Ex boyfriend keeps staring at me, advice please? ;( we had a bad break up?

Hi, me and my ex boyfriend was together for one year and 2 months.

I broke up with him because he was abusive.

I couldn't do with all the mind games he played.

He text me nasty things because I ended it with him.

He made up I messaged his sister on Facebook and then he texted me again the week after. After a huge argument he created through text, I ended up telling him to never speak to me again.

We was ignoring each other at first. He said 'Hi' to me outside the pub, but I just ignored him. We haven't spoke in one month. But I went out the other night and he walks over to me by himself, stares at me for a few minutes and smiles then walked away. I then walked past him and he turned around very fast and stared at me as I walked for a few minutes. I wasn't looking at him either then.

Then to make it worse I saw him talking to another girl. He hasn't moved on with anyone else or got a new girlfriend, but it hurt so much to see that. He didn't look happy with her and they wasn't sitting close. He was talking to her as soon as I walked back over. Why does he still continue to stare at me? Does he miss me or just not miss me at all? He was avoiding the night club for a few weeks, but now he has started to come back in it. I find it so difficult to get over someone who stares at me ;( Is there a small chance maybe he misses me or is this all in my head? I miss him so much. :(

Advice please.We're both 20 years old btw.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • the fact that he stares at you is really beyond teh point of what's going on. you miss him so any look, action or whatever causes you to replay things in your head. you broke up with this guy because he was abusive. I'd say let that go and move on. you love him so it's tough to see him in person, catch him looking at you, or talking to another girl BUT you are too young to feel like this guy is THE guy for you. You still have time to discover stuff and if in a few years those feelings for him are still so strong and you still haven't met someone (and I'm sure you will meet someone) maybe then you re-open that can of worms

    Does he miss you? I'm sure he does, most people miss their ex, or at least the good times and memories they had with them, and seeing that person is seeing the physical embodiment of the emotional connections you had

    but regardless if you miss him the or he misses you the fact his after several chances the relationship still didn't work so it probably means you should move forward for the time being

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What Guys Said 2

  • First, I commend you, you have given me all the information I actually need.

    2nd, you're mindfacking yourself. Let me explain. As usual the final sentences in any of these issues play more heavily to what the person is actually saying that the bulk of it. You miss him! Well, it's been approximately, at worse, a few days since you actually had no contact with the man so that's a given. He is staring at you because A ) if he is controlling he kind of lost his pet, and B ) he would naturally as a human just miss you as much and so forth and so on.

    Now, that's not your real problem; your real problem is the fact that you miss someone who is abusive. Let's explore the possibilities of strengthening your resolve because let's say that this is a mindgame, that he comes out to the club that he knows you will be at and starts staring at you really hard, because you melt for that nonsense, and then goes and plays it up making you jealous. What's the first thing you want to do? Return home. But as what? Not a human. You won't be a person, you will just be the pet again, and if you're okay with that I'll stand down but most people don't want to be pets.

    Does that mean he's "trying to get you back?", no, but what it could mean is that he's playing up the possibility. So what do you do? First, remember that you called him abusive, and if his behavior persisted for say 8 mos. then he probably really is and you two probably will never mesh. There is simply one dom and one sub and you're not into that. Secondly just stop hanging out where you could run into him for a while; yeah you might get a little bored not being at the club or the pub for two weeks but it will give you time to strengthen yourself and actualize what you know versus double-backing on it and returning to that which is poisonous to you. If you still miss him there's a small incling that exists where you consider it in the back of your mind. Can't be there.

    So some home therapies:

    1. Write it down. Writing it down, the list of reasons why you don't want him, is a good way to reaffirm things. You won't "forget" in the heat of the moment. You won't "sway" in the heat of the moment. Homework isn't just for fancy, you know, it really does work in humans, so consider that before you think "Bah".

    2. Give yourself the spa treatment. The man has caused you stress and perhaps one of the key errors is not alleviating this stress before confronting these ideas of return. People who never confront them tend to, at best, relapse with others, but before you do you should attempt to remove as much residual stress first so that you have clarity of mind. You will make better decisions if not in a tight ball of confusion.

    Out of words, out of space. Oh well.

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    • I understand what you mean, but can't abusive people change? If he's smiling at me and staring at me constantly, he might want me back. We have broke up loads of times in the past. I am ignoring him anyway. But if he can change, I'd rather be back with him. Also, I broke up with him and we was together a long time. and if he didn't care about me, wouldn't he have moved on?

    • Or can abusive people never change ?

    • Hold on, you're asking the Death Questions. Let's assess:

      "If he can change" > Has he changed before? Your past is riddled with breakups. Let's learn from our mistakes.

      "I'd rather just ..." > Not learn from the mistakes. I know. It's easy to return home but you will just go through the same motions again and again. Familiarity is not Safety. There's a stark difference.

      "If he didn't care ..." > This isn't about whether he cares or not. No motives are that clear. Familiarity is enough.

  • stares don't mean anything so stop over thinking things

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What Girls Said 2

  • i think you should just move on

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  • i think he's trying to play with you so that you suffer from the break up and get confused. I would keep on ignoring him and look the other way when he's near me and I can't help it.

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    • Suppose, but he hasn't moved on. He isn't seeing anyone and he has barley made friends with anyone on Facebook. I think he maybe misses me to be staring at me constantly and smile. I broke up with him. I am ignoring him ha :) but yeah, I know what you mean he was abusive, would just rather he changed.

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