How do I tell my girlfriend I don't want to text every day?

I like my current girlfriend. But we've texted every day since like July. I wish her good nights via text and when I'm with other people it's taken away from things. I also like my own space. How do I tell her that I think we should cut back texting, despite the fact I do like her? I don't like sitting around on my days off wondering if some text is coming or when I'm with my best friend on a given night gaming or watching a flick if she's about to text her going to bed.

I don't want to hurt her because she likes intimacy but I need my own space too. I'm a private person and I like lots of time to myself. If I'm anxious about the texting it's too hard.

Updates:
I'm reminded now of an older couple my family knew when I was a kid. My dad joked 'What's the secret to such a long marriage?' and their reply was 'Separate TV rooms' (which they had so they could watch what they each preferred)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think the best way is to just simply tell her this. Do it nicely, don't scold her like she's crazy. Just let her know that you like her, but texting just isn't your thing, and its taking away from your solo time.

    In my experience, girls will either take this in stride or they'll hate you for it. It's just a touchy issue for women since female intimacy is strongly predicated on communication. It by like a girl telling you that you hold hands, cuddle, or have sex too much. That said, the girls worth keeping will understand. I also know this from experience. The girls who always through a fit about this and said something like "you must not love me" turned to be high maintenance psychopaths. The ones who totally understood ended up being the down to earth, mature, and good GF's.

    The reality is her habit isn't a good one, especially if its very frequent. A 10min convo every day isn't a huge deal, but if she's texting you 24hrs a day, then that's really bad. As much as I don't endorse judging relationships based on texting habits, there is a certain amount of this that's probably OK and maybe even advisable to do. Her ability to go a few hours or a day without talking to you will probably tell you a lot about he personality.

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    • Just as an example. My best Girlfriend I ever had, used to do the same thing. Normal girl texting/phone calls. Sometimes it would get to be too much and she would catch me when I was busy. I just told her I'm not big on texting and that unless its important, to just save it until we see each other or for a time when I'm not busy. She was a mature girl and had no problem with this. I think she also was smart enough to see through my other actions that I loved her, even though I didn't talk much via txt.

    • We touched on all this a while ago but tonight we finally had the real conversation. I admitted that I keep my phone out with her, (but usually cause she keeps using her own). She admitted she does, so I said 'I'll try harder to keep mine away when I'm with you, and to talk/text before the nights that I won't always be able to cal you at bedtime, because I don't want to feel as if you are an obligation I have to get through in order to get back to private or friend time.

What Girls Said 12

  • I understand. Be nice about it and just say that you love to talk to her but since you're an introvert you like to have time to yourself to decompress, so maybe only text me every few days? Then follow up with a compliment and say "We'll have more to talk about that way and it'll be even more exciting than it already is! :D"

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  • Just be honest with her and tell her that you appreciate how much she likes to be intimate with you and that she loves talking to you because obviously you love her company too but you need to spend some time on your own too, a lot of the time simple honesty is just what you need, in a relationship you have to be honest with each other or you can't trust each other.

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  • Yeah I like phone calls better and you can space out the days you call. They're more personal. I totally understand where you're coming from about wanting space, I get like that too and it seems the people I'm attracted to are also like that. When we're together it's very intimate and exciting, but I need to recharge and have me-time.

    So yeah you can confront her and I'm sure from knowing her well you'll figure out the best way to tell her (she's gonna feel a little hurt regardless). It's normal for her to feel a little hurt, but if she's an understanding person she'll be fine.

    I've seen happy couples that give each other plenty of space but they cherish the times they spend together. There are some couples that do everything together and they're happy.

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  • Like many others said, I think it is a good idea to let her know how you feel just how you told us. You want to keep the lines of communication open or else you may end up resenting her or avoiding her unintentionally.

    However, I do think that you should be okay talking to her at least once day. Does it really hurt you to tell her good night every night? Honestly, I don;t see how that takes away from your time, it is 2 minutes out of whatever you are doing to talk to someone that you supposedly love. A possible solution is that you should let her know when you are headed out or have company over, etc. That way if you don't respond immediately she knows why and you can respond later before you get into bed.

    I'm an introvert myself, but I absolutely loved when my guy texted or called me in the mornings/nights. For some reason, I never tired of knowing that someone was thinking of me. You two have different wants and expectations of your relationship and this is a good time to deepen your bond by being open with each other.

