Who should initiate the calls more? guys or girls?

i have gone on a few dates with her.

last 2 times I met her friends.

every time I have initiated the texts to meet and has said yes.

she has initiated texts a handful of times after I have told her to 'contact me'

she is going on a vacation back home for a few days.

im sure I can call or text and she will reply but I feel she should initiate some of the communication.

who should do it more? should I wait it out?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My experience: When the relationship starts, I do the initiative. Once relationship has momentum, who initiates is irrelevant.

    But if I was doing 90% of the initiative, I'd quickly begin to feel I'm being tolerated, not liked, and I'd consider talking about it.

    I'd talk about it only if I was ready to hear: "I'm not that into you."

    If I wasn't ready to hear that, I wouldn't talk about it, but I would conclude I like her more than she likes me, and the power structure of the relationship would reflect that.

    Now I don't like situations where I like the girl more than she likes me. So I would use the time she was away to look for a woman who liked me. Then I could play harder to get with the first girl; sometimes that can turn a situation-sometimes it just ends it.

    imho, fwiw

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    • im trying to do that...i felt she liked me more than I liked her and the start..now there may be a 'power play' type of thing.

    • I see. Interesting.

      Depends on your situation. If I am pulling tail, I'm more confident, and I would do things like wait her out to establish just who needs who more.

      If I'm needy, lonely, I fold, I give her the victory. With the victory, come obligations, obligations to keep the relationship going. Power structures can change, yielding at one time doesn't mean things won't change.

      Best of luck, many moving pieces, complicated. Come back and let us know what happens.

What Girls Said 6

  • For me personally, in the beginning, I wait for the guy to call. I don't want to come off as needy or desperate and also I don't know if he is busy and Id hate to interrupt him. After a couple of dates, I would feel more comfortable calling him. Does she call you or just text? You could maybe give her a couple of days and if you don't hear from her, give her a call. If she is sharing details of her trip or sounds excited to talk to you then I wouldn't worry about who does the calling or texting until further down the road.

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  • Its very hard for a female to hold out on calling or texting a guy she REALLY likes. If you really like her, you should initate most of the time, she probably doesn't want to be too clingy being that she says yes to continue to date you. Give her some time to feel more comfortable she probably just doesn't want to push you away

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    • i don't want to look clingy myself...im holding off on texting myself..i have done so 3 times in a row.

  • i think whoever likes the person more should call more

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  • I learned to let the guy do the work beforewe are exclusive.

    He told me to text him whenever I want...but I don't want to become clingy.

    Just communicate with her and see how things go with you two.

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  • Both should but if one takes too long do it first

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  • i would talk to her, ask her out again

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What Guys Said 1

  • it should be even

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