Why did he date me for so long if I'm not his preference?

I dated this guy on and off for 5 years before ending it for good late last year. I'm confused about the whole relationship now though because he's been tweeting a lot about his love of redheads with freckles lately. The confusion is because I'm mixed and I don't possess either of those qualities. If he's that into redheads with freckles, why would he date me in the first place? I know that just because you like certain features doesn't mean every person you date has to have them, but he seems REALLY into them. Is it normal for people to date so far out of their usual "type"?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • yes. It is very normal :) He liked you for you as a person, not looks.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I have two comments...

    1) You will never feel empowered if you give all your power away. I can see you doing this by asking "why did he do this and that?" These types of questions make it obvious that you prefer to be at the powerless end of a relationship... the end where you hope and dream he likes you enough to stick around.

    I would recommend a different approach. An approach where YOU keep your power and he keeps his.

    This is a magical world where you would ask questions like, "Why did I stick around when the relationship was one again and off again so much?"

    Here's my first point: if you place yourself as a victim of someone else's decisions then you're just making yourself weak and likely to make poor future choices - leaving you to feel unable to control your future.

    That totally sucks.

    Instead you should be realizing that it's YOUR responsibility to CHOOSE who you are with... not someone else's responsibility to choose you.

    Sure, being responsible might seem scary and you might worry that you'll blame yourself for all future bad choices, but that's the point! You ARE to blame. And that's okay! Until you take the blame you'll never feel empowered enough to make BETTER choices in the future.

    2) A man's preference isn't law.

    Sure I prefer huge breasted actresses from my favorite movies. But that doesn't mean I'm dating them.

    Never under estimate the power of proximity when it comes to mate selection.

    He was dating you likely because you were cute, and available.

    Simple.

    I hope this helps?

    Now move on!

    There's nothing as good at helping you forget an ex as meeting someone new worth getting to know.

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

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    • I don't understand what the first comment had to do with anything, but thanks.

    • Ha, that's fair. :D

      My first comment came from my first impression of your question. You seemed focus on external factors (what some other person wants and prefers) instead of internal questions (why didn't I see the red flags, and what can I do differently next time?)

  • There is often a big difference between what people SAY they want and what they actually choose. Your ex SAYS he likes redheads, but he chose to be with you for the past several years. As the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words.

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What Girls Said 2

  • because preference has nothing to do with it

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  • i don't think you werent his preference.

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