What's wrong with me?

i waited till I was married to have sex... my husband has been with other women before.. its like everyone I know has been doing it at a young age. but I never wanted to be used by a male so I waited I'm not ugly I'm very attractive not sounding like I love my self. but I feel like guys won't even appriciate a virgin considering sleeping around is lets say fashion lol.. my husband had a onenight stand with this girl before we dated and he kept in touch with her on fb so I use to see how they use to flirt.. it just upsets me that he could have liked a whore and not appriciated I waited till marriage. he says he does but my heart say he would of dated that hoe if she was in the same country.. he even said she's a cool chick that's why they stayed friends.he had the onenight stand overseas and kept in touch till we dated then delered her.. its been 3 years now but I still can't get over her I look at her Facebook and she is pretty I do t know what is wrong with me. I think it affects me cos he had a onenight stand with her and kept in touch with her and she is really pretty. then you have me who has waited for marriage and feels like I waited for nothing cos in my head I think he would of dated that hoe if she was in the same country. he says he's not dumb to date a hoe and he oviously married me I know but why is my head so f***ed uppp why can't I get over her? this? I don't bring it up cos we married in that but am I just jelous that he was with a reall pretty girl and she is a whore where I don't feel appriciated that I was a virgin..this is a thing I keep inside of me I do t bring it up he would just get pissed off at me for bringing up stupied stuff for but I just want to ask would a guy date a hoe over a virgin?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The problem here is that you believe a woman's worth resides in her vagina. You continually call this other woman a "whore" and a "hoe" without even knowing her. You feel like you should be viewed as superior to her because you remained a virgin. You've tied a value to sex that not everyone shares, and additionally, you tied YOUR own value to your virginity. And then you married someone who presumably does not share your views on these things.

    You hate this woman because you're jealous. But try to think of it rationally: What reason do you have to hate this woman, whom you have never met before? She met a single guy and decided to have sex with him. And your husband decided to have sex with her. She didn't make him do it. You're projecting your hurt/anger on her, but she hasn't done anything to deserve it.

    Should you be mad at your husband? No. He didn't know that he was going to meet, fall and love, and marry you when he decided to have sex with this other woman. Further, it's not a requirement that he share your views on sex. You knew that he had a one night stand, but you chose to marry him anyway. That was your choice.

    Regardless of your husband's sexual history, he loves you and wants to spend his life with you. I suppose your choices are to stop dwelling on it and learn to be happy with what you have with your husband, or change your views on sex/virginity.

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    • it dosnt bother me that he has had sex with other girls its just her deep down I just want him to admit to me that he liked her in that way but he dosnt.

    • Why does it matter?

      Further, whether or not he liked her in that way, I think you'd still find reason to be hurt/upset by it.

What Guys Said 4

  • From your language it's pretty clear that your anger resides in yourself. You should have married a virgin who had the same principles as you do; it's clear there's a psychological mismatch based entirely on the differentiation between what you find sacred and what he found normal if not just plain mundane.

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    • i need to get over this jelously crap I don't know how..

    • It isn't jealousy, at least, jealousy isn't the basis. You valued your virginity and you are with someone who you feel does not. This cuts at you of course because you purposefully saved it for this person, The One, and this wasn't respected. In essence it's the deepest form of disrespect and self-disrespect possible. You made an investment and that investment just didn't turn out; someone took something very special from you that you cannot have back and didn't treasure your gift.

    • You aren't angry at "The Other Woman", but rather your husband, because of repressed anger that needs an outlet you decided it was against this "other woman". To make matters worse this man, your husband, whom you've given your greatest and only treasure, yourself, still talks to the "other woman" which in turn is symbolic of how 'worthless' your gift really was. You never spoke of it to him so it never gets dealt with and eventually you overflow with emotional rage that ends in suffering.

  • Break up with this jack@ss and start a new life. Otherwise you'll live a life full of lies. Everyone deserves better than this.

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  • you ddint really believed what you though tyou believed.

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  • dam girl stop hating the other girl and take care of your man this is the 21st century some values are not that important anymore. I would say read a lot about sex, blowjobs, etc get your mba in it and when your man gets home blow his mind (the one below the waist lol) until he shakes for half an hour afterward. if you do it right he's going to forget about every other "ho" that ever entered his life. he will worship you and return the favors as best as he can I hate to sound sleazy but if you learn to make him come on command or (its hard to do, only one woman made me do that) but if you make him so excited during sex that he begins to shake his legs like he's going to split in half it never fails

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What Girls Said 7

  • You were sold a lie and falsely believed you have higher status as a woman because you saved your first time for your husband.you just got a rude awakening that your virginity did not mean you're any more superior than a so called ho.

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  • I really hope you know that you sound like a total jealous bitch right now.

    If she's not a virgin doesn't mean she's a hoe sweety, and you being a virgin

    Doesnt mean your some kind of godess that men should pick you over a "HOE" non virgin

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  • I agree with blackkid2; you need to tell your husband how you feel also. I do think you are jealous, but only at the idea that your husband would still want to talk to a female he slept with when he already has you. But then again, you have not explained to him how you feel about this situation. That's not reasonable. When you tell him, hopefully he'll stop all contact with her. If he doesn't then you can figure out the rest... But as a female virgin who respects herself enough not to be used by other guys for sex, why wouldn't you respect your own feelings and tell him how you feel? At the end of the day, marriage is based on trust and support. If he gets upset, what is he going to do divorce you? Ya'll need to discuss this, and be aware that marriage is work. So being vulnerable towards your husband, is something that you need to work on.

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    • Oh and by the way, totally proud of you for saving yourself for marriage. That's courageous as fu**! And not a lot of females can do that these days. You're something special, don't forget that.

  • Well you knew he had relations before marrying so I dotn think he is the trouble

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  • you need to rethink your views on sex

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  • Being a virgin didn't up your stock.

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  • why did you wait? Because you thought a guy would like you better? Live your life for you, as soon as you let other people control your actions you loose who you are.. Do what YOU want, not what you think others want you to do..

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