FWB probs. How can you tell if they're falling for you? PS I wrote a novel.

In my recent efforts to become more social at college, I ended up meeting a guy at a party a few weeks ago. We talked about velociraptors and space suits and any other which topic that normal people would find interesting and somehow ended up making out. Naturally, before I left the party, and exchanging of numbers took place.

He called me a couple of days later and asked to hang out at a midnight event on campus, and of course, I obliged. We ended up hanging out there until wayyy late at night, until eventually it was 3 am and the both of us were too tired for more conversation. Rather than walking back to my dorm and waking my roommate up, I decided to crash at his place. I made it clear that I wouldn't be "putting out" that night, since I'm not that type of girl, and also because I could tell that he was the type of guy who had girls over alllll the time. So he simply smiled and said, "fine with me", and we ended up just cuddling and kissing for the next 10 hours.

Naturally, our 'hanging out and sleep overs' routine continued and progressed. As in, this same event (+ more physical activity) was repeated several times over the following weeks. A couple of days ago, he told me that I could call him up whenever I wanted to chill (since he always has to contact me), and I just told him that I would have asked him, but I didn't want to come off as a Stage 5 clinger or scare him off by seeming too attached. He laughed and told me that it was okay and said "yeah, don't get attached early on".

Important information: he's made it pretty flat out clear that he thinks I'm a dork and I'm not his type at all. Not looks-wise or actions-wise or anything. He has never taken me on a date or even attempted to. And this is not the kind of guy who would be too shy to ask. In fact, he says goodbye by saying "see you around" or "I'll probably call you or something in a few days". But here's the thing: this guy kisses my forehead and my cheek and my shoulders and everything while I sleep. He brushes my hair away from my face and just looks me in the eyes and smiles. The other night when I woke up, he was just stroking my face and my back and my neck with his fingertips and holding me close. Physically, he acts the closest to someone who has fallen for someone else that I have ever seen.

I have never had a guy act like this and I have NO idea what to think. Also, I really really really don't want to have the whole "what are we doing right now?" conversation with him because if he thinks that I want a relationship or something or that I'm reading into this, bye bye free cuddles and back rubs.

So yeah, if you read all of this, do you think there could actually be something there or are some guys just sweet like that?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • A couple of questions for you:

    In the 10 hours of cuddling and kissing that first time, how undressed did you both get? And how far did things progress?

    When you say things progressed physically over the following weeks, how far did they progress and how quickly? How often were you doing whatever it was you were doing?

    *LMFAO@"Stage 5 clinger!" Well played!*

    Lastly, what's his story with other girls? Do you tend to see him and stay with him most weekends? Or is he out with other girls?

    Could be something real here or it could be FWB--we'll need some more info to know for sure.

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    • 1. He sleeps with a shirt off, but I kept all of my clothes on (shorts and a tee).

      2. Moderate progress, but I still haven't let him go all the way. I'd say we hang out 2-3 times/week.

      3. I know that (at least at one point) he's the one night stand kind of guy. He's smooth and girls are allll over him.

      4. I have NO idea if he goes out with other girls. I assume no. Usually we'll hang out on either Friday or a Saturday night if he isn't partying.

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    • Got it. That is a key fact. And this is where I'm trying to get a sense for the path of progression. Perhaps it's best to do this over message rather than here.

    • Sweet. Thanks for all the help

What Guys Said 4

  • "bye bye free cuddles and back rubs"? You know you don't have to compromise your soul just to socialize, right?

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    • Free back rubs and cuddles and a general feeling of closeness does not come with normal socialization

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    • 1 - the first sentence of your question says otherwise.

      2 - what's the regard for? Besides your own benefit.

      3 - so? Just because he does something means it's OK if you do the same? -_-

    • 1. You were implying that just because I made efforts at being social I turned into some kind of high-end popular-type social queen. That's incredibly false. I just met someone.

      2. The regard is not for my own benefit. It's to make sure that if I went ahead and let myself like him, that I wouldn't get hurt. If he doesn't like me, I don't want to let him in on a deeper level.

