Girl told me I'm a "nice guy"

[Absolut1l]

Little back story here...

First off, I am a pretty "nice guy." In a good sense of the meaning. But in the dating world, it seems that term can mean one of two things. A woman calls a guy a nice guy as a sort of rejection to any romantic hopes. "You're a nice guy but..." OR The nice guy syndrome. Where a man thinks he's such a nice guy, but women don't want nice guys. So it's sort of a defense mechanism "nice guys" use to cope with rejection.

But I have come across something that seems entirely different... I met a girl on an online dating site. We went on a date, a long trip to the beach, then I crashed at her place. slept in her bed but no sex. There was lot of sexual tension, but she said she was going to be a "good girl" and hold off on that for a while. So I came back to her place the next weekend. We had a few drinks and things were tense again. I ended up sleeping with her this time. It wasn't mind-blowing, but I'm pretty sure it was good for us both. The next day she made sure to scorn me for the marks I left on here neck from kissing her. Seemed like a kind of playful way of saying she enjoyed last night.

We live about 40 minutes apart, so we text throughout the day usually. I'm very assertive and also very responsive when people talk to me. I feel like it's rude to ignore texts or ignore someone when they are saying something to you. Also, I genuinely like to listen to what she has to say. So I guess, I seem like a "nice guy" right? I mean, I imagine a lot of guys ignore texts half the day and don't seem overly interested. I guess I may seem a bit over enthusiastic, but this is what happens when I like someone.

Anyways, yesterday.. She randomly asked me "Have you ever been called a nice guy" I said "maybe a few times.. yeah I guess I think of myself as a good person" She says "It might not be a good thing to hear in the "guy world" lol but you are a nice guy" I said "thanks, I try not to be an a**hole lol" Me again "so uhh, is that a good thing" Her "Yes it's a good thing" I say "Good cause I do like you" She says "I like you too :)"

So uhh, what do you all think of that? I've never had a woman come out and literally tell me I'm a nice guy, at least without the "but... I think we should be friends" part, or something like that.

Could this be the start to... a slow, easy let down? Or am I looking waaaaay too into this? Why would she tell me outright I'm a nice guy? Could she just be being assertive and want me to know she likes that I'm the "good guy" type? I imagine most woman desire a "nice guy" but also want the attributes you typically find in not-so-nice guys. You know, nice body, good looking, confident, aggressive etc. I don't mean to toot my own horn here, but I am a confident, well built man. And apparently a nice guy too... So what is she trying to tell me here?

Thanks in advance for any input.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for all the opinions everyone. Also,


I want to emphasize the fact that there was really no "friend zone" situation with this girl. I never hesitated to engage her during our meetings. Everything seemed to go extremely smooth on both ends. Lots of talking, no awkward silence or even slightly uncomfortable moments. And I was aggressive enough to carry the intimacy we had into sex. This is why I'm kinda confused she chose to compliment me by calling me a Nice Guy.

Updates

+1 y

So she has barely texted me at all since this nice guy thing.. When I text her, she responds in short answers and then doesn't really say anything else. Unless I do, then she says something else short. She seemed to want to chat every day prior to this.. I'm completely confused here. Should I be assertive and ask her what's going on, or will she think I'm being clingy and really end it? I kind of feel liek she's waiting for me to ask so she doesn't have to bring it up.. :(

Updates

+1 y

So yet another update.. I asked her if I could take her out this next weekend. She responded she has to work all weekend, even Sunday. I almost went all insecure like I tend to do when I'm dating a beautiful woman and ask her if she even wants to meet at all again... But instead I offered to come chill with here and I'd cook us dinner instead. - she gets off at like 8pm. She said "I like that idea :)" So here's a lesson for guys. Always play it cool! Now to work on my clinginess...

[Anonymous]

You seem like a guy who has things well thought out in his head...but can't act out what he knows he should be doing. Instead, you let your high interest level show through, and control your words, and actions

When a woman asks you questions out of the blue like that you should deflect them with humor, or fire back questions at her. Never get pinned down with questions like that. NEVER answer them with serious heart felt answers either. Imagine how Jim Carey would answer a quesiton like that. He would say something that's insanly funny and ridiculous.

You can be a polite guy who shows respect without being considered the "nice guy".

If you like this girl, all you need to be concerned about is getting more time in with her. This means getting dates...and watching for red flags. The sex is gonig to kill your chances with her. You gave her the store already. You were not a challenge. You both failed here.

