How does my friend fair better in online dating?

She met first boyfriend on fb then the next one on pof. Now she met someone off of another dating site which is paid but she got her money refuned because she only used the trial. Anyways she met John and first date he was like how he wants to be with her longterm, cuddled with her and then kissed her the first date. The next date they went back into the guy's dorm room (she doesn't go to the college or anything) and they made out. He's from out of town and studying here and is going back to new york for a few weeks and she said they'll talk about their relationship when he comes back. Literally its her 4th first date from online and 3 of them were instant boyfriends. And later this week she's seeing Rick another guy she met offline.

Meanwhile I'm waiting for my first kiss at 23 and don't have dating experience except for the four or five guys I met online and all first dates they rejected me painfully.

I think I'm even better looking than this girl...but that's just my opinion. I'm smart I'm doing my master and possibly a phd in the future. I don't get it, why the hell can't I get a like that I feel a connection or spark with.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know you. So these are just possibilities.

    It's possible you're not good looking and you just think you're good looking. Or maybe you don't come across as very intelligent. Or maybe you come across as intelligent, but the guys who you go on these first dates with don't want that (I would say almost all people want to date someone of roughly the same intelligence level).

    Most likely, though, you and your friend do different things in your attempts to do online dating. I've done online dating myself, and I would say, 90% or more of the online profiles I came across told me very little about the girl. I would say half were truly terrible: maybe just a pic, or a couple of lines about how she likes 'shopping' and 'travelling', etc. As a girl, you don't need charm/confidence. What you do need, if you want to find a serious relationship through online dating, is to present a very clear picture of who you are and what you want. You complain that the guys you meet reject you on that first date. Other girls complain that the only messages they receive are asking for sex, basically. I would say the cause is pretty much the same. It sounds like these guys your friend has met are smitten with her. They wouldn't be like that if they hadn't already known before meeting her what to expect. You need to think about what you can offer and how best to show that off in order to get the kind of guy you want. If you just become more aware of how you're presenting yourself online, you will become much more successful, because, as I said, there isn't much good competition (I'm not saying those girls are low-quality necessarily, but most of their profiles certainly are).

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    • I asked one of my girlfriends who never did the online thing if I should have put up more pics and put myself out there more. As I didn't have pics up and only private msged the guys and then showed them pics...this is because I don't want people knowing I'm on there from real life. Anyway my friend said he wouldn't have helped putting up more pics its better that I didn't, she's implying that I'm unattractive right?

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    • So I've deleted my online profile. I've just kind of given up I've tried super hard and then not tired at all. Either way I can't get a guy to like me, I'm trying to lower my standards in terms of how rich/ambitious the guys are and go lower on the height with guys too. I just to be f***ing kissed already sheesh.

    • So, what's your problem exactly? You start talking to guys, but then they stop replying? Or something else? If you're really worried about your looks, you can upload a pic here and let me have a look. I doubt your looks are the problem, though.

What Guys Said 6

  • Stop whining, life's not fair.

    First, spell check EVERYTHING. (She fares better than you.)

    Second, look at your profile pics. Is there anything misleading about them at all? Be honest. They need to be up to date, well lit, and have at least one close up, one upper body, and one full length picture. There's a good chance these rejections happened just because the guys believed they had fallen for false advertising.

    Third, being smart means sh*t-all in a world of idiots. No one is clicking your link because of your academic achievements. It makes you sound busy and boring too.

    Now, rewrite your profiles. Stay honest, but remember, you're just one product on one shelf in a WalMart. You need to figure out how to market and sell yourself. Don't lie about anything, that'll cause more rejection, but do hype up and down play certain aspects to make yourself more marketable.

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  • I don't know, maybe something in the way she presents herself? Her attitude?

    If you want to know what's going wrong, you'd have to provide details from your individual dates. It's not really a "you vs. her" thing or a competition. She's got nothing to do with your dating life and it's successes or failures.

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    • maybe she's more flirty. The guy never flirts with me first. I hugged the last guy when I first met him because apparently creating physical contact is good. But he never did anything flirty with me AT ALL. And these guys she went out with all wrap their arms around her, kiss her on the cheek and she'll smack them gentely on the chest/arm when their being "bad" lol

  • maybe you still don't find the right man?

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  • luck

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  • she's a player. she's good at going from guy to guy, but can't hold a long term relationship

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  • she's a player

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What Girls Said 1

  • There is a big difference between you and your friend. She changes her boyrfiends like her socks. You on other hand, wants to be with a guy for a longterm! And those who rejected you were not worth u, you should be thankfful that those stupid guys didn't do something you would regret. You will surely find the one. Every girl has their own magic to make a guy fall for her, your not experienced, does'nt mean that boys won't come to u, !
    Be yourself, and don't ever think that your friend is better than u, nooo way! Throw that insane thought out of your mind, get back on a dating site, message me if you need help in talking to guys. :)
    Be a tease for a guy!
    Best of luck and remember, am here if you need me :)

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    • I just want to date not even long term. I thought guys would be more drawn to the idea of dating than longterm but all these guys she meets basically just want to marry her and say sh*t like "you should delete your account" like basically on the first date. I don't think its meant for me at all:(:( I would like your help though. add me:)

    • Tell me one thing, she's the one telling you all of that stuff? Or u've heard it from the guys?

    • She's telling me the stuff I haven't met the guys in question. Because she literally just met them not even a week in. (yeah I'm jessica girl too lol there's an issue with my old account).

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