Why would she do such a thing?

I dated this girl months ago and we're in our mid 20s. We are no longer dating but grew incredibly close with each other (hugging, kissing, holding hands, sleeping over). Recently, things have picked up even more and we sex occasionally. We have tried to put a label on what we are but we never make a conclusion. When I called us still friends she got offended and kept focusing on how we had sex and that it means A LOT to her. She says she hasn't been with anyone since her last serious relationship (5 years ago and it was a real bad breakup). Now she asked if we are friends with benefits but I said no and she made it clear that we are not in a relationship either. I've met this girls family and her friends/coworkers all say that we should be together and we look happy together. Yet, we hung out this weekend and she got drunk. We ended up having sex and it was a mental tailspin. We had sex quite a few times that night and at some points she would go on her phone and text. SHE NEVER HAS DONE THIS BEFORE. I let it go the first 2 times, then I scolded her and told her it was a mood killer. My gut told me something horrible was up. So I kept having sex with her and later that night she started to tell me that she loves me. Which she has also never said/done before. If anything, she's told me she really likes me and really cares about me. She has seemed genuine this entire time with everything she has said, the times she has cried/been upset, etc. Anyhow, when she fell asleep, I checked her phone. It turns out she was texting another guy (some guy she claims who likes her but she doesn't like at all. that is why she says she kept her distance from him and doesn't hang out Because of his feelings). She was texting him saying REAL dirty things (i.e. I wish you could bend me over right now). I am devastated. I don't know if there's actual emotions tied to this or just drunk texting. Either way, the fact she did this WHILE we had sex is an insult to me. I played it cool and all. The next morning she realized some of the things she did. She said she was sorry for screwing with my head when she realized she told me "i love u" MANY times and we went to bed angry (no idea, she just got upset and we stopped things and went to sleep). She then got a text message from the guy and said she was embarrassed over a text message she sent last night. She said she wished she never sent it. When I tried to pry more and ask what happened (playing dumb), she got slightly upset with me interrogating her. Anyhow, I dropped her off home and that was it. My question is, should I make mention to her of the text msgs or just bite my tongue since we aren't dating/in a relationship. Drunk or not, I am furious she did that. I need some opinions as I have feelings for this girl. Thank you so much in advance!


1|0
3|2

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ugh. So let me get this straight...in the middle of f***ing her, she was texting on her phone? As in, you're literally going at it and she's holding her phone texting during sex?

    If that's the case, then that's f***ed up. BUT...while that's pretty downright disrespectful, the bottom line is that you aren't in a relationship or dating (you said so yourself) so she technically is doing nothing wrong texting other guys. Unless you've talked about being exclusive, she's free to date and f*** other guys, too.

    1|0
    0|0
    • no, she was texting in between. for example, she told me to go in the shower and she would get in soon. she then proceeded to text this guy. it looks like she was texting him throughout the evening even before she was drunk. that being said, does that mean all the things she has said and done (regarding liking me and caring me, talks about 'us', etc.) was a lie? or it's all true but as you put it, we're not exclusive? it's hard for me to digest what's real...even her saying "i love you"

    • Show All
    • It beyond sucks but I told her what I thought & felt via text. I don't see the point in wasting any more time with her, even in person. There is nothing she can say (in my opinion) or do to make things better. I have 0% trust in her. Thank you for your kind support and giving me feedback. I really appreciated it :)

    • You're very welcome! Glad I could help a little : ) When you find yourself bummed about it, just remember what she did and try to be glad you found out about her true colors sooner than later

What Girls Said 2

  • I need to say that some girls get attracted to the guy they have sex with whether you are just friends or in a friends with benefit relationship. So her feelings for you (after having sex occasionally) has expended even if that is not what you guys are trying to do. I don't think she has texted it drunk at all, some girl just likes to talk and flirt with other guys when the are not sure about your feelings for her. . It looks like you both are playing games with each other, something that is making every situation harder, and I personally don't think you have the right to tell her who she gets to talk to. What do you want? Why are you both playing games with each other, when you like her and she enviously like you. You guys need to talk. :)

    0|0
    0|0
    • the feelings were there before we had sex. you are right, her feelings have developed even more afterward. I'm not trying to tell her who to talk to/what to do either. she knows how I feel, I want a relationship, it's her feelings that she's unsure about. for example, her saying "i love you". she's never said that before and even apologized for screwing with my mind. I'm not defending what she did either. looks like she is the one playing games even when she "doesn't want to get hurt".

  • if you have feelings what are you waiting for? 48 years when you can't able to stand up and tell how you feel? is that your ego telling you are hurt bcoz of what she did. real man shows love, they are not scared to commit. she is free, so you can't blame her and you have no right to be pissed bcoz she texted her friend, your just her friend. your still lucky bcoz she's still there for u.. do the move and don't wait.

    0|0
    0|0
    • way ahead of u, already told her how I felt. we've talked about 'us'. she doesn't want to be pressured into anything. she says she's afraid of getting hurt again and doesn't want to be in that scenario again. that's when she told me she really likes me and cares about me. I'm pissed because she was texting another guy when she was with me. even if she hasn't been with anyone else (like she says, just me), it's still disrespectful and messed up. so now what? pretend I never saw the text?

    • u can't change the reality. she did what she did bcoz your just a friend. if you love her, show it. why would she stays with you in a fact that there is some other guy who likes her too? so vice versa she loves you too as well. tell her that you don't like what she was doing, tell your side and ask her what she really feels towards you.

What Guys Said 2

  • Sorry to hear she played with your emotions like that. You probably had no business looking at her phone but since you did you were able to learn her true character. I don't know what to say. It depends on what you want. Are you wanting to continue things with her? if so, confront her, tell her you saw the text. If you don't want anything to do with her (my choice, I think she's playing you and not that invested) I would just let it go. Ignore her n/c. Make her miss what she can no longer have.

    0|0
    0|0
    • When she was 'drunk' and I asked her who she was texting she told me to check. I just happened to check later on. Besides, she checked my phone one time when I wasn't even aware of it. I wanted something serious with her, now I just want the pain to stop. I'm going to confront her about it and tell her we can't see each other anymore.

  • Well, at least you got to pound her. Hope the sex was good, because she's obviously not a good person. Sounds like friends with benefits though. Next time, slow down...look for red flags, and after 6 months of no red flags then you can begin to trust them. You fell for this girl too soon.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...