Who should have paid for the coffee?

I went out on a date with this guy...he asked me out. We went to a cafe, and stayed for a couple of hours. At the end of the date, when the waiter came, my date asked for two bills. I think even the waiter found it a little strange, because when he came back, he put both bills in front of my date. My date proceeded to give me my bill.

So I paid for my coffee (which came to $4). My question is, who should have paid for that coffee? I know that a guy shouldn't be the one to always pay. When I am in a relationship with someone, I never make the guy pay for everything...I pay for my fair share and everything comes out pretty much even over time.

But this was a first date, he asked me out, and it wasn't very much ($4). Would dating etiquette, or at the very least politeness, dictate that he should have taken care of my coffee? He isn't hurting for money...he recently bought a new Audi.

At the end of the date, he thanked me for a nice time, but didn't say he'll call. So perhaps he didn't feel like we "clicked." But even so, wouldn't the gentlemanly thing to do is to pick up both tabs?

What do you think?


0|0
4|9

Most Helpful Guy

  • Three guesses:

    1) He didn't think you clicked, though I don't know, a couple of hours coffee date is a long date if you're not into it. The point of a coffee date is that you can bail out in 30 minutes if its not going anywhere.

    2) Its not about $4. But he has more problem getting rid of gold diggers then he has getting women. So by not spending money on dates he filters out women who are into him for his money. If he loses a few decent but traditional on the way, so be it. So its a test.

    3) He may have found (or believe) that women find him more attractive when he seems less eager and is more of a challenge, while guys who spend money on women are more likely to seem like they are trying to buy her interest because they're not as desirable.

    0|1
    1|0

What Guys Said 8

  • there should be no expectations on either party on a 1st date to presume wht the other person will do. you should always assume that you are going to pay your half unless it's been discussed beforehand

    now he probably should've brought up the subject with you before the issue was at hand. it is an awkward moment to ask for two bills. What each person who answers would or would not pay is really irrelevant. Men and women on first dates should presume that they have to pay for their bill. While I always am first to offer to pay for a meal on a first date I was very turned off at women who assumed it was "gentlemanly" duty to foot the bill. I am a gentleman by nature not by expectation

    and ps...f*ck any waiter who presumes someone is going to pay a bill. their job is to serve that's it. when I was waiting tables at a "fancy" country club I was taught to never put the bill in front of one person. put it on the edge the table between group.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd usually pay for both, a lot of people have different views though... Some people think the person who asked the other out should pay for the date, some thing it should be taken in turns. I've dated girls who were refusing to let me pay and insisted we split everything. Although I wouldn't say I wasn't hurting for money because I'd bought a new car... Mainly because that's probably cost/is costing me a good lot of money.

    0|0
    0|0
  • My guess is he's just clueless, and it never even occurred to him to offer to pay. I don't think *anyone* would intentionally make a big deal about a cup of coffee.

    Personally, with something like coffee, I'm going to pay even it's not a date (or even a girl for that matter), and they'll get it next time - just because it's less hassle for the waiter, as much as anything.

    1|0
    0|0
  • If it was the first date and your bill was only 4 dollars and he just bought a new car he definitely should have paid for it

    2|0
    0|1
  • Is it polite for you to assume he should buy your coffee?

    0|1
    0|0
  • So it was just $4 dollars and it drove you to this? That's kind of ironic. Look, the business does not care who pays, the reader's will pretend to care who pays, and honestly because of the price even you and he probably do not care who pays. You already know the etiquette based answers. Why are you really asking this question?

    0|0
    0|0
    • I am asking not because of the money, but really to judge the actions of that person. The $4 dollars is not the issue...the issue is if this person is someone who will be respectful in the long run.

      Plus, if you're going to have a rude answer, at least learn to write correctly. The plural of reader is "readers." You don't use the apostrophe in this case.

    • Good catch; I didn't even notice I did it!

      That aside do you really intend to judge someone's character by something so small? The observation was correct, it has nothing to do with your question, and all your details are rot. You want to know specifically if it was respectful of him but of course this is shortsighted as you're basing it on $4 and perhaps a differing in opinion. You see it as a "first date" and he may see it as simply "a get together" with a date in his mind involving food.

    • I'll keep it simple: You've nothing to really judge him on.

  • In my opinion, it was a very cheap move from him, which might have been guided by the fact he didn't click with you, which says a lot more about him, in a way.

    0|0
    0|1
  • I have no problem with what he did. That's what I would have done. I don't wanna pay for a girls stuff. Many girls expect the guy to pay and I find that rude as I never expect the girl to pay for what I got. If a girl makes a problem about paying her fair share its not worth it. He did ask you out on the date and people expect that person to pay but you should also be greatful that he planned the date and be fine paying for what you got. If he didn't plan the date you two might have never gotten to know each other if your uncomfortable asking for a date

    0|0
    1|0

What Girls Said 4

  • I guess I'm old-school...I expect the person doing the asking to do the paying, and that goes for me, as well.

    If I ask a guy to go to the movies with me, for example, then I intend to pay. I can't even imagine getting to the box office, buying myself a ticket, then turning to look at him expectantly if I had been the one who asked.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It was pretty rude of him to just push the tab over on to you.

    I think that when you go out to eat or go out for coffee with anyone, and it isn't decided beforehand that they're paying, you should always come prepared to pay for your own food.

    2|0
    0|0
  • I think it is his indirect way of saying that he is not interested after talking to you for the couple of hours,especially if he's rich.

    Did you say anything wrong?Sorry but this is what I think.

    I would rather that he didin't pay for the coffee if he finds that he's actually not interested in me anymore at the end of the date,even if it's a first date.I don't want any free things from a guy who is not interested in me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He asked you out for coffee then was to cheap to pay? Would be the last date if it was me.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...