Confused - no bedroom spark?

A little back story here... Met a girl through an online dating website. We went on a casual dinner date, then a walk in the park. It was your standard 1st date kinda thing. Except when we kissed, it was pretty amazing for both of us. We ended up talking a lot more and making out for a couple of hours in the parking lot. Not exactly classy, but we were really into each other. Spent at least 6 hours together on that date before we finally parted.

We text a lot from then on. We're both very vocal about how attracted we are to each other. She tells me often how "hot" I am and such. We talk about general life stuff, everything seems to click between us perfectly in every department. So we meet up to watch a fireworks show on the holiday. We have a little romantic night laying in the grass, making out and talking. we decide to pick up a bottle of wine and head back to my place. We have a glass of wine and talk and things start getting hot. We ended up doing dirty things and even had to go buy more protection from the store! She spends the night with me at my place. I take her back to her car around 10am next morning.

later that day I text her what a great time I had. She says she did too and even adds "you're so hot" in that text. So I text her that I'm looking for a place for us to stay at the beach. -We had already made plans to have a romantic night at the beach before that. (we were really into each other lol) Then out of the blue she texts back and says she's got to be honest with me, that she didn't really feel that sexual "spark." And insinuated we should probably call off the beach plans.. I had already bought her a lavender rose to surprise her with too... Needless to say I was shocked... She goes on to say that it's probably because she doesn't know me well enough and she doesn't usually go that fast with someone. She says she still wants to date but she just wants to take it slow and get to know each other better. So yeah I felt like a total idiot for having bought her a rose and everything, and talk about a blow to my ego. But I take it with a grain of salt and take her word for it.

We then decide to have a more casual date. But the next day she asks me if I want to go to the lake with her family. I say what the hell. I pick her up and we go to the lake. I meet her mom and uncle. We talk a lot, and act as if the awkward sex discussion never happened. We kiss a lot and hold hand and I take her to a nice restaurant for dinner. When I dropped her off, we talked and she smiled a lot and we kissed for like 5 minutes.

So question is... What does that whole sexual spark thing really mean? Is it common for a girl to regret getting too physical too early and just try to slow it down? Should I be worried? She really, really seems into me, and I her. She says she's addicted to kissing me and all this kind of stuff... Is she like, trying to see what kind of guy I really am or what? Why would she still be interested if there was no bedroom "spark"

Updates:
Thanks everyone! Really helps that everyone gave pretty much the same general opinion. I'm just not going to sweat it and take it slow. I really think she likes me, too obviously.. It does make sense that we just went too fast and she likes me enough not to just cut it off, but to be honest and even see me a few days later. In retrospect, it was too fast, and I can identify a lot of things that could have made it better. Including just waiting longer! Thanks again!
She said "Hey how are you today :)" Then never responded to me for liek 6 hours after I did. Then she randomly told me it wasn't going to work and alter told me it was because of the bedroom spark. What the hell? Oh well. Talk about leading someone on.
That was like 3 days after my original post.

1|0
12|1

Most Helpful Girl

  • ignore what the first anonymous guy said, it's not "just a line" and girls don't immediately consult a gaggle of friends to act as their relationship jury let them condemn her actions. She obviously really likes you, but it is very possible things weren't working for her sexually the first time, even if she gave you positive fed back at first, sex is different for girls, she wouldn't have told you that if she did not really mean it.

    don't start panicking and over analyzing, she hasn't gone cold on you, introducing you to family shows she really likes you just relax for now and wait for the signs that she's ready to try again.

    0|1
    0|1

What Girls Said 11

  • For a lot of women sex is more mental than physical. It's about trusting your partner. You can have a guy who's technically horrible but if you trust him and he makes you feel like the only girl in the world then the sex will be awesome. There's also the other extreme and everything in between. I'm thinking she just wants to feel more comfortable with you and make sure you think she's special. You could tell her till you're blue in the face but talk is cheap. She needs to see it and that takes a little time.

    There's also the other aspect that society has conditioned women to feel ashamed of themselves if they have sex too early. Sure it's easy to say f*ck what anyone else thinks but it's difficult not to tell yourself you're cheap.

    Basically try not to take it personally just get to know her.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Maybe she felt bad about herself because of how soon you had sex. Its happened to me before, but I decided to just avoid the guy because of how bad I felt. And maybe she said there was no bedroom spark, because she doesn't want to have sex with you again, anytime soon. But things seem to being going good between you guys, so just take it slow with her. Good luck!

    0|1
    0|0
  • first off: I think she likes you.

    I can't really relate, cause I'm not like this, but some girls are more conservative/shy/whatever, and don't want to have sex too fast. or they need a lot of intimacy for good sex. they need feelings, "i love yous," etc. so even if the sex was great, physically, maybe the emotional part was missing and she didn't feel too comfortable yet.

    just give her some time. keep dating her and take it slow.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Maybe she doesn't want you to see her as a easy girl since you guys had sex really soon? but she obviously likes u.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yup, just confirming what everyone else has said here before. You did over think this waayy too much. Just because she suddenly realized you were going too fast, it doesn't mean she doesn't like you as much anymore or that she doesn't want to get sexual. It just means she wants to get to know you even better, as she even told you. And as ColdFeet said, sex is a lot more emotional to girls. It's about fully trusting the other person with their own body. So yeah, it can be a pretty huge deal, and I'm guessing she simply realized she's not ready for that just yet. No need to take it personally and feel like an idiot. It's not your fault at all, both of you just lived in the moment for a while but she just happened to snap out of it. You're great for not pushing her or being disrespectful towards her because she's not going at a faster pace.

    I hope it works out between you two. :)

    0|1
    0|0
  • She is just worried that you will consider her as easy.

    0|1
    0|0
  • The kettle got hot too quickly... lower the heat down, I'm sure the wait is going to worth waiting for.

    0|1
    0|0
  • she likes you, give it more time.

    0|1
    0|0
  • myabe hse is insecure about sex

    0|1
    0|0
  • shes into you. don't over think the situation.

    0|1
    0|0
  • i think she likes you, stop worrying about everything

    0|2
    0|0

What Guys Said 1

  • Ignore her choice of words. Don't get hung up on spark. My guess is...it finally sunk in what had happen, and how soon. She's probably told her friends, and they jumped all over her for "being easy" or moving so fast with a guy she barely knows. They probably told her that if she keeps it up with the sex...that you'll lose interest and find someone else. Bottomline, she wants to hit rewind, and fall in love first. She obviously fell in lust before.

    I think you're still okay as far as her interest level in you. You need to work on being classy, and treat her very very well. Hold off on gifts for 6 mos. Don't bring up sex again, and limit the touching you initiate. Let her initiate when she's comfortable.

    Saying there was no sexual spark is simply a line, and bad choice of words. Going back to the store for more protection does not sound to me like the sex was not HOT enough for her. Just watch her behavior closely man. Look for red flags, and or more back tracking and excuses. Honestly I think you're good to go at the moment. She obviously didn't want to leave a bad feeling with you, which is why she invited you to the lake. Don't ruin a good thing by moving too fast. Best of luck!

    1|1
    1|0
    • @ update. Just don't bring this issue up to her. Don't talk about it. Pretend it never happened. If she wants to talk about it and brings it up, then its okay to comment a little. You should focus your conversations on light and funny stuff, not deep subjects, or past issues.

    • @ update. Like I orginally told you...ignore her words. They are lies. Her interest in you was never high to begin with. I REPEAT. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX OR LACK OF BEDROOM SPARK. That is complete BS. Go find someone who is truly in to you...and don't make the same foolish mistakes in the future.

Loading...