What's the best way to determine if a girl has self-entitlement issues?

As a guy, I treat girls right. But when I read things like divorces where the woman makes it her goal to destroy the guy financially I wonder. Then I see lists online on dating sites of girls who won't date guys who don't have their shopping list. It makes me wonder what would happen if I bumped into such a girl and we started talking and I never got to see their "driver's seat" mentality. I even read a Q on here where a girl said a guy not opening her car door was a deal breaker.

What's the best way to spot girls who have self-entitlement issues when meeting in person?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If I give years of my life to someone and destroy my body in child birth, you bet your sweet ass I'll feel entitled to something. Find a sucker to marry and you'll be good though.

    Men do the same thing, if by shopping list you mean a check list of things you like and don't like. A lot of guys do the same thing, most probably up until a certain age and even then people still have preferences. Old fashioned people like old fashioned ideals. Some women see opening doors as the sign of a true gentleman, if you don't show those manners, why should they overlook that? Everyone likes different things. To make it out like this is a woman issue only is very dishonest and delusional.

    But to your answer, try to get to know them first. You can't really control it if someone is good at hiding things from you, but if you get to know friends first and take that time to know them, then you see their flaws and probably have discussions about these things before you think of them as potential gfs. Of course, this will require you to get to know all types of women and not just women who meet your own little shopping list of potential girlfriend material. You can't have it both ways, love. Either your picking and choosing whom you would like to be with and who you don't want, just like these women, and therefore possibly canceling out many women who may meet whatever lack of standards that you are looking for, or you just get to know many women as friends first and decide once you have a true gauge of character.

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    • Most of the time I see guys just being all about looks and I only sometimes see times where the guy is in no position to be picky about looks. Record for this one goes to the 29year old guy who is overweight and unhygienic being afraid that a girl he was on the phone with was fat.

    • +1. We shouldn't have to date every guy who asks us out.

    • Mistake in my last comment. Meat to say 49year old guy.

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What Girls Said 15

  • It's hard to really judge a character on just a trait when a person can my many traits but the good traits makes up for their flaws. The best advice that I can give based on the context I got from this question is that you can only judge someone based on your ever-changing standards by doing many activities with them. The results show better when you add time (usually years) to fully understand someone.

    Your preference of someone being self-entitled may differ with someone else such as "I find when a girl asks about my income and assets, she will not be a self-entitled to me if:

    She was my wife.

    We dated for at least two months.

    She never asks.

    She buys me dinner first.

    She's a woman who stays in the kitchen, she can ask all she wants."

    By putting yourself in actual events like those questions or activities that makes her react to events socially or financially, you can put the pieces together a bit better. Since some women are not materialistic, but are heavily needy in payments of cuddles and expect that is how men should provide them. You may find that after spending time with a girl, you help her become less self-entitled, or she was the one worth dealing with despite her unflattering trait.

    I hope this helped and that you can avoid the crazy self-entitled ones.

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  • I may be reading this wrong but it sounds like you constitute wanting a good guy as self entitled. If he doesn't get the car door, I won't flip because its faster if he just gets in. If he doesn't hold the door for me and it happens often, DEAL BREAKER. I hold the door for almost everybody, girl or guy, he needs to do the same. Its called hospitality. You get it a lot in the deep south :) I really think you are taking the self entitlement thing to another level. What you are talking about are standards. Some have some higher than others (mine are high, but I'm lenient on some things).

    You really have to understand that in the younger generations (mine), women are taught to be strong and not take any crap from guys...taught to have high standards, but a lot of the guys are being babied. I call them mama's boys. Less and less men are standing up to be the men they need to be while more women are doing just that (sorry feminists, I'm all about girl power)...

    In the divorces, the man might have been the supporter/ provider. If so, he promised to do that when he said 'I do' and he needs to do that on some level when the I do's are broken. That's just my opinion. Maybe he wronged her? Woman scorned and all that jazz...

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    • I'm talking about girls who refuse to date a guy just because he may not have a master's degree, own a house, make 60K or higher, and so on. I don't call those standards. I find it to be a huge misplacement of values and highly materialistic. Girls claim that want unconditional love then list such things. So if a guy loses his job the girl will dump him. Who wants that? I do hold the door for women but I don't see that as a gender thing. The car door thing is what I mean with extremes.

    • Show All
    • Both are entirely good issues people have with dating that are very real.

