Will I ever find mutual chemistry?

I'm 23 years old, have never really dated or kissed a guy. I've graduated college and I'm going on to do my masters (eventually) and do my phd (as well). I'm a very sweet, loyal and funny person (as these are the three main things my friends tell me). I'm average looking I suppose, even though some guys have said above average but I doubt that since guys barely approach me. I try super hard to give off an approachable vibe, but truth is a lot of my friends before they got to know me thought I was "bitchy" "didn't like them" or intimidating in high school, when I was kind of shy. And apparently I gave that same vibe off to guys, because I wouldn't talk to them properly. Slowly I began having more guy friends (all be it, not very many) but I got used to laughing and talking with them and see how I do have to communicate with them differently than I do my girlfriends.

Anyways, with no dating experience I went on a free online dating site that a lot of people used and had success so I thought why not, even a few people (family members of friends) got married to people they met of that website.

So last year I joined it and went on 3 dates with different guys none of them were any good, first guy was a total jerk but gave it a try again still.

Then now I went back on it this summer, met a guy who I thought was very good on paper and in person very good looking. After the date started I could tell he wasn't into me at all, indirectly told me how he was cheap, everything I told him I liked he tried to showcase how he didn't like it. Like we both liked fitness, I thought that was common ground be he even tried to change that. I don't know if I appear that different in pictures and then real life because why do they ask me out and message me for weeks and then just want to get the hell out of the date, this guy even looked at his watch 2 separate times and asked when I was going to meet my friends and where.

So after this date I cried and vented to a few close girlfriends a lot. I have read books on dating and advice on flirting all that stuff that normal people don't have to do. Then I still went back on that website and now barely any guys I like are giving me much attention. I'm so depressed about my situation, I've even lost my apetite and I don't want to talk to my family at home even and they have no clue about this (can't tell them about this dating stuff because they are opposed to it... long story.)

I really don't know what to do and how to move on. I actually miss talking to this last guy, and now I know for sure he doesn't want anything to do with me. I feel so crushed.


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you think you look average, then you should step up your perception of yourself. No guy is going to think you're beautiful unless you think that you are. And although I must say, it's nice to share your life with a guy, but if he is not the right guy for you then leave him alone. I know it gets lonely when you are by yourself, and I know you want that companionship from a guy. Just don't get desperate for a guy, because that's how we as females get hurt.

    Some females know that sex keeps some guys around for a while, so they offer it up whenever they can for the attention. Or some girls will stay with guys that cheated on them, because they can't live without guys in their lives. They are desperate as fu$% ! And they shouldn't validate themselves, by keeping guys around who just use them. I refuse to be used!

    And this guy that you thought looked good on paper just wasn't attracted to you. Because guys are visual, they WILL talk great about themselves in front of an attractive girl.. period. If he didn't sell his vision of himself to you, then stay away from him- you don't need him. And if you like online dating, go to different websites and meet other guys. But don't forget that you can meet guys everywhere else, like the library, the mall, or at Starbucks :) Don't lose hope, and don't get desperate. Males get better with age, in their 20's, their penises do the picking mostly. It is what it is. In their 30's and 40's, more of them seem to mature.

    • So I'm suppose to wait til I'm 35 to find a guy that'll like me:S basically because 99% of them aren't attracted? Its pointless then. I have to get married in my late twenties latest because of my culture and if I don't I'll get an arranged marriage for sure, which I really don't want. This is because I know all of the sh*t my mom went through with my dad and she still has to stay married to him.

      I think I'm pretty, act like I have confidence but after every date I've had my confidence j

    • just goes downhill like crazy. I don't get why guys will talk to me online, message me waste my time, and then ask me out and then do very douche things on the date which make it clear they ABSOLUTELY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I just feel very hurt, and its discouraging to think any guy would actually fall in love with me.

    • Most guys in their 20s are inconsiderate, selfish, and unsympathetic. But this is how they act at this age group. They don?t care about wasting your time, most of the time they only care about themselves and sex . Which is why I?m confused as to why you can?t refuse to have an arranged marriage with some stranger? What will happen if you refuse an arranged marriage? And do you wear one of those head covers?


Have an opinion?


Send It!

What Guys Said 1

  • u should yes


What Girls Said 4

  • well you will! just be patient.

  • i feel the same way as you. I just try to stay hopeful.

  • I wonder the same thing about myself. People never seem to "get" me.

  • yes, you will