Why do so many people like to blame others for their problems?

So, my inspiration for this question came from this other question on here: link

Basically, I was pretty shocked with how many people (mainly men) agreed with this QA. I mean, I've heard of a lot of victim blaming but blaming the woman because her husband/bf/whatever decides to cheat on her? It makes no sense. What ever happened to personal responsibility?

And this "blaming others" issue isn't just about this particular subject, I've seen it MANY times in many different forms. (Blaming a woman because she gets raped, men blaming women because they can't get a date, women blaming men because they never get approached for dates, etc.)

What I mentioned is just an example. So, why do so many people blame others rather than looking at themselves and taking responsibility for their own actions/problems? I don't understand it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are guys who simply lack self reflection lol. It's a problem on GaG. For starters, the QA doesn't actually have to be a girl. Several cases of guys making female accounts to pull stuff like this. So whenever you see an anonymous person who claims to be one thing, and bashes the thing they claim to be (for example, a woman who outright bashed women, or a minority who outright bashes the minority he/she is) take it with a HUGE grain of salt.

    Now back to the issue. Yes there is a lot of the blame game to go around in dating. On GaG in particular, it's usually (but not limited to) guys attacking girls for actually wanting to have standards. How dare you [women] raise the bar higher than I can reach. You are women after all. Second class citizens below the threshold of a person who is allowed to be choosy. Smarten up, lower that damn bar and accept what I put in front of you. <---- That is usually the subtle mentality, which is expressed through light jabs such as "oh ALL women want a model" "Oh ALL women are shallow" "omg women won't approach me. This is now civil rights issue and a fight for equality!" blah blah blah, whine whine whine. Women aren't any more shallow than men are in their selection process.

    So when I see an uber shallow girl, I don't blame women...only human thinking. I don't even hate on people who are like that. If a woman wants a rich hot guy. That's her right as an individual to chase after, just as if a guy wants a specific kind of girl, that's his right. The reason why its such a big issue for some guys is that they lack the ability or willingness to compete and fight for what they want. So Instead of trying to jump for a bar to high for them, they try to lower the whole bar. It's a race to the bottom across the board, and the winners are usually the ones who blame themselves the least.

    It's funny when a look at that link. Many of the guys didn't even stop to consider what the QA does is extremely wrong. But people were quick to cheer with the QA and ignore her despicableness out of opportunism. A defector from the enemy camp has great uses, and in this case it was to needlessly put women in their place for something they don't deserce 100% blame for. The way some guys lunged into the QA's bosom in that link reminds me of this question

    link

    Overall, this is something that you eventually get use to on here. It's a pity party cabal. A collection of the unfortunate who have found company in misery. A congregation of the hypocritical. A mob of irrationalists. An aggregation of the duped and practitioners of banality

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    • Great answer! Thank you, it was very helpful. I was so speechless looking through the answers on that question, I was just thinking to myself "what the f*** is wrong with you people?" Lol I mean who cheers on a woman who sleeps with married men? It was so disgusting. But your answer makes sense, guess I'll just have to learn to ignore people like that. Especially from many of the users on here.

    • You'll get use to it eventually. GaG attracts despondents

What Guys Said 7

  • People blame others for the things they do wrong because

    most humans care more about themselves then anyone else.

    I'm not saying everyone is selfish, but we're still animals in a sense,

    what we care about most is survival!

    To survive, we don't want to have to be placed in a bad situation

    or get into trouble because it hurts our reputation and out

    self esteem, so we blame other people. It's like sacrificing

    someone else to save yourself (which of course isn't the right thing to do).

    Instinctively, our first way to get out of trouble and "stay alive" is by blaming someone

    else, and fighting our human instinct takes a lot of strength and concentration.

    In truth, though, a person is probably more likely to survive if they just take responsibility

    for their actions, but since there is a risk that comes along with that it is very hard for people to see that it's the right thing to do.

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    • Selfishness is rarely the reason a person blames another person for their wrongs. Usually blame arises from desperation and guilt and thus is a means to avoid punishment but it has nothing to do with a deep selfishness or the "will to survive". Usually blame is often followed by admittance so if what you were saying was true a lot of lies would never come to light and the "Guilt System" inherent to the species is not sensible. As a matter of fact it's counterintuitive to your point.

    • The concept of blame as an element of responsibility doesn't make sense. This is esp. true because we are not just taught but inherently know that A ) admitting we did something yields bad results and B ) lying about it yields worse results. With this criteria blame makes even less sense as does guilt and shame, both burdens experienced by person's with empathy, which by the way empathy starts to not make sense. The entire human experience breaks down under this concept.

  • Your question is a little over simplistic. Not everything is black and white. Though you could probably find plenty of material in the library, plenty if you just google ha ha :)

    But how would one know if someone is blaming someone or it is an actual grievance. The link you posted I mean that's just horrible. One both guys and girls cheat. There is no shortage of women cheating, believe me it ain't hard to sleep with a married woman either (I never ever have out of principle). But the reason given like you said why not man the fk up instead of putting all the blame on women. Same could be said for women cheating too. You don't cheat regardless, work it out or end it. There is absolutely no justification for cheating.

    Now you're right why put blame on others instead of taking personal responsibility. But on one hand it is true they are putting blame on their partner, but how do you know the grievances aren't real. Again I am not condoning cheating or accept. But neglecting whatever their partners needed that resulted in them cheating, do those grievances not exist? Hence is it just putting blame instead of taking responsibility, or their are actual grievances or both? So things aren't always as simple as that.