    • Yes, but you flipped the switch on me. So, applying your question dating, I think its pretty obvious. Watch her reactions to certain things and the actions of certain people. Y'all know your limit on the level of self entitlement that you can handle from someone. I think it varies. I also think everybody believes they are "entitled" to something, whether it is having the chance to fight for an opportunity or the opportunity itself. I just think people go about showing it different ways.

  • Pay attention to how often they don't get something they think they deserve (& their reaction to it). I.e. how often do they get upset/offended/act personally affronted when someone treats them in a completely reasonable manner.

    Example: If you fail to open the door for her (when she wanted you to)...

    Non-entitlement: she shrugs it off

    Entitlement: She makes a big deal out of it.

    Example: She slows down to let someone in on the freeway & the person doesn't wave thank you ...

    Non-entitlement: No/very minimal discernible reaction

    Entitlement: "Geez, she could've at least said thank you. I didn't HAVE to let her in."

    Example: You forget to get her a birthday present (when it's customary to do so)...

    Non-entitlement: She's disappointed, but doesn't get up in your face furiously next time you see/talk to her

    Entitlement: She's disappointed & you end up paying for it for weeks in one way or another.

    Example: How she treats waitstaff...

    Non-entitlement: Says thank you & acts politely towards them

    Entitlement: Doesn't even acknowledge them, or worse, acts rudely towards them.

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  • Whenever a woman asks or expects you to do something you don't want to do. Simply walk away. Its not that hard.

    What do you normally do when people ask you for things, or ask you to do things that you have no interest in doing?

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  • You have to be confident enough to know when a relationship is right for you.

    Sure a girl may be pretty, with bomb sex & some of her qualities may not be exactly what you desire in a spouse. Though, no one is perfect you can't and shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who takes more from you than what they give in return. It is suppose to be mutual. She should compliment you as you to her. Whenever you find yourself in a relationship you are not happy, satisfied with leave. For, your spouse may be feeling the same but may just be with you for the perks, you know what the sad part is she will meet someone who compliments her more than you do and leave. Then, it will hurt you badly & you will feel as if you wasted your time and you would be left with a whole lot of healing to do. So re-evaluate now, define what it is you want, seek it and in the process of finding it if it is not equal to 80% of what you want leave it, no matter how good it may feel at the time. You want longevity. All the best

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  • Damn, Yeah there is a fine line between chivalry and pander. I think it's sweet if a guy opens the door for me, but I wouldn't ever expect it. I've always been more independent and don't rely on others for any soft landings. Girls I think, should be treated like a princess, but they should never expect to be treated or act like one. You can usually tell if she feels entitled to things, it wouldn't just show in her romantic relationships. It will cross over into the majority of aspects of her life, like having a high strung attitude or thinking she is above others and so on. Someone who believes they are entitled are usually upfront about it.

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  • Having standards that you don't meet or aren't willing to do makes a girl entitled? Lol

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  • it's hard because people cover up at the beginning

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  • how do you know if you treat a person right,when you think there's a 'woman' formula-- you sound pretty presumptuous.

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  • Just get to know her first before jumping into a relationship. However, it's unfair to say a girl has "entitlement issues" if she wants a guy who, say, showers daily and shares her religious views.

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    • Those are understandable. I just get cautious when she demands possessions(outside of a car for transportation and such).

    • Yeah I never expect a guy to buy me stuff, but he'd better pay for his...

  • Have healthy boundaries for how you want to be treated. If a girl crosses them several times, realize it's a pattern and not just a bad day.

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  • I can see certain situations where a woman might feel somewhat "entitled" to some sort of revenge or another by a guy that screwed her over, but most times I don't think it's justified...that goes for men as well. A lot of people are picky and/or feel they deserve more than they're willing to put out, but that doesn't mean all people are that way.

    It's fine if certain girls have certain preferences if she holds herself up to the same standards (i.e., expecting a guy to open her car door but being OK with him expecting some sort of romantic act in return).

    The only way to really determine if a girl is "self-entitled" is by getting to know her. I would imagine those that are extremely self-entitled make it known fairly quickly, especially in a dating atmosphere. Don't be afraid to be vocal, either. As long as you're respectful, you can ask questions to learn more about her...after all, that's what dates are for.

