I accidentally saw texts on my boyfriend’s iphone from his female friends. Was I wrong?

[cathy1212]

I’ve seeing him for 10month. Mostly we are happy and we spend every weekend together.

However, sometimes I feel uncomfortable with my boyfriend’s relationships with his female friends. Because from where I stand, he is too nice to other girls. In addition, he seems to be hiding certain text messages and Facebook messages around me.Which makes me worry even more. So once in a while, we argue and I hate it. Lately, he made me promised not to get jealous anymore.

Last Saturday, he said that he have to work next Saturday. It was a bummer that we won’t to see ,but I thought it couldn’t be helped. After that, we watched TV and sitting on the sofa together. Then, he put his iphone on the table in front of us, and went to the restroom.

At the same time, his iphone received text messages. I happened to see the part of message and the name of sender. I noticed there was a contact with his female friend and the day they are supposed to meet. Like, “Let’s ,meet up next Saturday! Looking forward to seeing you!”

When he’s back, I tried to stay calm. However, he noticed I looked sad and asked “What’s up?” In the beginning, I said ”Nothing. Never mind.” But he kept asking about that. And then, he said” By any chance, did you see the text from my friend?” So, I told him I accidentally saw the texts and what I saw was shocked.

After saying, he looked at me awkwardly, and gave me a hug kindly. Then, I shed teers because I was sad. When he saw my tears, he pushed me away angrily, and said, ”You are not my girlfriend any more.”I told him I didn‘t even touch your phone and kept saying sorry to calm him down. But he started to ignore me.

In the end, we made up. But I’m still bit annoyed because he didn’t think he did anything wrong , and that I do all wrong. He said ”I’m always nice to you, but you broke the promise, so you are wrong.”

I understand the reason for lying because he didn’t want me to get jealous. But the fact that which he told me a lie made me sad……..Am I really wrong?

[Sib999]

It's important to respect each others' privacy, and I too stand for avoiding looking at your partner's private stuff, but now that everything's said and done accidents happen and there's not much to do about it.

You know... if I saw (which I don't, but let's imagine it for a bit) such a message on my boyfriend's phone , sure I wouldn't love it but I would not make a huge deal of it if his words and actions demonstrated he's trustworthy. It's okay for a guy to have some female friends just like you can have some male ones, but the way he handles it is extremely suspicious and I honestly think you shouldn't have to put up with that.

The way he argued with you and the way he acts seems like he's hiding something. Trust your gut in this one, and let's whatever happens is best in the end.

[cathy1212]

I've been thinking about breaking up with him.But whenever I think about it, I

get upset and am scared of loosing his feeling for me.

I'm not ready to go away.

so,I'll keep distance.

Thanks.

[moosette134]

You need to have a little more trust in him. Just because your relationship is exclusive doesn't mean he has to cut all ties with his female friends. If it really worries you, ask him about it. Honesty is the best policy. It was her asking him to meet up, quite possibly as friends, and how was she supposed to know he was working Saturday when you had just learned that? Also, I'd like to ask you to consider something you said: "He is too nice to other girls." Since when can /anyone/ be too nice to anyone else? As far as I'm concerned, that should be a cue that he's a keeper. It's when you see him trashing other people behind their back or being disrespectful and rude that you should be concerned. Not that he's being nice.

[helpha]

I think he's doing something suspicious. The way he freaked out when you saw that text wasn't normal. A guys reaction should be no, of course I'm not doing anything with anyone else, its okay. He shouldn't try to break up with you. I think your best thing to do is really distance yourself, to be safe. See how he reacts. When he asks you what's going on just tell him that you love him but you're feeling really insecure ever since you saw that text. If he tries to dump you, let him -- it means that you were right and he's seeing her. If he freaks out and tries to make you feel better, then you're fine.

[cathy1212]

Likewise.

The way he freaked out was quite weird.

If he is a caring bf,he wouldn't do that.

May be I should act distance.

I've been thinking about breaking up,however,I cannot say I'm ready to break up.

I need to take a break.

Thanks

[helpha]

Just say strong and tell him "YOuve been acting too weird lately and its leaving me insecure and worried. WHen you're ready to be my guy again, let me know. Until then, I'm out of your life and moving on. I've had enough with lies."

See what he says.

[ryanontario]

yes you have a reason to be upset , it should be OK for a guy to have some female friends but the fact he's keeping it all a secret is a little weird and does make him look suspious .

but it is his phone and his Facebook so you don't have a right to look through what he's sending but fact he feels he needs to find this activity from you doesn't make him look good , so yeah you shouldn't be looking at his stuff but he is acting suspious

[cathy1212]

Yeah, of course I know I don't have a right to see his iPhone.

But, it was not on purpose.

if he is a caring boyfriend he would't get mad at me.

Now I think it was good to know who he really is.

Thanks for giving me your opinion.:)

[DynastyEmpire1990]

be cautious he could be a player. you do have a right to be upset. don't end up like others who have been cheated on like this. if does or is cheating behind your back, make sure have a back up plan incase something happens. he shouldn't be doing whatever he is doing with other female friends unless it's a project or something, don't let him tell you can't be upset.

[cathy1212]

I'm really insecure of his friend since I saw that text.

Last week,he went out with that girl and I didn't ask him how was it.

While arguing,he told me I don't trust you.

But I think that's not the point.

In a relationship, both persons must be willing to please the other,must not make the other sad.

No matter how many explain it, he wouldn't accept my opinion.

Thanks.

[DynastyEmpire1990]

You are indeed correct, both must be willing to accept. I do agree with you, like I said just be cautious of this situtation it could esculate.

[Morgyn91]

You should try not to go through his personal belongings, as hard as that may seem. Show him that you do have some trust for him and this relationship. However, his reaction to the text message that the girl sent him is EXTREMELY suspicious. At this point, I would tell you to follow your gut. If you feel like there's something going on behind your back, there probably is.

[cathy1212]

I choose this answer cause I realized I should trust my feelings.

I will fight for what I want...thanks!

[Libra89]

You shouldn't go through other peoples personal things. People do have friends and family members that are female so its OK. Ur jealousy and possessiveness is what's gonna make him get away from you - people need their friends and their space.

He wouldn't be going out with you if he didn't like u!

[cathy1212]

Thanks,

But the way he freaked out when I saw that message was weird.

Of course I know he needs time to hang out with his friends and I'm

fine with that.

But he is too nice to them.

Like give ride them home,buying some stuff, buy dinner or lunch, uses

So,I have had many doubts over the last ten month.

I just don't want him do things that bother me.

[Libra89]

I know how you feel (my ex was similar and this was one reason why ended things with him)...nw what's your opinion on this:

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