Guys, would you rather have a needy girl or the complete opposite (emotionally detached)?

sometimes my boyfriend and I can go for not talking for days and I am just wondering if its normal. I don't text him very often and act quite distant sometimes but when we DO talk, it's always stable and I show that I do like him. I am just very not needy or clingy and quite aloof. I don't care for other guys and I think he gets that. He usually is the one to text me (I sometimes do him). I was way more initiative in the beginning of our dating.

SO, Guys..would you rather have a needy girl or emotionally detached girl? I just don't know how to open up with him ..Ive never really gotten lose to any guy before and I don't know how to change that :/ I wish I was more emotionally available ...

Should I be more affectionate with him? Should I text him more? and show him that I care? I feel like that sometimes I just bottle it up and I don't want to anymore...

whats your advice:)thanks


0|0
1|16

Most Helpful Guy

  • Both extremes suck honestly so I would go with neither. However, I would more than likely end up with the needy girl because the emotionally unattached girl would make me feel like a necrophiliac.

    Needy girls are annoying as hell. But your situation is just you getting more in tune with a relationship. You should definitely do what you're looking to do(open up, etc). It's not needy. I dated needy. It was a nightmare. She wanted to hang out way too often to the point where I couldn't afford it anymore and then got mad at me for it. Hours upon hours of her rambling on the phone yelling at me and I was never allowed to get a word in(for 30+mins at a time of her rambling) or I was "interrupting."

    The emotionally unattached girls make me want to say "See a therapist and work your sh*t out if you want to date." They contribute zero to the relationship and I get super bored.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 15

  • neither. It never has to be one or the other, I'm definitely in between the lines on this one. Both needy and emotionally detached have something that I couldn't stand. All the girls/women I meet are generally don't show any interest even after I prove to them that I've got the balls to go over to her and talk with her the best I can.

    It's like they want me to prove to them I'm their Hercules or something. Climb the tallest mountain, swim across the widest river, build the strongest bridge for them, etc. It's like they still think their life is a Disney movie and their prince will just swoop them into their arms and live happily ever after...

    Truth is, I honestly have no clue how to talk to girls without having to be the engine to the whole conversation. It's not like I know them enough to keep a casual conversation, so I just "go with the flow" the best I can without making a fool of myself. I just can't be that *spark* to them and have them ask questions back.

    You know what I mean?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd say be what you are, just as long as you understand yourself, are able to explain it to him and most importantly he understands it. Don't go through too much of change else you'll lose sight of your individuality.

    My woman used to be something like you and I used to get even scolded for texting / calling her all the while to check on how's her day going etc but she used to love it too though she displayed irritation (she said so too). But she'd hardly call or text and it was fine by me since I understood how she is - so it's cool (and she's the one I love now and forever)

    1|0
    0|0
  • Well, the easiest way to work on relationship issues, especially ones like yours is by communicating. If one of you wants your relationship to be more than what it is whether it is more openness, more sharing of emotions, more gifts, more touching, more sharing moments together, or even just more "I love you[s]" the best way to go about getting that is by first acknowledging that you or he or both of you would like more of it or even just some of it to be there if it isn't already.

    Sit down with him have a conversation about it, let him know you want more, let him know that you have been feeling like you want to be more open with him, if you're not sure how then tell him that too. If he loves you then he will understand and at the VERY least TRY to accommodate you. Ask him also what he wants out of the relationship, he may feel the same way, who knows he could even want you to just say "sup" to him more, but you won't know until you have that conversation.

    I wish you the best of luck and if there is anything I can do to assist you with your situation don't hesitate to let me know, I'll help however I can.

    I wish you the best of luck, GOD Bless.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If this works for you, don't worry about what you're "supposed" to be like. While the term "emotionally detached" seems negative, it strikes me that this is another way of saying "independent".

    Myself, I need to be around independent women. I don't do well with needy girls at all.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I would say I prefer the needy girl. Acting aloof feels me with anxiety and worrying that she is loosing interest and that her love - if there ever was one - is ebbing away :((((. I dread such anxiety that I think it is a major cause for me being single for such a long time because I prefer to be alone than have false dawns (thinking that I found someone great and special and than realize I was so wrong).

    3|0
    0|0
  • I would prefer needy to never available and rarely affectionate any time, x

    0|0
    0|0
  • absolutely prefer more aloof. Not that I like it but its much better than clingy.

    If he hasn't made an issue out of it, don't try to fix something that hasn't broke yet. Its all about open communication really

    1|0
    0|1
  • Like everyone else said, both extremes are unattractive. Personally, I value closeness and intimacy in a relationship, so I think I'd have a better chance at making it work with the needy girl.

    0|0
    0|0
  • neither, those are both really horrible sides of the personality spectrum. I don't want needy or cold detached girls. just want a girl who knows what she wants and is comfortable in her own skin, confident, independent

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'll take needy over a woman who is playing "hard to get" any day

    0|0
    0|0
  • Like the old butterfly saying goes: If you hold it to tight you will crush it and if you let go free it will fly away.

    It's a balancing act, especially in the beginning.

    I personally enjoy feeling wanted and try to convey the same feelings.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think balance is the key. You don't have to go on one side or the other. I think you aren't really in love with him, that's why you are OK not talking with him for days

    0|0
    0|0
    • so he is not "in love" either..

    • yeap probably since he is not complaining. All my girls couldn't go by without talking to me at least 2-3 times a day so I can't imagine so any days passing without talking with a girl I love

  • Neither extreme is preferable, but I would rather have too much space than not enough.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Neither.

    Life is about a balance.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Needy but I would love it if she doesn't mind dating a guy who is kinda needy clingy but that is doubtful

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 1

  • I think a relationship should be the same as a wave. With more affection one moment and the other almost nothing. You should find a balance with your partner. If she/he likes to have some time on his own for a couple of days and you like that as well, than you relation is fine. If you like to keep things to yourself but he doesn't like that, firstly he should say that if you aren't showing enough affection, second maybe he has made some gestures that he does not like that? The easiest way is just ask him if he thinks so and make it clear that you worry about that. Talk to someone who knows you and your boyfriend well. Maybe he or she can let you see it from a different perspective. Good luck sweetie. :D

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...