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  • The issue is men are not where they should be in their lively hood, this force women to seek that information and excuse me but some women don't have no problem asking. so now, do you have a job? what kind of car do you have? where do you live? what are your goals in life? do you plan your day out? do you gat alone with your mother if she's living are parents. we also look at the attire how your pants fit, are your shoe pushed over to the side, oh yea we have many questions just like men!

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    • Some questions are legit but things like what kind of car a person has I find to be more of a warning sign than a determination of his "success." People with expensive cars almost always finance them and have huge payments to make on them yet live at home with their parents because they made the mistake of purchasing a car they cannot afford.

    • the style of car or truck says a lot about a person in most cases. I have to know what kind of car you have, not that I want it or need to ride in it. I want to discover personality. it works

  • If she is female then she defiantly does! At least some degree... Unless your dating mother Teresa...

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  • well if the girl wants to feel like she can get any guy she wants and they have to be with her.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Common sense really.

    Other than that, while I'm yet to fully test this, I would assume you can tell a lot by analyzing her relationship with her parents. If they treat her like a little princess who can do no wrong, and who has never been forced to fend for her self financially, emotionally, physically, etc. then its likely she's going to be self entitled. That said, don't mix this up with simply having a good relationship with her family. What you want to see is a girl who's father treats her well, but is also fair and tough on her. He doesn't go easy on her or hand her things when she doesn't deserve it, but at the same time doesn't abuse her or forget to love her. Most dads, go too far to either extreme with their daughters.

    Also, I tend to look at how much work she putting in to please me. I'm not saying I expect a girl to treat me like some king, fetching me beers, and making me sandwiches (although I guess that would qualify). What I'm saying is that you have to gauge where the equity sits in a relationship. Imagine that on day 1, you guys start at the middle point on a line (point 0). When you do something for her, the point moves towards your end. When she doesn't something nice, the point moves back towards her end. If you start to notice that the relationship is really one sided and all of a sudden, that point on the line is really far into your corner, then she's likely one of those self entitled girls, who feel that she has no requirement to do anything for a man, and than a man's purpose is to please her. The things she can do for you can be anything. Making you a meal, or making you your favorite treat, buying you a gift, taking you to see your favorite band or team, planning a date, complimenting you, initiating sex, etc.

    Another way is to judge her reactions when she doesn't get her way with you. Let's say she asks you if you'll drive across town on your way back from work to pick up something for her. However, maybe you were going the other way to go the gym so you refuse. If she can accept that, then your in the clear. If she blows up and accuses you of being a bad Boyfriend or something like that, then she is self entitled. She again, assumes that it is your duty to do things for her any time she asks and that her needs always come before yours.

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  • I've met plenty of people who have had an ex clean them out in a divorce, men and women both. In many cases, this was inspired more by greed than money-grubbing. I money-grubbing woman might clean you out while you're still married! You can a feel for self-entitled people by how they interact with others. When you do something special for them, they treat this as something to be expected rather than a pleasant surprise. They tend be less grateful in their attitudes (the words may still be there). A general quote I've always liked is "Someone who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person." I think there's a lot to that. Don't measure people by how they respond to those they need to respond well to. Carefully watch how they treat those that serve them. Entitled people expect more, get angry more easily and are much less grateful.

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  • ANY hints that she "expects" ANYthing ;)

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  • Not all girls have that issue. It depends upon each person and you can discover it as long as you spend more time with them.

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  • Ahhh the war of the sexes, can't get anymore better than this. Pre-nup agreements are around for a reason. Ask an attorney

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    • Yea I remember a question someone made on here asking why girls flip out when a guy mentions prenup. It's funny too because I have read many girls' comments on here on how they absolutely refuse to date a guy that makes less money than them.

  • It's practically impossible to find one that doesn't complain about that kind of stuff

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  • They all do these days man. Very rare to find a girl that doesn't.

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  • Ask how she feels about feminism. Her answer will tell you all you need to know.

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    • That's a great idea! She can tap dance around the question all she wants, but we'll know exactly where her sentiments lie ;)

  • All the more reason to make sure Miss Right has Integrity,Loyalty, Honesty, and is a Flexible Giver. Even more reason to date for at least 2 years before marriage. Some people might be able "act" nice, for a year, but they won't be able to keep it up for 2 if its not really who they are.

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  • Just don't kiss their asses constantly. If they have issues with that, they'll let you know.

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