    Why might someone blame others, fear, anger, grievances, frustration, avoiding blame, lack of responsibility, could be many things. A guy who is tired of getting shot down for whatever reason, might be angry, bitter, frustrated. When we're confused when we're bitter not to mention ego, we might not want to look at ourselves or accept the facts, so natural response is to lash out, blame others for their failures.

    When couples divorce their is a lot of resentment, bitterness, anger, hurt feelings. Usually neither partner has processed their marriage having fallen apart. So many couples fight, put blame on each other. They're both hurt, neither wants to accept responsibility. Now is this simply the case of avoiding the blame, avoiding responsibility, or is it also the possibility it might be due to genuine grievances they should've dealt with. So its not black and white.

    Their are certain things that are black and white. Rape victim is never to be blamed, it is never their fault. The mere suggestion is vile. Doesn't matter what time it was, doesn't matter she was drunk, doesn't matter what area it was, doesn't matter what she was wearing. A low life, not even worth to be called a human being is solely responsible. Victims are NEVER to be blamed. In this case people blaming the victim are plain ignorant.

    So how would we define if someone is blaming others or if it is a genuine grievance?

    Mostly we blame others because it is harder to accept reality, to really look at ourselves, it is easier to blame others than to change, we might genuinely delude ourselves we are not at fault. It is easy way out, we might need justification. So many scenarios so many reasons.

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  • Our many taboos prevent us from discussing problems objectively, so people don't develop a perspective on broad social causes of their problems. They focus on their immediate surroundings only, and therefore tend to blame someone or something in THAT area for any problems.

    Why do we have these taboos? Because our media encourages this sort of myopic view of the world, deliberately censoring any broad social analysis most of the time.

    And well funded political interest groups use the media to silence most people who OBJECT to this blaming of others and want to point to the real causes of people's problems, while shallow demagogues get most of the media space.

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  • Exactly! I agree with you.

    When a woman gets raped, 90-95% (in the US) of the time, it's real. But many people blame the woman for being drunk, for wanting it, for secretly wanting it, etc. This is ridiculous. What has humanity come to, I wonder?

    And if a man blames a woman for not being able to get a date, that's just weak.

    Not blaming others used to be a sign of character. People used to be ladies and gentlemen, treating each other with respect. Nowadays, not many people take responsibility and take the blame on themselves.

    In that case, I think the QA and the guys are all responsible. Those women are not responsible, especially if they don't know about it.

    I think both men and women can do better, and should, do better, but that QA is definitely seeking justification for her answers.

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  • I take it the many Psychology Today articles on this subject didn't satisfy you. Fine, I'll just give a personal view: It is because it is easy. Humans as beasts are not immune to the pathing of all creatures which is indeed the path of least resistance. Emotionally, Mentally, and Physically we will do whatever it takes to do as little as possible to achieve as great a result as we can and when it comes to conflict resolution blaming others is equivalent to instantly solving all the problems by means of offloading all of the burden.

    If you are in a car accident and it genuinely is not your fault what do you have to explain? Nothing. If you are in the same accident but it is your fault you have a lot of people to deal with, insurance including your own personal insurance, the law, family, etc. going on and on about something that you might not even be able to accurately explain. "Why weren't you looking?" > Well you were distracted, or out of it, for a moment, a split second, a harmless fraction of time, and there you have it; how do you explain that?

    There you go.

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  • People can't take responsibility for their own actions. They also cannot admit when they are wrong, as they most likely believe it shows weakness.

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  • It's just the easiest way lol. People like to have a quick fix to their problems so they make it seem like it was never their fault

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What Girls Said 2

  • I guess its easier for people to shift blame then acknowledge their own faults or problems. In my opinion there aren't really legit excuses. People need to grow up, handle things in a mature way, and do their part.

    Like the linked example... yes women need to do their part in keeping their man happy, but at the same time I personally don't find there to be ANY excuse for cheating. I think its really low of a person and such shady/disrespectful behavior. They should be adults and communicate with their partner to either find a solution to make it work, or get off the effin pot.

    When it comes to the internet, I agree with other answers in that often such anonymous opinionated questions/answers might just be made to get a rise out of people. There are so many situations and circumstances that could change the answer for why we blame people, but in general I think its just because its easier.

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  • Taking responsibility can only go so far. No man is an island, sort of thing. Every single thing around you touches your life and affects your psychology. I don't believe one can exist without the other. Unless you live alone isolated from society your entire life, taking responsibility has its limits.

    But the examples you give are like not even what I had in mind lol

    But I'll humor you - self-perception is a tricky thing and people can't always see themselves through the same lens that you may see them. We are very wrapped up in ourselves, our insecurities, we can dig ourselves in a pretty fatalistic, negative pit. Blaming other people can be easier in some situations, or it may seem like the only answer if you literally don't see that you're doing anything extremely wrong.

    And to be honest, sometimes it is everyone around you. What if people just think you're too ugly to date, or to give you consideration unless you possess abnormally amazing qualities up front? The world isn't a peachy nice place where taking responsibility will answer all your questions. If you look a certain way, you're a part of certain groups, you have down syndrome, or some kind of mental or physical disability, etc. - you can't "take responsibility" for a multitude of situations. You can rise above and do more than even the average person does, but its not really fair to tell people that they aren't taking responsibility if they don't do that. Because most people dont. And people around you do set the tone for what will be acceptable, attractive, etc. by the norm standards.

    I don't agree with victim blaming, I think that indicates that you're a sh*t person with a lot of issues.

    There are all kinds of experiences that affect psychology, chips on the shoulder, hang ups, that may affect how some people perceive different situations.

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