When to have the "Talk" about Exclusivity(sp?)

Ok so texted with a man that I met online for about 6 months, he kept asking to see me(for whatever reason I never could) we finally meet and boom instant attraction/chemistry/butterflies... we go out about 5 times, and then we have sex.. excellent sex, mind blowing sex! best I've ever had. we continue to go out. so we texted daily up until about 4 weeks ago, and now the texts are slowly fading. we see each other on average about 2-3 week. we do not have sex every time we go out and hang out. he comes over and we watch TV and stuff. we get along really well. we still text but it seems like now we are having days where he doesn't text like once a week or so. We Haven't had a talk about being exclusive..the closest has been when we said that if we decide to have sex with someone else, we will let the other know. I only want him, and no one else. I'm ready for a committed relationship across the board. but I'm terribly shy and don't know how to bring that talk up. and it doesn't help that I see that he still logs onto his online profile. it crushes me every time I see that he has been online within the past day. I have deleted my account, and just occassionaly like to go back to his and re read it. or look at his pics. so now I'm super confused. should I even have the talk with him, or is he losing interest and moving on? we both say we like each other alot. I could actually say that I love him. its been in total 11 months since we iniated communication. I'm 38 and he is 42. I've only had one long relationship for 16 years... and never really dated. I told him I was not comfortable with being a friends with benefits type. so he knows that he means more to me than that. what should I do. should I let nature take its course? or should I ask him? I've always been very insecure about his feelings for me, because of numerous issues. now I just need some real answers I suppose. I guess I have to bite the bullit and be prepared for him not wanting a relationship. his profile does state...dating nothing serious.


Most Helpful Guy

  • honestly if you want to be exclusive particularly after 5months and after sex you just need to bring it up. the time is now or whenever you want to talk about it.

    the problem here is he wanted dating andnothing serious and you didn't want a friends with benefits type of situation. so I'm sorry I know it stinks but he did state pretty clearly and explicitly what he was interested in.

    i think if you want to see if he would date you exclusively you should just ask. just be prepared for a let down

    good luck!


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What Guys Said 2

  • To me it sounds like you need to do something or it will run it's course in the direction of drifting apart. This is more than just having a talk about exclusivity. You also need to work out what you both want. It seems you want more than just some activities, some sex and a little contact. If he is not ready to give more, than the relationship won't work out. But if you don't push for more, he probably won't give more and the relationship won't work out either in the end. Try to figure out what you want first.

  • He perhaps just wanted a fling, or he didn't want a relationship.


What Girls Said 1

  • Honestly, the best time have the exclusivity talk was before you slept with him. Now that you are sleeping with him without a commitment, you essentially are friends with benefits.

    I think that the best thing to do would be to bluntly and honestly tell him what you want and how you feel no matter what. I know that for shy or insecure people like you (and me) that can be very difficult and unnerving but the alternative is worse (and can be much, much worse).