How to accept that I'll never be in love?

So I'm 23 years old, have never really dated or kissed a guy. I've graduated college and I'm going on to do my masters (eventually) and do my phd (as well). I'm a very sweet, loyal and funny person (as these are the three main things my friends tell me). I'm average looking I suppose, even though some guys have said above average but I doubt that since guys barely approach me. I try super hard to give off an approachable vibe, but truth is a lot of my friends before they got to know me thought I was "bitchy" "didn't like them" or intimidating in high school, when I was kind of shy. And apparently I gave that same vibe off to guys, because I wouldn't talk to them properly. Slowly I began having more guy friends (all be it, not very many) but I got used to laughing and talking with them and see how I do have to communicate with them differently than I do my girlfriends.

Anyways, with no dating experience I went on a free online dating site that a lot of people used and had success so I thought why not, even a few people (family members of friends) got married to people they met of that website.

So last year I joined it and went on 3 dates with different guys none of them were any good, first guy was a total jerk but gave it a try again still.

Then now I went back on it this summer, met a guy who I thought was very good on paper and in person very good looking. After the date started I could tell he wasn't into me at all, indirectly told me how he was cheap, everything I told him I liked he tried to showcase how he didn't like it. Like we both liked fitness, I thought that was common ground be he even tried to change that. I don't know if I appear that different in pictures and then real life because why do they ask me out and message me for weeks and then just want to get the hell out of the date, this guy even looked at his watch 2 separate times and asked when I was going to meet my friends and where.

So after this date I cried and vented to a few close girlfriends a lot. I have read books on dating and advice on flirting all that stuff that normal people don't have to do. Then I still went back on that website and now barely any guys I like are giving me much attention. I'm so depressed about my situation, I've even lost my apetite and I don't want to talk to my family at home even and they have no clue about this (can't tell them about this dating stuff because they are opposed to it... long story.)

I really don't know what to do and how to move on. I actually miss talking to this last guy, and now I know for sure he doesn't want anything to do with me. I feel so crushed. I don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Let me give you a reality check.

    I know one guy who has done a fair amount of online dating, and generated several long term (3 months to a couple years) relationships from online. I know other people who've used it a bit, but he's the most effective.

    When he's single, he goes on 5-10 first dates -a week-. Of those, -maybe- half warrant a second date, and of those 2-3 second dates, maybe one or two hits a third date, and maybe from there they try dating, and maybe that lasts a few weeks, or not.

    Most dates aren't going anywhere. That's just how it is.

    Another piece of advice from the same guy? He considers lots of 'talking' online a waste of time. You do NOT know if there's any potential till you meet in person. So he asks people to meet in person RIGHT AWAY. Huge numbers of people online are flakes just looking for attention or chatting, so it filters them out. People who actually want to date, want to meet! These are not big dates - just meeting for a drink or coffee. You like their profile, there's potential, they like yours, you meet for a quick drink, see each other in person, interact, and half the time, its worth setting up a dinner date based on that.

    Don't let it get you down.


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What Guys Said 3

  • The Real Answer: I got to 23 and kind of just shook my head. Come back in 20 years.

    The Correct Answer: Hun'boo. Don't worry. Just be yourself. Someday for no apparent reason someone will love you.

    Give me BA.

  • i'm 25 and never had a girlfriend, I feel your pain

  • Don't worry about it and don't give up. I'm almost 23 and I've never really dated or kissed anyone. It can get frustrating at times, but I like to believe everything will end up fine some day.


What Girls Said 6

  • Girl, welcome to the world of dating! A world of excitement and then sudden disappointment.

    Dating, however, is not just about finding someone else who will appreciate you; it's also about appreciating yourself and building your self-esteem. When dating and trying to learn about other people, you actually learn more about yourself than you do the other person. I.e, what do you like, what you don't like, what your expectations are, what makes you happy. When you figure out all these things about yourself, you focus on finding the right person to compliment you. Dating is much more than looks or how they seem on paper. And it's more than trying to be what someone else may like. It's about being able to like yourself AND the other person.

    Okay! So the first few dates didn't work out! It happens. Finding your soul mate takes time. Every date, or relationship are all lessons. I know-it sounds cliche' but it's THE TRUTH. So take those experiences and learn from them. Now you know what you're not looking for in a guy and the type of guy you DON't want and this is a GOOD thing. So. . .

    The first thing I would suggest to you, is to find out what type of person YOU are. What do you like about yourself? You seem to be an ambitious young lady who is headstrong and knows what she wants! You've already chosen a career path and started that educational journey! You can get a date (no matter how you met the other person), so now you know guys do find you attractive. And I know the shy ones (like myself) are the most loyal, which makes for an excellent girlfriend.

    Second, don't give up! Just like college, dating is hard and it takes persistence and hard work. It takes trying and failing and then getting back up and trying all over again until you finally get it right. But if you continue to sit and feel sorry for yourself and depressed, you're going to continue to be unhappy. GET UP! Go do something! Find a hobby, do things that you normally wouldn't do,and hang out with your friends. ENJOY LIFE!

    Lastly, but most important, find someone you can talk to about this. A lot of people are afraid to speak to counselors or therapists about their feelings, but let me tell from experience, it is the best feeling in the world to have someone who is willing to listen and give you expert advise!

    You are a beautiful woman inside and out! KNOW THIS and find a guy who sees it to. You may end up disappointed every now and then, but love is possible!

  • You will be! You can't give up now, you're only 23! I know you think that it's odd that you haven't dated or a kissed a guy yet, but it's really not. A friend of mine was exactly like you, but she hadn't given up hope. She went on holiday with her family, came back with a boyfriend, and they've been together for three years now :o. It's hard, but put yourself out there! Join different clubs, go out with your friends, make sure you're constantly meeting new people. You'll soon find a guy who likes the things you like, and who likes you!

  • Ok sweetie, trust me, I am in the same position as you. I am 23 and never had a serious boyfriend. But honestly once I started to change how I felt about myself and how I interacted with guys, namely not caring what other people think, things started changing. Right now, I've been asked on a lot of dates and have an opportunity to meet and flirt. Giving up my sense of fear of judgement, I found that guys could appreciate the more fun side of myself. It seems like you are very caught up in your head. Relax and enjoy it. You are young and have a lot of years to date. If he doesn't want you, then good riddance! Another will come along ;)

  • you will be one day

  • im 20 and I'm the same, don't give up-

  • if I were you I wouldn't give up