The way you deflect text messages from her is...every time she texts you comments, or questions...simply reply with. We can discuss this on our next date. If respond each time with that message...she will stop texting you. Never show that your interest is higher than what she is showing you. You always need to show much lower interest in her, than she shows you. This is very important especially early on, before she's your girlfriend. Guys fall in love faster than women...make sure you don't show that you're getting ahead of her. Make her wonder how you feel about her. Do this by pulling her to you...and then pushing her away gently speaking. Two steps forward...then one step back. Good luck

[Opinion Owner]

@ update. Great. Yet another case of a very interested guy being a servant to a uninterested girl. When will my brothers ever learn? Father forgive this guy. He knows not, what he's doing.

[Absolut1l]

Dude, I've been down the douche bag path. I know what's up, don't worry. I'm going to see her this weekend. I'll be able to read her clear as day. Even if she still seems uninterested after that, I'll at least have gotten laid again. If she goes all friend zone on me all of a sudden I'll just bail and be done with it.

[Opinion Owner]

My point is..your behavior is killing your chances with this girl, and you don't seem to realize it. She's becoming less and less interested everyday.

[Absolut1l]

Sure. But if she's going to stray away from a guy who is actually showing genuine interest, then she doesn't deserve me. If she's interested in a guy who obviously uses "bad boy" tactics, then she can have them. Because most of those guys are actually "bad boys" and aren't interested in much more than sex. Funny too, as this girl listed explicitly on her dating profile "please no douche bags" But alas, she's probably into douche bags.

[Opinion Owner]

The point is...a girl cannot control her interest level in someone. Deep inside her...a guy who's a challenge raises her interest automatically. But, a guy who has sex too soon...wants to cook her freaking dinner by now...turns her off inside. Sure, she may like the jesture. But her interest level in you is dropping fast. She should be inviting you over...so she can cook dinner for you man! I'm just trying to help you out bro.

[Absolut1l]

She already cooked me dinner last time I was over. haha. Yeah, the biggest mistake here is we had sex too early. Even though we talked for weeks, and spent like 6 dates worth of time together.. I don't think most women take time into account. It's all about the number of dates, not the quality I guess. I really should heed your advice though. Been with 3 different beautiful women in 3 months and slept with all of them on the 2nd date... Probably not smart for a guy looking for a relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

Well man..I've got to give you some credit. You clearly know what you've done wrong. Yeah, if you're looking for a long term relationship with a one of a kind girl, I'm not sure the ones who will sleep with you after 2 dates are the ones you want to be dating. IMO. Women's hook is sex. She's hooked you. Guys hook is challenge...this is where you've failed, by giving the store away for free after the 2nd date. You obviously don't have a problem with women...its yourself getting in the way.

[MrOracle]

You are making a common mistake: assuming there are only Bad Guys and Nice Guys. There is a third type: Good Guys.

Read my post here that discusses the difference:

link

[NickeLala280]

Personally I don't think its the beginning to a let down. Sounds to me like she is just acknowledgimg that you are a nice guy. Some guys as you probably know, don't continue to be nice after they have had sex with you because they already got what they wanted and there is no need to be nice anymore, so it may have been refreshing to know that you are not just pretending to be nice to get into her pants. She obviously likes you because she said so and that is good that you have both communicated that.

[Simple-Simonette]

How sad that the term "nice" is now considered derogatory because of a few insecure guys.

I think she was acknowledging the double meaning of the term "nice" but meant it with the original intent. You're considerate, thoughtful, and attentive - hence you are a nice guy.

Maybe secure men should take back the word "nice" to avoid future confusion from women who don't want to consult a thesaurus to compliment a guy.

Cheers.

[GoGoDancer]

Are you a guy? No so how can you say its a derogatory word when you've never experienced being a guy? Like I told some other female user no Guy wants to be called nice no matter how honest or friendly the girl is. Nice=Friendzone.

[Absolut1l]

The guy below is kind of right. If I KNEW she was just trying to compliment me without any ulterior meaning, that would be fine. But virtually all women know that calling a guy a "nice guy" is associated with being rejected romantically. And in this case, she even explicitly stated she knew it wasn't a good thing to hear in the "guy world." Admittedly, she did say it was a "good thing" and she liked me afterward. But I still have to wonder because of the negative meaning that term often carries.

[Ishtar]

I will just take it at face value, sometimes I say that when the guy really is nice and I'm not ready, or there's no spark. But if the guy is not nice I would never say that to him.

