Question to the Ladies

Hi,

So I went out with this woman that I really really liked, more than any other girlfriend or date that I have ever been with. She is basically exactly what I had pictured I wanted in a woman so far as I can tell. But she left me after the third date and here is what she said:

I know that xxxxx is a farther drive than what you might be used to, and I'd never want to waste anyone's time or energy because I know it's precious! So, as much as I hate to say it, because I do think you are a cool person, I don't think I feel the connection I'm looking for. I have enjoyed getting to know you and hate that I don't feel in my heart it will work out. I really do wish you the best, and wish you lots of luck with your job and cabin-building! I'm glad I got to meet you!

All of our dates went very well, we held hands, kissed, etc and I didn't sense any boredom etc., it was all fun. The only potential issue I can see is that our hug right before parting on the third date was somewhat brief but reasonable. Otherwise, its possible she may have wanted more physically affection after, but I don't know.

So my question ladies is, can you interpret what she meant by "So, as much as I hate to say it, because I do think you are a cool person, I don't think I feel the connection I'm looking for. I have enjoyed getting to know you and hate that I don't feel in my heart it will work out."

Also, is it even possible to get back with a lady when you think you might really be compatible after something like above has happened ?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think she seems like a nice lady as she has been on a couple of dates with you and given it a decent chance for attraction to develop. Unfortunately, if she's not feeling the chemistry then there's not a lot you can do. Maybe ask if you can remain friends (but don't contact her constantly!) as occasionally feelings can change but to be honest, I would aim to move on and I'm sure the perfect lady is out there for you somewhere. Good luck.

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    • I sent an email to her the day before that was trying to explain something I told her during the date because I was a bit concerned she would take it the wrong way. I have a feeling I was just a bit needy in that email. I felt like everything else on the three dates went so great, it could be that just this one slightly concerned email made her go? My experience in the past is any concern about the relationship kills the relationship especially with attractive women. Seems so harsh to me.

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    • ... so if I was you, I would give her a couple of weeks space then contact her to say you would like to remain friends (do not start apologising, questioning what happened or trying to explain yourself!) keep conversation light hearted and fun then maybe after a week or so you can arrange to meet for a coffee as friends and if things stay fun, she may start to reconsider her decision. Don't pressure her though as she may just generally not be attracted to you as you are to her

    • Well I'm gonna wait to contact her again for two weeks. Haven't been needy at all, in fact I've done things to show I've moved on. In the mean time :) . . . . I'm gonna go buy a bike :). I'm getting the Triumph Speed Triple tomorrow (Black Phantom version) . Always wanted one and this is the kick in the pants to go do it. Maybe I'll send her a photo riding with all my new bad ass gear . . . . , or maybe I won't . . . . maybe I'll just let her go . . . . .

What Girls Said 5

  • ladies and I one of lady hood ithink she decide I think she is sure about farewell,can you try to make contact with her onse again tell her to tell the real truth what's her excatily feeling about ,i understand ec\ach word she said it hurt her to break your heart obvously that she likes you but not the grade of your ,you smitten on little detail ...i not sure about that you can get bach\k but the only thing I need you to make it for your self is calling her or meet her to tell not fake or dress up words to not break your own heart ,ask her to tell you the real hurting one ,try on that date change way of your hair style or wearing or perfume ,maght give you a chanse ,by not judge on that fast way

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  • yes, it is

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  • she migh tjust not be attracted to you phyically becasue of your looks.

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  • If she doesn't care about looks, it could be due to behavior. She admitted that she thought that it "wouldn't work out" so that means in the long run. She may have been analyzing your behavior to see if you would have been the type of husband that she wanted.

    She may have realized that your values are different than hers towards serious vs. causal relationships; habits (drinking, gambling, recreational drugs, extracurriculars); having children vs no children; if you believed in traditional house-roles; if you would try your best to make the relationship work later on; and what you would be like once you got too comfortable with her.

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    • I sent an email to her the day before that was trying to explain something I told her during the date because I was a bit concerned she would take it the wrong way. I have a feeling I was just a bit needy in that email. I felt like everything else on the three dates went so great, it could be that just this one slightly concerned email made her go? My experience in the past is any concern about the relationship kills the relationship especially with attractive women. Seems so harsh to me.

    • Personally, I wouldn't have minded the email because I think it's good that the other person cares about what I think or how they compose themselves. I certainly wouldn't think about getting serious with someone who's a jerk. Sadly in my case, my boyfriend revealed how he's a bit of a jerk later when I was in love. I prefer nice guys, which he tried his best to portray in the beginning.

      She seems to be very polite so she may have not reacted to the trait or value she disliked during the dates

    • Well I'm gonna wait to contact her again for two weeks. Haven't been needy at all, in fact I've done things to show I've moved on. In the mean time :) . . . . I'm gonna go buy a bike :). I'm getting the Triumph Speed Triple tomorrow (Black Phantom version) . Always wanted one and this is the kick in the pants to go do it. Maybe I'll send her a photo riding with all my new bad ass gear . . . . , or maybe I won't . . . . maybe I'll just let her go . . . . .

  • that you are not hot enough or you don't do many things that annoy her

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    • Not to be arrogant, but I am pretty good looking. Almost all the ladies I've been with have said that I am.

    • maybe it is your attitude

What Guys Said 1

  • You're basically chill, but you don't meet her physical attractiveness standard.

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