Chatting to two girls, getting serious with one: how to let the other one down nicely?

I'm a guy who has never had a girlfriend (and is a virgin but that is outside the scope of the present discussion) so after finally deciding to do something about it, I have started seriously chatting to two girls (who are as of yet mutually unaware of each others' existence).

Anyway I went on a date with one of them (despite asking the other one out as well and giving her an equal chance) and we really clicked and have been chatting quite a bit and quite seriously. Also been chatting with the other one but not quite as much.

As the one I dated I've been getting on really well with and we've spoken of both wanting something serious/long term, I think its fair to all parties involved that I kind of tell the other one that I can't be with her in that way / things aren't going to head in a relationship direction.

My question is: how do I let her down easily, so as to not hurt her feelings and more importantly, keep her as a backup girl in case this other one doesn't work out (because I do really like her)?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • There is no way to let someone down easy, rejection hurts every time. The best way to do it though is just be honest and nice. None of that 'It's not you it's me' bullcrap, just say "I've really enjoyed getting to know you but right now I'm interested in dating other people". That's it, that is all that is required. She doesn't need to know it's ONE other girl, just that you are interested in looking elsewhere. As far as keeping her around for a 'backup girl', don't be a d***. If you don't like her enough to choose her now, then let her find someone who WILL put her first. You would not like it if a female kept you around for a back up so show the same common courtesy.

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    • I would love to be a backup person because it keeps an option open. I know its harsh (basically telling her that she's my 2nd choice) but on the other hand it is also not shutting her off completely and acknowledging that I still like her.

    • No one wants to be second choice. So yea I liked this chick better than you but that didn't work so should we try again? Um NO.

What Girls Said 3

  • there is no easy way to let her down, just man up and do it

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  • just tell her you can't do it anymore

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  • well I think its wrong of you to do that. but just tell the girl you are unsure of your feelungs for her

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What Guys Said 1

  • Well it's just dating so you don't have a commitment to either. I would say to not worry so much about letting her down easily. Most girls would say they would rather you be a jerk and get it over with than string her along or try to be this nice guy.

    My advice, don't keep a backup girl. Your going for a relationship with the one. Just tell the other one you don't see this going anywhere. Worst case scenario, if it doesn't work out with the one you like, you find someone else. You obviously can talk to girls if you have two that you are talking to at once. And continue using to talk to the other girl while you pursue something serious with the other can only come back to bite you.

    Plain and simple, if she's not good enough to win out over the girl your not sure is going to work out, than why waste your time?

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    • Or, bang the one you don't like as much to get one out of e way so your not as awful at Alex the first time you try it with a girl you actually like. Up to you

    • *sex, not Alex. Damn autocorrect

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