My question is basically for the guys,married guys especially. There's a joke and it goes like this:"If a guy chooses a beautiful wife from 10 girls,there is still the pain of losing the other 9!" If this is accurate then I don't understand why do guys marry and settle down with one girl knowing they won't be able to date any one else after marriage.Why not just continue dating that girl! I have heard men are commitment phobic too. Also I have noticed guys don't get married for children and family(which most girls do!). So what is the real reason for putting a 'ring on it'?
P.S: My question is not for the religious people as I can understand their reasons!
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I have never had any eversion, phobia or hesitation towards a solid relationship. I want a good thing, and when I find a good thing, I stick with it. Yes, there are a lot of really gorgeous girls out there, and yes, on some minor level, I am still attracted to other women, but I'm not into them. Something switches off in my head when I'm in a good relationship. Where I only want the one I'm with, and have no desire to ruin it, so I don't.
I also do want to get married, and yes, I DO want to have kids, someday. I've been kinda hoping my fiancé and I one day soon can find a way to get married, and can hardly wait to have kids of my own, though I acknowledge that neither of us are quite prepared for it yet. Still, I want to one day, I do
For commitment phobias. I don't think it's entirely unfounded for men to worry about it. For one, men value their freedom. Everyone does. Some women seriously hate the idea of kids because they rather "enjoy [their] life".
But sticking with men, yeah there are a lot of people (both men and women, actually) who are conditioned to think pregnancy is like the second worst possible outcome of sex. (Y'know, after STDs/STIs) Plus, back on freedom, there is no denying that having to raise a child is in fact going to cut into your private life, your freedom, and you spare time, not to mention your money, and then there's all the destruction. It can be worth it, but it's not something everyone can deal with, and not everyone sees it as worth it.
Furthermore, relationships and marraige are both scary. There is no getting around the fact that divorce rates are higher, and while I always ALWAYS catch shit for bringing it up, in a hell of a lot of places, where the courts side very heavily on a woman's side. (Actually, not just in divorce court.) Heck, I had an uncle who lost his shirt to his divorce. My friend's dad got in an ugly divorce that left him bankrupted for over 20 years.
Considering divorce can get so ugly, marriage is scary, plus people in general change in a divorce, love turns to greed, pettiness, and spite. Even if she's not a digger. Prenups should help, but they don't, if you have a good lawyer. In some cases (and places) marriage isn't even necessary for someone to take your shirt. So with that, it's not even marraige, but relationships themselves that are scary.
When a guy does choose to marry a girl, reasons can vary. He could be like me and actually want it. He could have just reconsidered things, and his feelings changed over time. He could do it because he feels he has to, to avoid something worse. He could be pressured into it. It could be just to shut her up about marriage, and he's just throwing up a flag and saying "you win". Who knows. But naturally, unless he's with a good woman, and he doesn't suck himself, and unless he really wants it, and she really wants it, and they all do it for the right reasons, then it's naturally not going to work. But again, scary part is, there's still no guarantees.7
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