Excuses, excuses, excuses, but why??

Soo I met this girl on a dating website, we clicked really well, we talked and talked and talked, I tried inviting her out 4 times, the first 3 should cancelled at the last minute with an excuse the fourth time she came out and was pretty quiet, then on xbox (where we did all of our talking) she kept telling me how cute she thought I was, magically a few days later she was with another guy, and they were now "casually dating" she seemed very hot and cold with me, and would ignore a lot of what I said, we'd only play xbox at that point when they were fighting, this went on for 3 months or so, then got into a relationship (Facebook official, lol), now what I don't understand is that on multiple occasions she said she loved talking to me, and that she knew that we could talk for hours, but I invited her to hang out maybe 20 times, and every time she either ignored it or came up with an excuse, I could understand if I was super ugly or something, but I'm not, lol, so why would she possibly do that? my only guess (although she denied it) is that she felt too nervous around me, she just didn't feel comfortable hanging out with a guy she met online, but maybe that's just wishful thinking


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What Girls Said 1

  • She liked talking to you, but she wasn't into you. There's a difference. Girls tend to be great conversationalists in general, so what you may think is clicking really well, may just be average for her, because she adapted the conversation to fit your interests. Moreover, girls often have more (and longer) conversations than guys, so convos that are more than an hour long are not quite as out of the ordinary as they might be for a guy.

    When she was flirting with you, she was probably starting to talk to that other guy and was trying to compare which of you felt more right. Have you ever heard of that movie "He's Just Not That Into You"? Sadly, that statement is the bottom line of what happened here :(

    But you're asking WHY.

    WHY was she not interested in you over him?

    You've narrowed down one thing: she found you physically attractive, so that wasn't it.

    For girls, looks are like having a good GPA when you apply for a job. It's a prerequisite, and without it you aren't usually considered except in extreme circumstances...but you won't get the job solely on your test scores. You have to be able to do the job itself.

    The "job" is maintaining her interest. This is done through hitting an ideal level of (1) what to say and (2) when to say it. If girls were gold fish and only attracted by shiny objects, than physical appearance alone would work, but unfortunately it isn't.

    Based on what you said about talking for hours, THIS is why you probably weren't able to maintain her interest. She got her emotional connection satisfied remotely, therefore leaving no reason for her to meet up with you in person. In general the best policy for starting a relationship with a girl is to give her (max 20 min) a medium convo so she can get to know you on the first time you meet her. Then, exchange numbers and try to keep all non-face-to-face conversations brief and to the point. Only use them to arrange the next time you're meeting up, and resist the temptation to talk about all the stuff that you would otherwise talk about in person.

    Talking excessively through other mediums than having a physical date is a substitute for a real date, not an extra tool to get a date!

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    • I get what your saying and I'll share the entire story if you want to hear it (but its really long), but I just want to know why should wouldn't even hang out with me, even if she had no sexual attraction?

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