TEXTING... why is it so complicated ?

I recently came out of a two year relationship where I never had a dull moment. We constantly texted during the day/night and the conversation was always interesting. I just started dating a guy I like and when we are together we talk about a million different things but when he's texting me the conversation quickly runs dry. I'm trying my best but it doesn't seem to go anywhere. Should I let it die off? Or what? hah thanks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, you have to understand something about the way men and women communicate and how we bond.

    During conversation, endorphins are released in women that create a high and a sense of emotional attachment. This is why women love to text/call their BF's and friends. It's why teenage girls can send thousands of texts a month but the boys rarely break 1000. Girls like to talk to their Boyfriend through text because of the emotional attachment and bond she feels when doing so. It's like sex for her brain.

    The equivalent for men, is physical closeness and physical touch. Men bond through thinks like holding hands, cuddling, sex, sitting next to each other, sleeping in bed together, etc. This is why a guy can be just sitting and staring at a TV, but as long as you are next to him, he seems content and happy. It's because to him, he's bonding. Just being near you is giving him a high and making him feel closer to you. This is also why guys will sometimes seem like they can't keep their hands off of you. It's like you not being able to put the cell phone down.

    What this means is that guys just don't get the same type of stimulation through conversation, especially when its not in person. Texting and talking on the phone is more of a burden than it is a form of entertainment for us. Because a woman's willingness to text and talk to a guy is generally tied closely to how she feels about him, women assume that for men it must work the same way, but it doesn't. She assumes that if a guy isn't texting her, then he must not be very interested. This also leaves out the fact, that many guys prefer not to keep you updated about everything because then they have nothing to talk about when you are together. You'll already know how his day was. What fun is that?

    Now this doesn't mean guys completely hate texting all the time, or that we don't enjoy conversing with you. Don't get me wrong, having a deep connected conversation with a women is an orgasmic experience in and of itself, but again, over the phone just doesn't always have the same effect. Again, it just seems like more of a chore to have to keep picking up my phone.

    I realize that this ends up being a big game of chicken. Which side is going to be forced into doing things the other genders way. I think we both know which way things are sided at the moment, but, I think you can do yourself a lot of good by learning to curb these feelings of yours. I have literally broken up with women because they complained too much about my lack of texting and would always accuse me of not caring about them because of it. Don't be that girl. Your Boyfriend should, want to talk with you, and a text here and there is OK to expect, but expecting him to having an hour conversation over text ever day, or to text you every 10min, is just not realistic. We're adults with busy lives, we don't have time for that.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Being partially deaf, I text all the time so perhaps I can help. With phone calls, the conversations are more fluid and emotions (laughter, sadness, etc.) can affect how it flows. With texting, it's different. It's not as smooth because you're waiting for a person to respond and it sometimes takes a while to respond and after a few messages back and forth, the conversation can get boring real fast. Not so much the conversation but having to do all the texting and waiting. Plus, you can't rely on emotion to know what to say next and stuff, if that makes any sense.

    Despite texting being my main source of communication, I sometimes wish it was like the old days (not OLD) where people actually called or met up to talk. Nowadays, EVERYONE, no matter how old they are, what sex they are, etc. are on their phones texting. I find it very annoying as it draws a ton of attention away from your surroundings.

    My point is that with texting you could be doing other things and not really have to focus on the conversation you're having. But with phone calls, you're most likely going to be focused on the phone call with the other person instead of texting a ton of people at a time, Facebooking, blogging,etc.

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  • 150 years ago you could communicate long distance by text. Then this wonderful thing called a telephone was invented and you could actually talk with your voice. Then this phone thing got so cheap nobody did that old fashioned text stuff any more. Then we got really advanced and invented a technology to send text...oh wait, we went backwards.

    If we keep advancing in technology at this rate before long we'll be able to take a pen and paper and write a message and send it by pony express. It will be so more efficient we'll have so much time on our hands we won't know what to do with ourselves.

    OK OK I'll answer the question. Some people are just better at communicating in different ways. Like some people talk on the phone for hours and others hate it but they can talk in person for hours. Personally I think texting is horrible.

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  • Texting is not in depth like vocal communication and for many it if not fulfilling. I do admit I text a lot but it is never anything important. If a person tells you they can text much more personally than talk they have very poor social skills and can even have a personality disorder.

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  • Just don't expect to get anything out of texting him. Some people can text all day and others cannot. You're better off just forgetting about texting and sticking to the old fashioned way of communicating.

    I can relate to that in a way that if a girl I was dating tried to start a conversation with me through Facebook, I wouldn't be very receptive to it since I avoid Facebook and only have a page as a formality. The conversations would die very quickly but that's no knock on her. This mode of communication doesn't strike my fancy.

    Just because one way doesn't work doesn't mean it's doomed all around. Hopefully you don't somehow think that. Texting might be your forte and it worked for previous boyfriends, but the past is the past. For this guy, texting isn't the way to go.

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  • Maybe you should call him if you want to talk :P

    If texting really is that big a deal to you then I guess dump him, but you can still have good conversations in person and over the phone... I don't see why you have to text all the time if you're in a relationship as you guys should be seeing each other fairly often anyway

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  • Talking is better than texting. If you like him enough, you need to go do something where you can talk in person. Find something you have in common like sports or school or something

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  • Maybe he has big thumbs and can't text that well. Call him, or meet more often.

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  • Talk in person! I find it a lot more satisfying.

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  • Because you can't read and/ or write properly.

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  • try speaking.. :) texting is boring...

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What Girls Said 2

  • I have a 'friend' who I can talk to no problem but when it comes to FB messaging I've come to accept his short replies and sometimes his not replying. I don't send long messages either It's usually things I think he'll find interesting or stuff I forgot to tell him. I just see it as a way to keep in touch and show that I'm thinking of him and as long as he replies sometimes that's OK too. Just go with the flow

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  • well just try and ge tto know him more soe you have things to tlak about and try to get in deeper into the themes.

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