Why is she acting like this?

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost five years. Before I go any further I confess that I've cheated on her; she found old flirty emails to a couple of my female friends and coworkers in my Facebook inbox a few months ago. I've never physically engaged with any other female, but emotional infidelity is still cheating. I've made amends by changing my phone no, deleted my FB page and severed all contact with my female friends and we've been going to couple therapy.

I have a 13 year old son who stays with me during the summer and things weren't good with us before he arrived; I forgot to do soem "homework" for our therapist and she left halfway through therapy, and she decided to not see much of me so she wouldn't get in the way of the time I spend with him. I respect that, but lately she's been a real bitch to me and blowing me off when I have a few hours to myself and I want to spend some time with her and fix our relationship. She keeps telling me to focus on my son. Now it seems as if she's taking to pushing me away, and telling me that we're not broken up, but she doesn't want to see me until my son leaves. Once, I texted her and asked what she was up to, and she called me back and blasted me saying that I don't need to know what she's doing, who's she's with, she's doing her thing and she expects the same. She keeps bringing up all my past mistakes, the cheating and everything. She pushes me to the point to where I lose my cool and fire back at her and she is justified in hanging up on me and not speaking to me. Then she tells me that her guy friend is coming into town and staying at her place for a couple of days. I trust her, but I don't trust (or like ) him AT ALL; they have a history of hanging out, being wild and hooking up. I told her I wasn't comfortable with that, but she told me (once AGAIN)" to focus on my kid and not worry about her because she's a grown woman and she can do whatever she wants. "

I've paid my dues, and I still feel like I'm being punished for everything. She won't go out with me because we were supposed to have a date night with dinner and a night in a fancy hotel, but I had to pay my phone bill, so she doesn't want to accept one thin dime from me even for a stick of gum. She won't have sex with me anymore because I made foot in mouth comments in bed several months ago. I tell her that I'm trying my hardest to make it work and my actions have backed it up, but the wall is up and I can't get through. I've expressed my concerns to her, but she called me "high maintenance" and even a "v****a".

I never agreed to this "break" at all because she did this to me two years ago and ended up totally breaking it off with me and dated an old boyfriend. If anything, I just want her to be more respectful and stop the head games. We have another therapy session in August and I can see her not going or dumping me so she won't have to be accountable for her actions and her attitude.

Any advice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, obviously she is still hurt after you cheated on her. Only time can heal that but while she is recovering from the hurt you should still try to fight for her.

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    • I've practically went to war for her, and I'm still fighting for her! At this point, I feel as if I'm being led on; Whether or not she still wants to be with me and regardless of how much pain I've caused her, I still feel justified for her to buck up and tell me she doesn't want to be with me or she wants to be with me instead of having her cake (by still saying we're together) and eating it too (not wanting to spend SOME time with me,dissing me, throwing all my wrongs in my face, etc.)

    • well that's bitchy

What Girls Said 15

  • The ship has sailed for this relationship .

    She cheated on you , you cheated on her , it's time to end this , it's not healthy for you . She says she is a grown woman but she has yet to have a real adult convo with you. Let her go . (She probably has hooked up with the other guy already ijs.)

    Give all your attention to your kid, he is way more important than her , he is at the age where he is most vulnerable to outside influences , don't make the mistake of getting your priorities mixed up. Good luck.

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    • They've hooked up many times before I even met her. What kills me most is the unknown and probable cause; he's a big time "man whore" (not being mean when I say it; she's confirmed it also) and he knows her ins and outs more than I do. She said I cheated and she believes that two wrongs don't make a right; but what's to stop her from drinking a little bit, laughing, joking and letting her guard down and he charms his way into doing God knows what with her.

    • The best thing for you to do is cut all ties with this woman . She will bring you nothing but drama.

  • You've lost her trust...COMPLETELY, it seems. And that is one thing that is very difficult to get back. This relationship cannot be amended if one party is half-hearted. Have a talk with her and see where she emotionally and mentally stands with you and the relationship.

    All the best.

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  • I apologize in advance, but she sounds particularly immature. Time to move on regardless. This does not sound like a healthy relationship. And it doesn't sound like she wants to make things work.

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  • Yeah, she is not over and more likely to break it up with you. It takes 2 to make a relationship works.

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  • I would leave her, she wants you to chase her and to try to get her bak so you can suffer how she suffered when you cheated but she'll never come bak

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  • I think she has emotionally checked out of the relationship. Only time will tell now

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  • I think she is thinking deeply about messing around with that guy friend of hers. She's probably thinking, well, he screwed me over, let him see about his kid and let me have some fun. Just my idea though, that doesn't necessarily need to be the case. If she does show up at therapy next time, try to be as cool as possible and ask her what you have done again after trying to patch things up for her to behave like that. Ask her how she feels about your relationship right now.

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  • you hurt her a lot but it also seems like she can't get past it. maybe this relationship is over. it's very hard to look past a betrayal. she is probably scared of being alone but doesn't feel the same about you anymore.

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  • break it off, sounds like too much stress.

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    • It is stressful, but her attitude isn't helping. Pushing me away is one thing. Calling me names, being a bitch and trying to push my hot buttons is another.

  • call me old fashioned but maybe its because you cheated and she is not forgiving you at all, I guess she wants to see you suffer in the way she think she felt at the time.

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    • Old fashioned or not; cheating is cheating emotional or otherwise. And I am suffering.

    • But you cheated on her.

    • If you are suffering maybe you should end it

  • she won't forget that you cheated easily

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  • She's trying to see how see feels about you and is using your child as an excuse, there might be times it even months when it seems like she is forgiving you about the cheating thing but it's still going to hit her out of no where and it's just a clear picture she's not over the cheating thing and she just doesn't know what to do with the Relationship, but if you really care and want to make it work, keep trying like call her text her and maybe send her flowers to her house something like that and just show her you want to make it out even if she is fun to feel this way

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  • i was in a similar situation except I am female. my boyfriend and I having been going out for 2 years. I emotionally cheated as well fcbk, etc...never anything physical. anyway he found out too and since then was a lot colder to me. would have mood swings with me and I could sense he was pushing me away a lot. every couple of weeks we would have a fight and he would say comments like why don't you go talk to your guys on fcbk. anyway even at times when things are good occasionally it will keep coming up. honestly, I know deep down he doesn't trust me that's why. the damage has been done. trust as cliche as it sounds is the foundation of a relationship. bottom line is she doesn't trust you. and it doesn't matter what you do or say now because in the back of her mind she is doubting you. honestly, you can't make a future with someone like this as much as you want to THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE.

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  • i just don't think she will get over the fact that you cheated.

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  • I think she won't forget that you cheated, she doesn't have to be nice with you and be all understanding. Her feelings are hurt and she won't be normal and totally rational until she solves things

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    • I understand she won't forget, but after I changed my number, deleted my FB page and cut ties with everyone that she saw as a threat to us she was very loving and supportive. I'm sorry that I didn't specify that but I didn't have enough space left to type.

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