just go to for advice/friendship?
i feel like that's all I'm good for, I can give and give, but I can't even follow my own advice
i mean if you came up to me, would you ask me for advice, or would you ask about me and want to "get to know me better"
Most Helpful Guy
If girls come to you for advice and friendship, it's because you *allow* them to come to you for advice or friendship when you truly want more. Next time it happens, just tell her "I'm not interested in anything other than a date with you." Then end the conversation. Watch the look on her face ... it'll explain more than I can ever say.
Being nice about advice and friendship, when you actually want to date a girl, is only superficially nice ... it's actually kinda manipulative. And that method leaves you feeling confused and resentful.
Are you afraid of rejection? Lots of "nice guys" are terrified of rejection (I've been there, so I don't mean to be cruel about it). And because these guys are afraid of rejection, they use niceness not for its own sake, but because they think people owe them something in exchange. This is why niceness can be manipulative. Your thinking (perhaps kinda subconsciously) is that "If I do A, B and C that are 'nice,' people will give me X, Y and Z in exchange." But the problem happens when the other person doesn't view this "deal" in the same way you do. You end up giving and giving ... but you don't get what you want, because the other person doesn't see the "niceness" in the same way you do. So you feel exploited, when the other person didn't necessarily mean to hurt you.
Read Dr. Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy." It's a great book about how to change your behavior, and how to be genuinely nice, not manipulatively nice. You can learn to be a nice person --- who also is assertive and who goes for what he wants without being a dick about it. Glover has a good website and discussion board, too.