give some signals whether intentional or not (they led you on) and then you gather all your courage to ask them out and turns out they never liked you at all you're a sister to him, its such a embarrassment and eats you up inside. and if that guy is single has no other girls in his life, and still doesn't wanna give you a chance, yea id say he's gay cause he lost a great girl like me. dating isn't hard its not a crime to go out with someone and get to know them better. for him to give signs and flirt with me but not want to date makes him an a**hole. people like that deserve to be alone. cause the only reason someone rejects another is cause they find them ugly and focus more on looks, they have high standards and expectations to find the hot girl as opposed to a smart, nice girl who is decently attractive. she may not show her t*ts and ass but that's cause she has self respect. yes, I was rejected by a guy who didn't think I was that hot and my friends called him gay cause while he could have been on a date with me, he chose to sit around and talk on the phone with his guyfriends and bros. if that's not gay I don't know what is.

    • wow you sound bitter

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    • Mmm mmm mmm.

    • "for him to give signs and flirt with me but not want to date makes him an a**hole."

      There are plenty of girls who give signals all the time. If you respond to them, YOU'RE an a**hole. If you call them out on it, it's considered a type of slut-shaming.

      Oh yeah, and I wouldn't call you bitter. I would say you're scared sh*tless that a guy could possibly want to do something besides f*** you. And it's funny you use "gay" so much. Read the news: Gay is not an insult anymore.

  • False, we have options and you don't

  • it is not


What Guys Said 7

  • I don't think it's harder for either. Men just don't show it as much, plus it usually takes more for a girl to ask out a guy so she probably likes him more than a guy who is just going around. But of common terms there's no difference in degree of rejection between the sexes.

  • Women's ego is much more fragile. Why? Dunno, or perhaps for evolutionary reasons as a survival mechanism, but for practical purposes I don't really care.

  • Because girls don't deal with rejection as often as guys do. It's politically-incorrect to say it.

    Basically if guys are supposed to approach her and initiate things with her, then the only romantic interest she sees is positive interest: Guys hitting on her.

    In the case of guys, if we're expected to make the move, then most of the reactions we receive would be negative interactions.

    So she's not quite as prepared for the rejection, whereas rejection is a staple for men.

    Just ask Norah Vincent, who dressed up as a man for 18 months and lived as "Ned Vincent" in her book "Self-Made Man". Her least favorite part of the whole experience was dating, and she saw some pretty bad stuff.

    "Dating women was the hardest thing I had to do as Ned, even when the women liked me and I liked them. I have never felt more vulnerable to total strangers, never more socially defenceless than in my clanking suit of borrowed armour. But then, I guess maybe that's one of the secrets of manhood that no man tells if he can help it. Every man's armour is borrowed and 10 sizes too big, and beneath it he's naked and insecure and hoping you won't see."

  • Because women aren't used to rejection like guys are

  • Girls have much more fragile, emotional egos. Plain fact.

    They also are given such a message in the media--film, books, etc--that women are THE sex to be, that women rule and men drool, girls are smart and boys are dumb, etc. And a lot of them get plenty of male attention. So, when young women get shot down by men they are interested in, they take it brutally.

    And when women hit 30-32 and can't find attractive dates anymore because all the guys who are cool are either married, living with someone, or dating women 8 years younger than them--it's life crushing.

    What also baffles me is--women often have no clear idea of what men want in women, nor do they care.

    Seriously--there's tons of articles in mainstream places about how men won't man up, get married, etc. But there's little focus on what men actually want in women. Largely, women just seem to assume they're awesome however they are.

    They don't realize, for instance, the plain fact that chubby/thick/obese girls, or older career "independent" women (past their prime of 18-24) just don't hold a candle to a slim, pretty 22 year old girl, and none of their wailing about how shallow men are will change that.

  • 1. Because women are more emotional in general.

    2. Because women aren't used to rejection. Very few girls ask guys out, and even fewer do it OFTEN.

    3. Because the idea is promoted by the media and others that men never say no to sex or that men never friend-zone women. Both allegations are of course untrue, but many women believe.

    • And yeah I've had similar experiences to you. Not pleasant lol.

    • I don't agree 100% with #3, but there's indeed a society factor.

      I've seen many guys get psycho and insult the girl to no end when she rejects him too. Most of the times they don't even know each other.

  • i think they just are not used to it frankly and since they CAN just get any guy to ask them out, they probably figure 'why put myself in a position where I face rejection when I don't have to' so ithey do that because its just easier.

    • yeah vote me down. you know this is true

    • It looks like about 6 people just went through and downvoted everyone. So I would subtract 6 from your downvotes.