So just take it as a compliment

[errorgoodnameunfound]

Dude, you hit something off with her if you able to be in her house TWICE with one of those times screwing each other. I think she seems quite comfortable around you and that's great. Just be cautious as always and really consider economics of things for sure. For example, she let you sleep at her place, but did you pay for everything else? Did you balance the paying? Or did you basically get equivalent of prostitution, but at her place? Hard questions, but VERY important to consider.

[CAlivin]

Listen to the girls - it's a compliment and its a good thing. We want nice guys. Nice guys make us feel special and taken care of. You can have a future with a nice guy. Yeah, we use it when we're letting someone down because we don't want to hurt their feelings, but when we really and truly mean it (and it sounds like she does) it means a lot.

[GoGoDancer]

LOL Women don't want nice guys, the only reason why Women/Girls say that is so they don't look shallow. Jerks and Aholes get the girls, Nice guys are there so the Women/girl can wipe their feet and drown their sorrow to the first poor sap that has the balls to listen.

[Anonymous]

I would say you're reading too much into the situation. To me, it sounds like she's calling you a nice guy because she genuinely believes that... no hidden rejection that I can discern.

[Anonymous]

Hate to tell you this but if your a guy and nice your screwed. Women and girls hate and don't want nice guys no matter how much crap they feed you. They only say that so they won't and don't look shallow and superficial Let me save all you female users the time don't respond to my answer tp argue with me because we both know MR. A-Hole is worth dating more then Mr. Nice Guy. I also think you OP should listen to Alice Coopers No More Mr. Nice guy.

[NickeLala280]

That is not true for all women. I have dated plenty of jerks and I would much rather date a nice guy.

[Opinion Owner]

@NickeLala280 I laugh every time some female users says she'll date a nice guy after she's been with a few jerks. Ask yourself if the jerks you dated were/are such horrible people why did you give them the chance before the nice guy?

[Ishtar]

Woman want a nice guy but not a pushover. Not saying you are one. Just saying a lot of people have the 2 confused

[Opinion Owner]

But doesn't pushover usually equal needy, nice guy=Friendzone?

[abundantlyrich]

i think she meant it well and truly. nice guy can be another way of describing you as being plain boring, predictable and passive.

[Ishtar]

May be she's been with jerks before and really grateful you treat her nicely?

[GoGoDancer]

Answer me this. Why is it that women want a nice guy after dating a jerk? I have yet to hear from any woman say I've dated nice guys before the jerks.

[notsoserious]

I dated a nice guy before the jerks... its easier to find jerks nowadays than it is the nice guys though...they seem to be going extinct

[Ishtar]

I don't think woman purposely want to date a jerk before dating a nice guy. At the beginning its very easy to overlook the flaws of someone because of attraction. And then you ended up dating a jerk for awhile and got accustomed to the way you are treated.

Once you are out of that and you enjoy your single life or meet a nice guy you just enjoys it more.

It's like sweet taste sweeter after a bite from the lemon ;)

[GoGoDancer]

Thanks for answering my question and I hope you understand where I was coming from.

[Ishtar]

Yes I understand. It's a never ending cycle. Bitches screw up nice guys. Nice Gus turns into jerks. Jerks screw up nice girl and nice girls turn into bitches

[Ishtar]

Mmmm may be she is not looking for a commitment kind of relationship. And since you are so nice she might think you deserves a girl who can give you the commitment you deserves?

I've done it before. I told him he is nice and really meant it but I didn't want to admit I'm not looking for relationship.

To ask her or not is something you have to decide. Do you want to spend more time to suss her out? And if you really want to ask what's going on ate you prepared to end it and move on?

[GoGoDancer]

@ Update Nothing I do works that's why I've gave up years ago with women.

[Anna001]

i think she is just being honest, and its her way to compliment u...

[GoGoDancer]

No guy wants to be called nice no matter how honest the girl is.

[Anonymous1023]

KEEP HER AROUND YOU F***ING MORON

[GoGoDancer]

I have to disagree what if she really is trying to let him down gently? I think they should go their separate ways now before he gets to attach to her and finds out the hard way. I can relate I asked out a girl I liked in HS because I figured she liked me etc because she would always hug me, I go ask her out and she turned me down. I even asked her why she turned me down? Her answer was I just got out of a relationship I knew the guy she used to date he was a jerk at times according to her.

[moviedude714]

probably friend-zoned

[Anonymous]

Are you trying to change to become a bad boy/jerk?

[Absolut1l]

No, not at all. Why do you ask? I have been down that road.. It really does seem to work better. But I'm not into being phony. I just want to be myself. Ironically, that means treating women with respect and being a "nice guy." But not the "you're nice guy but lets just be friends.."