      3. Yes. Friends with benefits use each other for benefits. If he uses me I should be able to use him for the same reason

  • Why do girls fall for the players? This guy is a major major player. And verbally rude to top it off. Hey girls, I can figure out the Saw movies before I will ever understand you.

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  • I'm confused, did you have sex or not because you said you were not that kind of girl. Congrats on trying to be more social and stuff. It seems like he is repeating you and I don't know if he likes your personality since he thinks you're a dork, but he might only like your looks because you are pretty. I'd be careful because he seems like a mega player.

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  • He does sound like a major player

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What Girls Said 7

  • Yeah sorry I agree with the others, he's only interested in a FWB relationship...at least for right now. My FWB of 10 months finally asked me to be his girlfriend. But we had always had proper greetings and goodbyes, none of this "ill call you or something in a few days" stuff. Remember don't be fooled with the forehead kisses and the cuddling. In a FWB relationship, benefits aren't always just sex. You also have the benefit of cuddling, having someone to chill with when you're lonely, fall asleep next to... but only when you want to unlike in a committed relationship. If you're enjoying the "free cuddles and back rubs" then by all means stay with it and have fun. If it turns out to be more than great! But I wouldn't have any expectations just to save yourself from hurt if it doesn't. Best of luck hun!

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    • Congrats on him asking you! That's a really rare occurrence for an friends with benefits to do that, so that's just real awesome. Thanks for the advice, I'll guard my heart.

  • I don't think he's falling for you. Otherwise he would have made it clear that he was, I think. As for the forehead kisses and cuddling, I agree with xwolf24x. There are a lot of guys who do enjoy cuddling and being "romantic", so I can understand why he would do other things with you than just have sex. And he even told you himself that you're not his type. That might be a good indicator that he's not into you like that. He just wants the closeness, not the commitment.

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    • Sweet. I think you explained that really well. It definitely makes the most sense.

  • Did this guy tell you he doesn't find you attractive? He probably sees you as a challenge. Most girls just put out and he gets what he wants fast. With you it's different. And if he doesn't want to date, blow him off. You're really pretty and just from the stuff you wrote you actually have a personality. There are so many generic girls out there now so when a guy comes across someone like you, it's intimidating. He's probably doing all these cute gestures because he's trying to show like he's not going to ditch you if you decide to sleep with him. Honestly, I would ask him out. Get away from campus and everyone. If he says no and he has no interest then just get distance and find someone who's going to respect you and treat you right.

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    • Thanks so much, that really means a lot to hear, especially when you've got boys messing with your head and making you feel like you aren't the greatest prize relationship material ever. I'm going to tutor him later this week and maybe I'll suggest that we go somewhere cool afterward. I'm still staying very guarded but I think you're right that asking him "out" could be kind of worth it. Although, I'm kind of just hoping that maybe one day he'll ask me.

    • You're welcome! You should never feel that way. The guy you're with should see you as the best. If not, they are not worth it! Believe me. I've been there. Stay guarded until he can make a commitment. I understand that. It sucks to have to do all of the work sometimes.

  • Sounds like he could be ready to actually date... but, he may not realize what's going on with himself. Or he could just like the FWB thing.

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  • i think he likes you ! the same thing happened to me. OK not exactly the first part but paragrah 4 yes ! when we first started dating and were in bed at my place and I fell asleep in his arms I woke up to him lying facing me, his face inches from mine, his fingertips touching my cheek with the gentlest touch I have ever felt. when I opened my eyes I saw him staring into my eyes, smiling. he kissed me twice. at that moment I felt that he might be in love with me.

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    • Yeah, boys these days...this guy does that kind of thing and it's the worst mixed signal in the history of mixed signals.

  • He's a playrr

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  • If that's you in the photo, he's into you.

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    • Well, thanks for the compliment :) However, his type of girl is JWoww/really long brunette hair/amazingly tan/big boobs and I don't really fall into that category.

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