Can you really compromise in dating?

I am dating a guy who is an athlete. No doubt he reeeally likes me. He explained to me that sometimes he go MIA when he is focused. He deleted his Facebook and he doesn't follow me on instagram (but I follow him) but when I initiate a text he responds. I even posted a comment on his instagram pic and he responded so I know he is not trying to avoid me. We had a deep conversation about his training and why he get distant so I understand. What I am wondering is why would guys delete their Facebook or not follow a girl they like on instagram? Is it a distraction? I am thinking he doesn't want to think about what I am doing and afraid of possibly losing me because we Haven't made it official yet. Also, is it possible to compromise the time you want to spend with a partner if you are really focused on a goal or work? Maybe dinner once a month or something?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, for athletes, it's a whole different dating process! Trust me! It take A LOT to be an athlete; not only do you have to do extensive training to stay a good player, but you need to work out to gain that strength, and if you're competing in serious games, it is absolutely crucial that you have your mind right! Where do you think the term 'keep your head in the game came from'? :)

    I don't blame him for going MIA; not only are FB and instagram time consuming, but they can have a major impact on your emotions and self-esteem depending on what's being posted. I wouldn't look too much into it and you really shouldn't place so much value on FB/instagram activity. Good morning/Goodnight texts mean more than liking pics or statuses on FB *shows you were the last person on his mind before he went to sleep :) * Calling you or giving you pep talk texts for a big day means more than stalking your FB to see what’s going on in your life. Next, you should first talk with him about what potential future you guys have together then decide how you want to pursue this dating process…Do you just want one date per month? Do you want night time and morning Skypes? Do you want to be all cutesy and go watch him practice or go to his games to cheer him on? What type of connection is this? How strong is it? What is it’s potential? Then go from there

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    • I like your answer. We talked but by text. I asked him to call a few times but for some reason he find it hard to call it seems. He told me exactly what you said. He said that he is not on the dating ish a the moment. I explained to him that I am only trying to get to know him and willing to compromise. He apologize to me because he thought he made me feel like I did something wrong.

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    • well just know that there are VALID EXPLANATIONS sometimes that you have to take into consideration :)

What Guys Said 2

  • You should be absolutely grateful and thrilled that he is upfront about his "tunnel vision" about his athletic focus.

    He let you know why his behavior is what it is to PREVENT confusion and emotional turmoil...

    ...

    ...

    ...yet you are still under confusion and emotional turmoil! :-D

    -----

    Social media is distracting mentally, emotional and to time management, so he abstains from it. Smart know you're dating, QA.

    Almost all men go through "tunnel vision" when focused heavily on a task. No need for concern, especially since he warned you about it. He must genuinely care and have high maturity. He's a keeper, so don't go all super -insecure-and-clingy on him and drive him away!

    Because this dude seems like the type to cleanse all distractions, so please don't become a distraction! :-P

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    • lol thanks. I just wanted him to know how I was feeling. I think that is important as well. I also let him know that I understand what athletes go through and I was just trying to compromise. Any suggestions on what I can do to let him know that I am still thinking of him? I kind of chilled on texting him since the last time we talked (past Wednesday about it). I never came off as being clingy I'm sure. I just don't want to lose him but still support him. Its hard when he don't initiate.

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    • Gotcha. He usually responds back anyway. It may not be a long text. Man oh man now I am thinking what can I text him after its been a few days. I used to send him pics but I want to send a message this time. How come our brain never works when we are sweet on someone? lol

    • I am kind of glad I haven't text for a few days to give him some time to feel it out on how it feels without my usual text. I never text him every day. I would usually send him text every once in awhile. Like a pic or happy Sunday but he haven't got not one text since.

  • You're over thinking things.

    I wouldn't necessarily follow a girl I liked on Instagram, even if I liked her.

    I myself am considering deleting my Facebook, because it's a distraction and I don't like its privacy policy.

    If he's repsonding to your texts despite being busy that's a good sign. The fact that he explained to you the fact that he is busy (rather than giving you no explanation) is a good sign too.

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    • Yea. I know. Sometimes hearing it from another person helps. We had a talk and he apologized for that fact that he made me feel like I did something wrong. I told him it wasn't that. We made love over a month ago and he started to get distant. There is nothing wrong with communicating but ignoring my text when I asked him to call was weird. I decided not to text him and let him initiate. I am not a clingy or needy person but this will be hard considering where we were.

What Girls Said 2

  • that has nothing to do with being atheist. for me the things he's doing calls RED FLAG. deleting his Facebook?! why would he do that, unless he's hiding something...if you guys donot want to be public he can discuss that with you, but his actions are fishy. I'm an atheist, and I'm telling you that has nothing to do with it.

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    • I just deleted my Facebook. It feels great. It was distracting me from work. *nothing to hide.

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    • Oh by the way anonymousfille...he is not hiding anything. He tagged me on one of his status so that all his friends can see how much fun he had with me one night. He is an athlete and athletes just don't want to be bothered when they are focused. I just learned this. I used to do sports. His teammates are at the top and he is at the bottom. So how would you feel if that was you? Your mind would be only on achieving your goal and nothing else. I'm not worried anymore. I want him to be happy.

    • And he deleted his Facebook because their are things on their that can distract or even change your mood. His friends (teammates) are on his Facebook as well. Most of them are doing well. They made it to Nationals this year and he want to go next year. I had to think about everything. This guy is not going anywhere. I will be waiting for him but in the mean time I just finished school. I am enjoying life and ready to get certified to be a legal assistant in January. I want us to feel content.:)

  • You're over-thinking it. Just be you and go for what you want until he stops responding to you or tells you to leave him alone.

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    • I went about it in a professional way. I guarantee he is thinking about everything I text when we text yesterday. He apologized for making me feel like I didn't something wrong. I told him it was that. I told him I felt like a stranger. I know he has to stay focused but we can still communicate of meet up for dinner from time to time. I told him I don't believe in excuses in life. I was sending him pics and initiating text from time to time. I am not anymore.

    • Good. Honesty is good, respect for his requested space is good. Keep taking care of yourself, follow your heart and listen to your soul. With him or without him, your life is beautiful. :) (and if all goes well with him in the long run, then what a bonus!)

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