Affair with married man

I have been seeing a friend/colleague, he started flirting with me, was sending dirty text messages etc, we are both happily married, one night we sent a couple of dirty pictures and had phone sex I guess, the next day he freaked out and said we can not do that again etc, I was gutted because I had started to have feelings for him. We don't work directly together so I did not see him for a few weeks, then we started kissing and he would pleasure me, the first time he freaked out and said we had to stop, but then we did it several times, eventually he said we had to stop. I asked him why he wouldn't let me touch him, he said that if I started pleasuring him we would go past the point of no return. A few weeks later I pleasured him, once again he freaked out, very little contact then I did it again - no freak out... Then we were fooling around at work and he left abruptly, told me he can't see me without wanting to ravish me etc, he needs to learn to say no. Then a mutual friend of ours invites me over for a drink, says he is there with mystery married man, I go and he hints for me to sit next to him, touches me when our friend isn't watching. After a while he announces he has to go, I say so do I, its getting late. Then he texts me to meet up down the road, we get it on hot and heavy, we have never had sex. He keeps saying this will be the last time. We ended up having sex, I kept saying are you sure etc knowing he would freak out. He didn't, I have not text him, I want to give him some space. But what is going on with him? He won't tell me how he feels about me but I can see it in his eyes he cares. Why does he end it only to come back? Have we gone past the point of no return by having sex? Will he want to do it again? I have noticed the guilt and freaking out has become less and less the more things we do together.

Is it really over or will he be back?

Help confused


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am going thought the same thing right now. I am married and we have this married couple that we are friends with and go to church with( yes church lol) and the guy and I have been texting sometimes in the last year even though we have known each other a few years we started texting and usually it is just friendly convo a few times we talked about his job and and my hubby's job. Then a few weeks back I made the mistake of texting him for advice on something and we both ended up sharing a few secrets and he wanted to delete all our texts and keep it private and I was OK with that. He also told me I could text him whenever I needed to if I needed to vent or talk. Well fast forward a couple weeks later and I did and it turned a bit sexual. We started teasing each other and I told him to send a dirty text and he winked and told me to send one first and then I had to go back to work so my phone was off and when I texted him back he said that as much as he loves dirty texts we shouldn't do it cause we will get into too much trouble and that if I wanted to send him some dirty texts I could but he couldn't send any back I was thinking hell no. I told him no and that it takes two to play and he thanked me for offering to dirty text him. I really like him and thought he liked me too. I know he is afraid to get caught though. I have a feeling he had before. I agree you can't choose how you feel about someone it sucks. When in person too he looks at me a lot and "touches" me when it's not needed. Like hands touching hands and once when he was drunk he played footsie with me right in front of his wife and she got mad at him. Anyways the point is I am going through the same thing as you. I think this guy wants it with me he has let it go this far too but now that it is me upping the ante he is become g paranoid

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What Guys Said 3

  • Im not sure what kind of advice your looking for. Your both having an affair. You've both gone past the point of no return in my mind because you've cheated on your spouses. Unless one or both of you decide to come clean it will probably leave a gap in your marriages.

    If you are interested in a relationship some day with this man you need to decide wether it is all lust or something more.

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    • I am just trying to figure out what he is thinking, he is not being honest about his feelings and it's confusing me

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    • We have only had sex once that was 2 days ago, so who knows if he enjoyed it lol, he has kids

    • He probably feels really guilty then.

  • I think he's just a little confused himself, because since he's very hot for you, he wanted to control himself but he knew he couldn't forever. He's just processing it all now. I'm sure he doesn't regret it and he'll come back for more. He won't be able to get enough you when that point comes. If your into him, I say leave your husband or do what you have to do. Am also sure you enjoyed it and were happy f*cking him. Don't be guilty or feel bad. You only live once. Enjoy it!

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    • Thank you for the honest answer instead of bagging me, I am working on telling my husband . Thank you

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    • Heyy Sorry I May deleted you by mistake! Readd me! ;)

    • The last thing I would do is tell my husband! And vice versa I honestly would rather not know

  • Cheaters never prosper...

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What Girls Said 7

  • "Happily married", huh? I can tell.

    Stop cheating on your husband, lady. Damn. Just end your marriage- you obviously don't give a sh*t about it or your husband if you are on a website asking about the guy you're cheating with. Do your husband a favor and stop lying to him and just cut him loose. He'll be better off.

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    • This all kind of happened so quickly, I never asked to have these feelings. I am trying to understand the situation and fix it

    • I totally understand being blindsided, and I know you can't help how you feel. You can, however, help what you DO. And if you want to fix the situation, you need to consider coming clean to your husband, and you definitely need to end your marriage. Then you can sort out the rest of that mess. But as it stands, you are hurting the only innocent person in all of this- your husband. You need to do right by him first and then worry about the other sh*t.

  • What's wrong with your current husband?

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  • Choose one person to be with.

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  • I hate the judgmental comments. Life is not black and white.
    In any case he just sounds conflicted and super guilty. I've cheated on my husband and the last guy pursued relentlessly until we finally had sex in his house. After that he freaked and said it can't happen again but added the infamous "let's stay friends" line.
    We talked and talked. I'm sure his lustful feelings grew and when I wanted to end the friendship he wouldn't let me. Then out of the blue he just cut contact.
    I've come to the conclusion that guys are really impulsive. Women go there once we've dealt with the consequences in our heads. But guys do it then regret it but at the same time feel like "No I can't let go!" This is how they become conflicted. They like what's going on but they know it's wrong.
    I've also learned they don't stay away for long. Give him space, he will find his way back.

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  • end your marriage and stop being an adulterer. ughh sorry but I really dislike people like you who only cause pain

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  • you shouldn't really do that, you will hurt people badly

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  • Eh, who cares. Do what you want.

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