How big of a blow is it really when a girl turns down a date?

Does it honestly make you even somewhat resentful towards her? Or can you honestly say it's not a big deal and move forward with being friends? Will it always linger in the air when you are around her or is it forgotten immediately? I always feel so awkward when I don't want to date a guy and just want to know how guys really feel.


Most Helpful Guy

  • For some guys it's hurts more than others. For some guys, you turn them down and they get upset and hurt, and they kinda ask "why not me?" or they keep asking, thinking they'll wear you down.

    It's generally a good idea, no matter what, to just turn them down, but also make a distinction. In other words, if you're not interested right now, either because you don't like the event, don't want to go on that particular kind of date, or don't have the time, you should say so, truthfully, or maybe add a "Not this time, but maybe another time, perhaps?" just to give him an opportunity to try again. Elaborating your reasons why could help, just don't get too detailed, and don't lie.

    Also, if you are just not interested in dating HIM, ever, then you should just tell him that too. Because if you leave it open ended like you're just not interested right now, etc, then you leave an opportunity for him to get the idea he might have another chance, and he might ask you out again. It's better you tell him you're just not interested. Not interested in him, specifically. Explain that it's nothing personal, and he's probably alright, but he's not what you're looking for, or just plainly not his type, or something, but give a reason, and try to be nice about it, and don't lie.

    For me, I don't take it personally. But if I ask a girl out, I only ask her out once. If I tell her that I have feelings for her, I only do it once. The way I see it, if I said it, she knows it, I don't need to repeat myself, so if she ever changes her mind, it's on her to ask me out or make some kind of move. I've already tried. She said no. I'm respecting that. I might even move on and find somebody else. I tend not to dwell on the girls who rejected me. It's not a blow to my ego. It's happened before, It will happen again, it happens to everybody. It's nothing personal.

    So how's this? Does this help you at all?

    • Well, I honestly just want/need to be single right now and I already told him that. So, I think you hit it exactly right. I guess I need to be more direct because not only do I want to be single, I'm not at all interested in him but trying to let him down indirectly didn't work at all. I guess it's better sooner than later, right.

    • Good. I'm glad I could help.

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What Guys Said 8

  • well id like to believe I'm more mature now I would take it with a grain of salt an move on. of course wed still be friends if we were in the first place. I know in the past I've ignored an avoided women who turned me down which is immature. if a guy truly likes you hell give any reason to be around you and will still want to be friends an will still enjoy your company

    • That's good to hear. I used to be the same way when I got turned down by a guy but I'd like to think I'm a little more mature than that now too :) and I'm glad to hear that you don't think it'll change the the way things were before!

  • honestly, you are askign the wrong crowd, There are loads of resentful men here that will try to tell you how you should be super gentle blah blah blah.. Were big boys and we can handle if you don't like us in that way. The guys that can't accept it and hate you for it? Well those types just showed you their true colors of being an a**hole right away, so be happy you just eliminated them right from the start.

  • I find it infuriating... so much so, that I've given up trying to really date anymore...

    A girl (woman - she's 34) did this to me back in August, and since then, I've had enough... I'll probably try again later this month, but Goddamn... I absolutely hate it.

    BUT despite all of this, I always always ALWAYS prefer for her to be straightforward - and to NEVER play the cold shoulder/silent treatment.

  • Completely depends on why she turned down the date.

    Did she turn it down beause it's finals week?

    Or did she turn it down, because it seemed "romantic" and she "wants to just be friends"?

    With the former, it's understandable.

    With the latter, she can find someone else to leech from.

  • It just plain sucks. And no-I don't feel resentful towards her.

    • Well, I'm sure it does suck but it sucks for us too when a guy we're into doesn't ask us out so we female feel your pain ;)

    • I don't like being the one to reject anyone. And I've done that to one within the past month and hated it. I'm not trying to justify anything, but after I had been burned the last time, I wasn't sure of anything. I hated it but I did it.

  • I feel bad for the rest of the day but I get over it. Honestly just say you're not interested, but you're glad he still approached you. That way the guy can just move on. It seems like girls have a hard time just being straight forward and honest. It makes me mad that I waste a bunch of time and effort for a month or two only to have her finally mention the boyfriend that she actually had all along. Usually I kill her with kindness after she turns me down and just leave her alone after that. I'll talk to her if she comes up to me but I won't bother to walk up to her anymore. I just end up making a fool out of myself and looking desperate when I do that.

  • It would be huge for me, but I am shy. If I ask a girl out, I'm taking a big leap, so you can imagine that would be pretty crushing. I wouldn't continue with a friendship though.

  • I don't become friends with girls I'm romantically interested in. So, I'm never in the situation of having to choose whether to stay friends, because we're not friends anyway.

    As for my emotions, no I don't care. I've hardened myself to it. I've had to, because I'm not so attractive that I can get success from just a couple of approaches. On average, it's been approximately one success for every 20 approaches. If I felt bad after each rejection, I'd be unable to continue. Even if the rejection is really nasty, I don't feel anything. Unfortunately, it also means that when I'm dating a girl, I don't really feel anything now anymore.

    • Wow, sounds like you and I would probably hit it off pretty well! I tend to not friend people I'm interested in either and have become pretty hard to my emotions the last few years as well.

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