Does she even care? what should I do?

Me and this girl have been dating for over 4 months and about a month ago I asked her to be my girlfriend. She and I had a long talk about how she wasn't planning on a relationship and wanted to stay single. She told me that I could leave her or continue dating her... I'm in love with the girl and have been since I first met her over a year ago so of course I told her that I want to continue dating. She recently told me that our relationship is that we are both free to see whoever we want but she choose to date only me and I told her I choose to date only her because if I dated someone else she would be hurt. This freaked me out a bit so I talked to my friends and they say that I should stop paying for every date for fear she's a gold digger which she's not, one suggested giving her an ultimatum of be with me or I leave, or to just let it go and either move on or try the dating other people to make her jealous. I know she doesn't care if I have money and I'm not strong enough for an ultimatum and I can't see someone else because it would hurt her, me, and whoever else I'm dating because I'm just using them. I've thought about it and I don't care if were "exclusive" I just want to be able to hold her, say I love you, and not fear her leaving me or telling me she has no feelings at all. Ever sense then I'm having a hard time trying to put a smile on when in reality I'm really hurt because I can't tell if she likes me or is just using me. I don't understand what or why she doesn't want to be with me but it feels like its not you its me. That makes me even more sad because she's been there for me and I want nothing more than to help her through any and all of her problems just because I want her to be happy even if it doesn't make me happy which coincidently is where I am right now. So my question is what should I do and how do I move forward while keeping in mind that leaving the girl of my dreams is NOT an option?

Updates:
Just an update, I told her how I felt and that I love her and I said it because I wanted her to know how I feel and not because I wanted to hear it back. Her response was that she loves me too:) thank you all for your advice it gave me the courage I needed.o

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been there before (but in the reverse scenario), I think you should tell her everything your feeling - all that stuff you wrote towards the end. How you love her (or if you prefer say you have deep feelings for her), and how you can't really be happy because of where things stand between you. That your torn on what to do about it, and don't even feel like you can walk away at this point. Whatever you do don't let yourself get stuck where you are, all your bottled up feelings are and will continue to eat away at you if you don't do something - which eventually could led to lots of regrets and resentments. Telling her what your feeling is the best way to go in my opinion. She'll have to respond in someway! You'll have a better idea of how she feels towards you, and you'll be happy that you were finally able to let it out. It's not an ultimatium, its honesty! And no relationship of any kind can truly function or grow without it. So be honest with her, and allow yourself some self-respect by doing so.

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What Girls Said 8

  • being in love with someone is wonderful, but being in love with someone and not knowing if that person doesn't feel the same is like being stabbed in the heart. If she is only using you there is nothing there for you, the only thing you are doing is waisting your time and money on a girl that would leave you instantly. Personally I think you should tell her how you feel, you should let her know that if she is not ready to be in a relationship or doesn't want to there is nothing there for you because you want more. It will only tear you appart to be longer in a relationship with a person you love and that person doesn't feel the same way, maybe she does care for you but she is scared for commitment, maybe not. You have to let her know how you feel, tell her how much you care for her. Give her time to think about it but if she is not ready for that you should move on.

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  • Hey there. Firstly, I don't think she is using you. If she was using you, I'm sure you would sense it. Just because she says she does not want to be in a relationship doesn't mean you can not ask to be exclusive. Also, you don't need to pay for every date! If you have paid for a few maybe set the premise by going out for some ice cream and just paying for your own. It can be scary when you really like someone that you may loose them. However, you should not compromise yourself just to keep her around. She will loose respect for you if you do this anyway. Its also a guy/girl thing that guys want to fix what is wrong with their lady but unfortunately you can't always do that. My guess is that she is scared of being in a relationship and was hurt in the past. I say this because she blatantly told you she wants to be with just you. That being said the "exclusivity" conversation needs to happen before she hurts you. I don't think she would do that but once you have the conversation, she can not see anyone else and say "well we were not together." Just take it slow, give her time, understand how he feels but also ask for what you need. It seems weird but every girl wants a man she can respect... and you get respect by having standards :) Good luck! Remember if it doesn't work out... even though it seems impossible, you will have strong feelings for another girl!

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  • Be supportive. Be that guy that she always come to. Be a safe (and no ultimatum) guy. I was youtubing and this what one of the guy said, that someone is looking for fun but they will always come back to relationship where they feel safe and accepted (as well as supported). Give also some distant between you and her for a couple weeks and see if the heart grows fonder. Time will tell!

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  • Well I suggest stop dating her and wait until she is ready. No point settling for half of her when you could wait for all and if she still don't want you, regardless of weather you love her or not you need to let her go. Don't use the jealousy card since she won't trust you and if there is no trust there is no us.

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  • just be there for her

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  • I think you should move before you get too close, unless your wiling to risk and see if she changes her mind.. but don't count on it..

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  • why is it not an option? just move on, find a better girl.

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  • i think you should just move on, she won't give you what you want and it will only end up hurting you

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What Guys Said 0

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