Why would he blow me off but date her?

So I've been interested in this guy for a while. I knew him in high school and had sort of a crush on him, and it was obvious he had one on me too. Anyway, nothing ever came of it and he ended up getting married to someone else and having kids. Quite a while goes by and she ends up leaving him, and apparently he still had somewhat of a crush on me because he asked a mutual friend about me and we ended up going out on a date. It seemed to go pretty well, we were both nervous at first but things loosened up as the night went on and we ended up kissing a couple times. We were out late and he didn't seem to ever want to take me home. He kissed me at my door and got my number, then said he'd really like to go out again soon.

Well after that, he texted me to give me his number and say he had a great time. I told him I did too and then I ended up hearing nothing from him for a while. I chalked it up to him maybe not wanting to date so soon after the failed marriage and figured if he changed his mind he'd get in touch.

Fast forward a few months and a mutual friend has a cookout. He attends and brings his new "girlfriend". Now, this man is very mature and well put together. He raises his children as a single dad and holds himself with respect. His new girlfriend pops pills, parties all the time and is very crude and clingy. They broke up once and she posted on his Facebook multiple times that he needed to pick up his phone and they were meant to be and she would drive off of a bridge if he didn't call her. This is all after about a month of dating. She also posts on Facebook about her bj skills and drug habits. I also don't want to sound shallow, but she isn't very pretty to look at either. I only mention that because her personality seems to suck.

Anyway what I want to know is why would he blow me off, a girl he's liked for so long and who is respectable and attractive, for a crude immature girl who is a bad influence on his kids? Did I do something wrong to mess this up? This is a huge blow to the ego considering I've liked this guy for such a long time and thought he liked me too. Especially compared to someone who treats him like that.


Most Helpful Guy

  • There could be a multitude of reasons why he chose her. My guess is, he chose her because she had sex with him soon after they met and blew his socks off with her "skills." As a result, he felt more of a connection with her, which misled him to believe she was the better choice for him.

    In addition, If he was in a state of vulnerability at the time in which he chose her, the factor that she seems to need and depend on him may have been more appealing to him than choosing a independent, attractive woman such as yourself. In this case, he may have felt more needed by her.

    Whatever the reason which resulted in him dating her, it's his loss. That's how you should look at it.


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What Guys Said 4

  • sounds to me he doesn't really want anything serious. he is with a girl who is easy and doesn't feel like he needs to commit to any sort of legitimate relationship with her. You're assuming that she is a bad influence on his kids, how do you know that he has ever introduced her to them?

    I think you are looking to much into this.

    a) he just kind of wants a casual sexual relationship with a person he knows he doesn't need to really invest feelings into. fresh out of marriage he probably doesn't want anything serious. aka he is just having fun


    b) he's a terrible judge of character and is choosing this girl because that is something he is into

    Either way you should try not to let it effect your ego.

  • You kinda did.

    When you went out that night he wanted to nail you. Kissing is great but really what he wanted was your p****. "i'd really like to go out again soon" in guy talk is " I can't believe I was with her all night and she didn't put out". If he is a single dad he went through drama to get there. Meaning he isn't really going to have a big fuse when it comes to getting laid. You are going to nail him or he will move on. You didn't he moved on. The girl he is with may not be attractive and crude, but I GUARANTEE YOU she swallows and sucks a golf ball through a garden hose.

    She is whacko he knows it but is willing to put up with that because she can make him come with her mouth.

    My advice.. read how to become a p*rn star for your mate for dummies and let him do whatever he wants to you. He will most likely drop her and date you but unlikely he will commit as he has kids.

  • You shouldn't be upset about your ego. You avoided a land mine by not being involved with a guy who is that shallow.

  • My best guess?

    His sex life was horrible while married, and this skank is fulfilling every desire he had. That's pretty intoxicating to the sex-starved.


What Girls Said 2

  • Who knows why he blew you off, but whatever the reason it sounds like you dodged a bullet.

  • Wow. The only thing I can think of is that maybe you reminded him of his wife somehow? Or maybe he saw that it could get pretty serious with you and wanted to cool off before it did...thus why he's dating some chick who will never ever be anyone serious. I'm sorry though - hope he come around!