How do I convince him I'm not crazy?

So I met this guy on an online dating site. We communicated for 5 months prior to meeting because he is in the Navy and was away. Our first date was amazing and we connected on every level. He was sick, and the next day I actually went over to his place with some homemade chicken soup. He was very touched by that I could tell, and the next day he invited me over for dinner and a movie. It was actually the most amazing night of my life. He said that I was the sweetest girl he had ever met and what he had been searching for his entire life. Long story short, we only dated for three weeks. I did something that made him think I was crazy and I guess he decided he didn't want to take the risk of adding drama to his life. I went to his house after work and texting him to meet on the way because I needed to talk to him because things were a little weird between us the day before (sexually; I just wasn't ready). When I got there and saw his car parked, I called him a few times with no answer. Then I got really pissed and kept calling him and texting him non-stop, like only an insane person would. When he finally texted back he said that he had been asleep. He said he woke up to see all of my craziness. He refused to meet me. Said it was over and not to call him again. "You're sweet, but too much too soon", those were his words. It wasn't like me to act like I did and I am not at all a crazy or dramatic girl. But I've been under a lot of personal stress. I really tried to make this work because I could have sworn he was the one for me. I actually still believe that he is. In trying to fix things I've made them worse. I began sending him messages on that dating site we first started talking on (respecting the fact that he told me not to call him anymore), one to apologize and ask for another chance to forget and start over...a few days later I dropped the L-bomb, thinking that might make a difference if he still had feelings for me. I told him that I knew it would be hard for him to comprehend that I could feel that way about him after we had practically just met, so I would sent him reasons why, one for every day until he agreed to meet and talk, that I wasn't going to give up. He would read my messages (at the same time every day, almost as if he waited for them) but would never reply, and after day 4 he deleted or hid his profile. It was a stupid idea and I don't know what I was thinking or how I expected him to react.

I've been going through hell, hating myself everyday for ruining what we had. People think that I should just get over it because if it ended early on it just wasn't meant to be. But I can't help the way I feel about him. And I am sure that he initially had very strong feelings for me as well. He is currently away on work for the next two months, but will be back (we live in the same city) and I do still have his number. Is there ANY way I can get him to look past this and give us another chance?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand where you are coming from, I've been in that stage before, but never acted on the impulse, just went crazy in my own head because I know what it takes to scare a guy off. And I'm sure you know that is what you have done and are now trying to fix it. What you need to do now is BACK OFF. I promise you you are NOT going to win his heart by telling him you love him or giving him sex or telling him you are not crazy. Give him some distance. It sounds contradictory but backing away will show him you are not crazy and you don't give a damn about him(even though you do). I've been told and it is my experience that men respond to distance, not words.

    • Oh yes. The last thing you do when a guy pushes you away due to repulsion/lack of interest is chase him. You may not get the guy, but you'll keep your dignity vs. sacrificing said dignity and sending the guy running in the opposite direction.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You've tried too hard..there's nothing wrong with not giving up, but the endless messaging will make any guy think you're..well, at the minimum, obsessive!

    I don't know if you can fix things now, but for starters, don't contact him again for at least a month, and then, only a short text message. Nothing more than that, unless he replies and asks you back!

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What Girls Said 3

  • Oh honey.. no :( You're pretty much past the point of no return with this guy. You moved way too fast too soon with the guy, when from what I gather you weren't even in an exclusive relationship.

    You lost him at the stream of calls/texts, and sadly didn't leave him alone when he requested no contact ("don't call me" does NOT mean "contact me via other mediums."). Those two actions scream crazy. Blowing up his phone in case something truly is amiss is maybe okay if you are in a relationship.

    Then the incessant messages and dropping the L-bomb? Even more cray cray behavior. He made it crystal clear through words and lack of a response that he doesn't want you. Insisting you are not crazy will make you seem crazier, as people who are not crazy can tell when they feel/act crazy and know how to challenge the crazy thoughts and practice self-control/get help before spoiling relationships.

    Last, you can't make him, or any other human being, do anything. I am 99.9% sure he will not come back and it's best--no, necessary, that you do not contact him first ever again.

    I'm not trying to be mean, because I have experienced rejection too. I empathize but want you to learn. Your responses to him, starting up with blowing up his phone with angry messages, are not healthy behavior. Chalk it up to immaturity, lack of experience, craving for instant gratification, low serotonin, whatever, but you need to learn not to do it again, and talk it out if you need to.

    • Your dignity comes first in the future. You know the British statement "keep calm and carry on," right? It's the perfect statement for dealing with guys when their lack of action/interest makes you anxious. I have adopted it and it has helped curb my hotheadedness (spilling my feelings out, and explaining them in a nonthreatening but unnecessary manner because the guy lacks interest).

  • you really cant, just back off from him

  • well the only thing you can do is calm down and give him space. try to be normal.