Why in the early stages of dating does everything have to be on the guys terms?

Every time I start to talk to a guy I feel like he's always the one who has the upper hand. For example a guy will text me and ill text him back but when I text first he won't answer. This happens over and over to me I just don't get why I can't ever have the upper hand. Why should he only talk to me when he feels like it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't understand this either, unless we are both just cursed with meeting guys who are just not into us at all :(

    I've only had one boyfriend who would initiate anything. But me and him didn't work out, he was incredibly controlling and always criticized me. So he ended it. All the others just act indifferent towards me and it's clear they have the upper hand. Then eventually they lose interest and tell me I'm more like a friend.

    Yes! It's this is a girl who get's friend-zoned! And no, I'm not withholding sex.

    The guy I have been seeing for the past few months started off wonderfully. He would always be eager to talk to me, we would talk for hours online, have constant texts, and then when we met each other he couldn't spend enough time with me.

    But now that he knows he has me, that's all changed. We went from talking for 5 hours a day online, and texting constantly, to never talking online. We see each other on weekends, but I am always the one initiating it :(

    Then when I see him, he goes golfing, then comes home and wants to nap. I would love to spend some time with him doing something. I'm not opposed to him having a hobby, in fact I support it fully. I ask to go golfing with him all the time, but he says I need to go to the driving range first and practice hitting the balls. Which I have agreed and even asked to do several times, yet he never makes any solid plans to do so!

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    • The part about have a life of your own applys here

      what have you been doing to enjoy yourself before you met him? what happened to your life after you met him?

      You probably gave up a lot to be with your guy. You gave up time with your friends and family. You gave up doing things you USED to love doing swimming, hiking etc

      You gave it up in order to spend time with him. You gave it up to make him feel comfortable. You gave things up because the RELATIONSHIP seemed important & wanted it to work

What Guys Said 5

  • This is very backwards to me honestly. Usually we have guys complaining about the girls doing this.

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    • Really? Because I experience this also :S I always initiate EVERYTHING! I've only had one boyfriend that actually texted me first, but we ended up not working out because he was incredibly controlling :(

    • Oh yeah. I just answered another question on this same scenario and it was a guy asking why the girl doesn't initiate anything.

    • Really because when I do I either never get a text back or they are cold to me, so I gave up trying to put effort in.

  • Because you girls want it that way

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  • because most girls expect that

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  • I always thought it went the girls way on how girls want the guy to plan out the dates, drive to the dates, and pay for the dates

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  • becuase if he does that . then girls will consider him a weak guy + if he asked you out and he pays (I don't see a reason to complain) . e thankful that you are not ugly like me

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    • Don't say you are ugly don't put yourself down and don't worry I feel ugly every day cause I can't find the right guy for me. I hope he's out there.

    • you feel ugly , I've been called ugly by many girls

    • Thats so mean then they are not worth your time. If you want to talk add me scnbabe89 is me.

What Girls Said 8

  • Men are a creature of their own kind they come with variation

    Personally I think it is best to have a guy pursue because the two of you are dating and not official. He is probably seeing other people, or trying to figure out where he wants to take this

    I suggest you don't go all into a guy when you are dating him but just show him interest when the two of you go on dates rather than through text etc

    Also show interest when things are official otherwise the guy may think you are desperate, get scared and back off

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  • not materr

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  • idk I always have the upper hand when talking to a guy in the early stages

    But what you should do is like not answer once or twice or wait a while and then answer when talking to a guy, that way he's more desperate to talk to you; therefore, giving you the upper hand.

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  • not every time it is like that

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  • It doesn't. Speak your mind when you want to. He's probably only controlling things because you're letting him or making him.

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  • You generally need to date guys who are more interested in you than you are in them.

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    • thats stupid ... so we date girls who are less intersted in us ?

    • In the beginning, usually.

  • i feel that way too. like we can't show that much interest until they do.

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  • Usually it's the opposite

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