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    • true, but god knows she's probably texting him more than just 2min before bed at night. That's why it can become a problem. It might not seem like much to you but guys don't opperate this way. Texting is pretty annoying to most guys. It just doesn't do anything for us. We want to see you, feel you, smell you, be physically near you, not talk to you through letters on a screen.

  • I kind of have the same problem with my boyfriend. It's nice to get texts, but when you're texting convo's it can get annoying, especially when you tell them that you are out. I would never say tell her that you want cut down on texting because she will take it as a lack of interest. If she texts you and you're busy, just wait a few minutes longer then usual to respond and tell her that you're busy with a friend or driving and that you'll call/text her later. Just make sure to follow up on your word so she doesn't get insecure on you. Good luck!

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  • From a girl's perspective, even one who doesn't want too much contact I would be a bit sad if my lover said this to me...

    Is it really too hard to text her only once a day just to let her know you're thinking of her?

    Even just do that: Send her one a day "hey, was just thinking about you xox"

    That way you kind of get the best of both worlds - not much contact and she's still happy :)

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  • I'd just say exactly what you put in that last paragraph. Indicate that you do like her a lot and that you are attracted to her (i.e. make it clear that this isn't the "I'm feeling less attracted to you." conversation), but .

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  • Just tell her. Stop beating around the bush about it..

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    • Best answer

    • It's the truth. I would want my boyfriend to be honest with me and not tell me some lie. Means the relationship is a lie

  • Just tell her what you just said and tell her not to worry.

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  • ? That relationship. No nice way to put it. She loves you and you don't love her as much.

    Take charge change your routine of texting and let her follow. Not you follow her. Remember girls are multi taskers we do a lot and think nothing of it.

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    • this is a toxic mindset that will lead to many failed relationships. Guys communicate differently than women, and basing his love for you on your communication standards is not good. I've had plenty of women accuse me of not loving them because I didn't text a lot, when that could have been further from the truth. Most men just don't like texting that much which stems from the fact that men do not bond through communication. Endorphines aren't released in men during communication.

  • If you really love her you will text her everyday

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    • Girls are so clingy.

    • Yeah that's not true. I can go days without texting a girl that I'm madly in love with, because texting doesn't make me feel any better about not being around her. Guys don't bond through communication like girls do, so we don't view it as a talking=love equation.

  • if talking to her every day is too much I think that's kind of unreasonable considering you are in a relationship.

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    • I get that, but sometimes people get busy and sometimes people want personal space to be alone. Or maybe we don't have to text every single night if we've spoken/texted earlier in the day.

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    • So how do I nicely tell her I don't want to text every night?

    • Let me ask you this, what do you think your parents did before cell phones? I'm sure they didn't talk every day. Girls seem to think that because its possible, that its required. Should you talk just about every day, sure, I won't deny that, but is constant texting required for a healthy relationship, no. You also have to understand is it doesn't have the same effect on men. Men do not bond through communication like women do.

What Guys Said 3

  • I think you just need to tell her that you don't want to contact everyday just the way you told us. Tell her you love her and everything and that its not that you're not attracted to her but that you would just like a little more independence.

    Also a another solution to this could be having a phone call conversation later in the evening if you aren't busy and then just catch up on one another days really quick. Its more intimate, quick and you get to hear one another voice and you'll still have the time and independence to hang with your buddies and not have to worry about texts. Hope this helps :)

    personally I think the 2nd option would go over better and hurt her feelings less, the first option could be taken the wrong way.

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  • I HATE texting about mundane everyday occurences. It gets silly REAL QUICK. If an "I LOVE YOU" is tied to an important update via text, I'll shoot an "I LOVE YOU TOO" back, otherwise it doesn't fly with me. I'd rather give my girl a call & actually speak. Textually Active women drive me up the wall. I don't want to type, I just want to hear her voice! You've gotta lay down the law my friend. She'll text you into oblivion if you don't!

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  • Are you sure she will be upset if you don't answer one of her texts? Maybe you're the one who's making a big deal about those texts. If she wants to text, let her text. Just don't stay anxious and waiting for her text. Do your life, if you see her text and you feel like you want to answer, go for it. If you don't see it or you don't feel the need to answer, let it be.

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