Can't get over my ex?

I apologize in advance for how long this is*

I dated this guy for about 6 months and we broke up like a month ago and I'm having a hard time moving on from him. It was a bad break up and all but even after a month I still find myself crying over him. When I fell in love with him it was the most amazing feeling ever but now that he's gone I feel like I lost a part of myself too. He had a few traits that I didn't like but now I think those wouldn't even bother me since I now know the pain of not having him. It seems like ever time I see a couple together I think "that could've been us" and stuff like that. Should I tell him how I feel? If so, then what do I tell him? I just don't want to seem pathetic and I don't want to try and say something to him just to figure out he's dating someone else when I'm still in pain. What do I do?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hi there,

    Getting over an ex, irrelevant of the circumstances is more often than not a very painful and trying thing to do. The constant over-analysis of things said and done by you and the other person added with the feeling of loss and despair proves to be a very potent concoction which leaves one feeling drained mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically too.

    People in situations such as yours also seem to see things which always remind you of the ex-love be it the same make and model of car, couples together in the street, songs, movies, places, their name and many others which I'm sure you're all too familiar with. The mind starts running away from you with thoughts of what if, its a sign and so on. Then before you know it you're so fed up with all of the confusion, pain and all the rest of it that you, in a desperate move to regain some form of clarity in your situation reach out to people on the web.

    Firstly, you should be keeping one thing in the back of your mind. You are at present, hypersensitive to these things that remind you of your ex. In some extreme circumstances people can look at the most obscure objects and due to the emotional state their in, their mind turns that object into something that reminds them of their ex.

    What you need to realize is that you are hypersensitive to these things and further to this, they are indeed all coincidence.

    I have provided my response in this way as the biggest thing you need to do is to find some grounding and some clarity before you're able to make a decision which is truly right for you.

    At present whether conscious of it or not, you would be seeking a means in order to cease the emotion that is flowing through you. The best way to remedy that is to be back with them and when thinking this way, it is incredibly easy to down-play the issues that caused the relationship to breakdown in the first place. So easy in fact that the vast majority of those of us out there (I have also been guilty of all this) don't even realize were doing it.

    Really ask yourself once youve been able to disassociate yourself as much as you can, is this really what I want? Weigh up the pros and cons. Is it them I really love and and can I see some genuine viability in us for a future? Or was it one of those relationships which teach me a little bit more about myself and what I want in a partner? If you come to the answer of yes I need to see if we can recover things well you go about that in a way that feels natural to you. Don't over think it. The best thing to do is be honest and true to yourself and to the other person. The best way to do that is BE yourself :)

    If it so happens that he has moved on well unfortunately that is something that you will not know until you come across it.

    If you choose that it best you leave things where they are and take the lessons from this relationship, leaving the rest behind well that can be a good thing too.

    Either way I wish you all the best in your future :)

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What Girls Said 1

  • I believe I can perfectly relate to your situation. My ex and I broke up a month ago and it was very fast that I did not expect it but anyhow, right now I am moving on. First after the break up, it wasn't that bad but I admit that it troubled me a lot. Second week after, I was feeling much hurt and the more after week passes but now I am proud to say that I have accepted the situation and on my way to move on. What did I do? Let me share a few tips, which I had really done in every break-up I went through. These tips seems like a cliche but are really helpful - in my case, it works

    1. Accept the situation - Knowing the reason for the breakup will be very helpful in this stage but if you don't know the real reason, you don't have to investigate further, you just have to accept that one of you love the other less and that you aren't meant to be with forever - no other reasons but the two. Without having to wait for you to accomplish this stage, you have to immediately do the second stage.

    2. Delete all means of communication with him / her - When I say all, it should be all including all forms of avenues or even asking from someone how he or she is doing. This means you should not dwell on knowing about him and how he / she is after the break-up - no communication at all.

    3. Delete pictures of you together day by day - I don't suggest deleting it all, you just have to do it everyday until you can finally let go of all of your pictures, this is a good way to gradually let him go from your system.

    4. Keep away from any remnants of him or any memories you have with him - any thing or anyone or any place which would remind you of him / her - keep off from it.

    5. Get a new hobby or engage in any hobby which would deviate your mind in thinking of him - this is self explanatory

    6. Do not blame yourself about what happened to your relationship and if possible - not to blame him too - just accept that you are not for each other and someone better will come in the right time

    7. Go out on dates but do not rush into a new relationship - just hang out with friends or dates to refresh your social life

    8. When you need to pour emotions, pour it out either crying on your own or to friends - but not everyday. I suggest do it in your first week after the break up and it should stop there.

    9. After pouring out your emotions, do not engage in conversations about him - as much as possible, avoid communications about him so you would not be reminded about the breakup

    10.. The last is prayer - no one can help us but God - just pray for understanding, acceptance and trust.

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