Mr. Unavailable...How to deal/figure this out?

Hey everyone. Just needing a little perspective as to what I'm dealing with and what I should do. I started seeing a new guy who I really hit it off with. We went on a few dates together and enjoyed getting to know each other. after a few dates and lots of texting leading up to it, we had a night in at his house and drank a bit too much. I stayed over but I decided it was too soon to sleep with him. I didn't gather that this was a problem but soon after this he started to be a bit more distant. it was like the momentum just stopped. he would still text me every other day, almost on cue, and we never made plans to see each other again. When I asked him what was up with us not seeing each other, he responded with "I think you're a sweetheart with a lot to offer, but I'm not looking for anything serious." I took this in and decided I just needed to back off since I'm not a hookup only kind of girl. This is where the problem began. I saw him a few weeks later and we were at a party where he had a lot to drink. He didn't seem drunk and was very serious, telling me he thought I was perfect, beautiful, so gorgeous...you name it. he said it loudly in front of all of his friends and coworkers...needless to say everyone knew how he felt about me that night. He begged me to stay over with him and I agreed that I would give him a ride home and would hear him out if he had anything else to say to me. I ended up staying again but again, did not sleep with him. I really like him, and I found out that he's been seriously burned in the past. we're talking, dated a girl for years, she broke up with him and married another guy a week later kind of thing. horrible. (although this happened years ago...and he has had a string of bad relationships since). I get that he has issues. and I also get that I should move on. my question is...is it possible for him to change? He is the way he is because he's been burned in the past so he doesn't want to take anyone seriously. I just really like him and I'm hesitant to give up. Guys...what can make you change if you're in this mindset? does it take a girl? or something completely unrelated? Was what he said to me all lies that night? not to sound full of myself, but just to give some perspective, I do get asked out quite a bit...I just haven't met anyone I like as much as him. he did a 180 on me. Let me know..just wanting some friendly advice. thanks everyone.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know I'm a girl, but I felt I should put in my two cents lol. I was where this guy was. burned. never that bad like he was, but I've been used and burned and hurt regarding dating and guys that I liked and guys that were into me. My advice... he doesn't need a one night stand or a relationship right now. what he needs is a good friend. if you continue to show him that you won't sleep around with him BUT you will be there for him when he needs you, then he will respect you and maybe even come to like you a little bit. given the situation, take it slow, be a friend, don't sleep with him. but show him that you care for him. then maybe he will see that not all girls will simply leave him. only leave him alone if he tells you something hurtful. even though that doesn't sound like that will happen lol. he sounds like he really likes you, and the way youve handled the situation so far has probably made him like you even more. good luck girl, you're doing everything you should be doing. just be patient and you can make it work :)

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    • Thank you so much :) I really appreciate it!

What Guys Said 1

  • just be a friend and be there for him. Just like thunder said, show him that he can trust you and let him know that he can trust you. Plus let him know what you think about him and show that he feels appreciated. Trust me if a girl I was dating left me and got married a week later I would second guess every thing I did during that relationship and wonder what I did wrong even if it was nothing show if he does something you love, let him know.

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    • Thank you, I really appreciate both of your guys feedback!

What Girls Said 3

  • I'm in the exact same situation as you. Not even kidding. The guy I really like has been burned by so many girls that he isn't the same any more. And one day (he was sober) he sent me a video of himself saying how amazing I was and that I was beautiful etc. etc. Here's what you should do: Oh but first! Not sleeping with him was an excellent decision btw! Like the previous comments said you have to let him trust you first become like his best friend! Try to stand out from all the other girls he knows. Be there for him whenever he needs you. This is going to be a long and slow process but just start off as friends and start flirting with him hinting off you want to be more then friends as time progresses. Just try to be his everything. If he's hurt be his doctor, if he needs advice be his Oprah! And if he needs a laugh because he's had a rough day, be his comedian! These things will add up and he'll truly appreciate you. If you have any other specific questions don't hesitate to message me :) I'm going through the same thing, so I really feel you.

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  • just try to give him some time

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  • I think he just needs time to heal, why don't you try and say you like him but that you still wnat to be with him in a commited but not labeled relationship.

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    • I think you're right :/ thank you for responding. I'll try it and see...

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