I'm really struggling with dating as a concept. Help?

I'm starting to think I'm too intense of a person for this whole "dating" thing. I can't function inside of the rules, because that's not how I work. Like, I just don't understand why I'm having such a hard time with this. I don't try to talk to guys I don't like and whom don't appear to like me back, but then when vehicles of contact is established, it's radio silence and I don't get it! Sometimes they do contact me back after about a week or so and I just don't get why that's supposed to be the norm, I just feel like I didn't impress them, like I'm just forgotten about.

The idea is that guys enjoy the chase, but I’m tired of not getting a guy trying to get my number that isn’t just laying a rap on me and playing the numbers game. I’m tired of waiting for them to call or text first just for them to never do so. I don't get chased, just get left behind. My friend said sometimes guys don't call for weeks because they don't want to look to eager or they're busy or whatever, but isn't that just ridiculous? If I want to get to know you and you want to get to know me, why wouldn't you want to just do it as soon as possible?

But then when I’m hearing that, conversely, guys do want more assertive girls that take pressure off, I don't understand why they shy away when I take the lead. I’m tired of looking too needy or whatever if I text or call first (which I usually do within a couple of days or so). I tend to be the one to get the number, and get an enthusiastic response then, but nothing but a lackluster reply when I try to follow up.

I really don't know, I just don't date because the whole thing is a lethal injection to my sel-esteem at this point. I would like a relationship, but dating as a practice kills me. Any help in navigating this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • -> Most guys hate the chase, only players enjoy it. However a lot of female dating advice is about how to deal with players, since players are the men women are most interested in (similarly a lot of dating advice by and for men is how to pick up stuck up hot girls who are hit on constantly and are sick of it).

    -> Most guys either are ineffective at dating, or understand that it is a numbers game.

    -> You, like most guys, find dating crushing because YOU haven't accepted that it IS a numbers game. You reach out, you get shot down, you find it a 'lethal injection to your self esteem'. I was thinking about this just yesterday. If I built a machine that had a button on it, and somewhere between one in 20 and one in 100 times gave you $5 when you pushed the button, people would happily sit there all day hammering the button. I take you out to a club and tell you somewhere between one in 20 and one in 100 members of the opposite sex will react really well if you hit on them, most people maybe hit on one or two people then go home crying.

    If you don't want to play games, don't play games. But accept that -most guys are not interested in you-. -Most guys who are interested are only a little interested-. -Most guys as you get to know them well, you will realize you're a bad match-. A lot of 'playing games' is a way of manipulating people you're not a great match with into being interested in a fake version of you. If you don't care about a match and just want attention or to get laid, this makes sense. If you want a great match, you should be your authentic self, which will get rejections much FASTER which lets you keep searching immediately for someone who IS a great match.

    Doing that requires honesty (which you have) and a willingness to accept most people you don't click with and that doesn't reflect on either of you (which you need).

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What Guys Said 1

  • Stop thinking you're too "anything" for anything. You're a person like the rest of us. Most all people go through these situations where potential partners' interest can wax and wane. where one policy works for one person but not another.

    What you have to realize is that you have to insulate your 'self esteem' form dating rejection. Rejection happens to everyone. All the time. If we say marriage is a goal for our dating career, most people get one success out of countless failures.

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