Did I mess things up?

I think I screwed up big time with this guy I met (online).

I thought he was not interested because he kept putting our dates on hold (dates he'd plan himself!). He cancelled many times.

As I thought he was not interested, I started seeing someone else (nothing serious) and therefore updated my status to "seeing someone".

Ever since I updated my status last Thursday, this guy literally fell off the face of the earth. It's very likely he saw my status change because that day, he logged on several times (which never happens). But he's been offline since, which is highly unlike him as he's been going on this website every single day since we started talking about 5 months ago (even when we were not speaking).

Maybe it has nothing to do with me. But for some reason, I'm under the impression I'm somehow the factor that caused such disappearance because it's a strange coincidence. I really wanted things to move forward with him.

Could it be that he is a bit annoyed/pissed/jealous? I have no idea what's going through his head.

I don't know what to do because I'm very attracted to him but I have no idea if he's interested and if me seeing someone made him run away for good!

I'd hate to think that I screwed him over if he was actually interested.

What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Trying to guess what's going on here will probably do a lot more harm than good. If the thing with guy #2 isn't that serious, and you want to see guy #1 again, then just tell guy #1 what's going on. You don't need to sound desperate or anything, but there's nothing wrong with saying, "Listen, I got the impression you weren't really interested since you kept cancelling our dates, but maybe I was just misinterpreting that. I'd still be interested in getting together if you are. If not, no big deal." Honesty can actually go a long way, and there are three possible options for his response:

    1) He doesn't respond at all, in which case you can see how things develop with guy #2.

    2) He says he's not interested, which he'll be more honest about if you are honest with him, and you can see how things develop with guy #2.

    3) He says he is interested and there were legitimate reasons for cancelling the dates, in which case you can see him again (while making sure that you remain honest with guy #2 to avoid messes down the line).

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    • Thank you very much for your help. Your advice definitely worked.

      I told him something very similar to what you suggested above.

      He told me he was still interested. It was just a slight misunderstanding.

      Thanks again!

What Guys Said 6

  • you're with someone so you really shouldn't care.

    if he was really interested he wouldn't have cancelled meeting you time after time. he messed up and missed his chance...and if he REALLY was into you he would ask about the new relationship.

    I think you should continue seeing this guy you were with no sense in ruining something you have for something you never had and really didn't know if you would ever actually have it

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  • Nothing, really - it was HE that screwed up a good deal, not you.

    He's was getting busy with others things/people and now drowning in them or on vacation.

    IF

    you really want to know, then phone in a message of concern that he dropped off the planet and please let you know he's OK ... with details.

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  • He didn't make a move and another guy did, his loss. He can feel jealous about it but he didn't try hard enough.

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  • The guy clearly wasn't so interested in you that he could make even the smallest, online, commitment. If your choice of moving on with you life caused him to scurry into a crevice like some sort of bug, then it can't be your fault. Bugs just like crawling under rocks - they don't really need an excuse.

    Anger and jealousy get expressed - this is simple cowardice or just being creepy.

    Mind you, I pity the guy you're seeing if you are obsessing over a creepy bug.

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  • Nah, he screwed up, when you make a date with someone, you keep it.

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  • he feels you have screwed him over , he's not gone for good chase

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What Girls Said 4

  • i think he just is kicking his ass over not making an effort

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  • he might be jealous but you shouldn't really be thinking about him. you should have been more sure about your feelings and not go out with someone if you really want somebody else

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    • I know I shouldn't be thinking about him but I can't help it. I know it's not fair to this new guy though.

  • He screwed up and you shouldn't feel bad with how he is acting because you have no reason to be. It seems he messed you around and if he's mad it's because things are not how he wants them to be. It doesn't mean he would not mess you around again he is just acting like a child by the sounds of it. Just leave him to it,he messed you around and there is no need for you to give him and explanation. You owe him nothing!

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  • I think he doesn't have the right to get mad, but he still did. You shouldn't do anything, he acts completely irrationally

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