Suggestions for someone getting back to dating after a break?

Alright people, this is my current situation. I'm a 27year old man, single since 4 years. I was involved in a few relationships earlier, and also I never seemed to have trouble finding datable women or approaching them. But after my last breakup 4 years ago, I chose to remain single because I wanted to focus on my career (which was faltering at that time), and I felt that a relationship would be more of a distraction than an inspiration for me. So for 4 years, I completely focused on my career and stayed away from women (except for my relatives and close females friends with whom I had purely platonic relations).

Now, I'm doing reasonably well in my career (I'm a software developer), and also earn decently (although its nothing great). I've begun to feel a bit lonely, so I'd like to get back into the dating scene. But the problem is, I just don't seem to know where to

find approachable women, so I'm asking this question to get some tips.

I obviously don't want to approach random women in malls or parks, because I'd appear like a creep. And I wouldn't like to go to nightclubs/pubs/discos because I'm a teetotaler and also I find such placed too 'over-the-top' for my comfort. So apart from these, is there any other ways by which I can find a woman? Online dating is something I could consider, but I'd like to keep that as a last option only if I have been unsuccessful with everything else.

Also, I seem to have lost a lot of confidence when it comes to women, probably because I have stayed away from dating for too long. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I'm the same man who used to feel so confident and date really awesome women (I'm not talking about 'looks' here, because I'm not shallow) just a few years ago. Again, some advice regarding this would be really helpful.

Finally, at 27, I certainly feel that now I have to think about a 'soul-mate' rather than just random dating. I mean...I've had my share of fun during my younger days, so now I only want to have a serious, long term relationship which would lead to marriage. I don't really have the patience or emotional energy for 'trial-and-error' (dating a woman, breaking up, trying my luck with another woman etc.) because I'm an extremely emotional man who gets attached to people, and a break-up would leave me devastated and also shatter my confidence to approach another woman. Ideally I'd want to have a relationship for 2 or maximum 3 years, after which I'd like to get married to her and also have kids a few years down the line. I know I'm thinking too far ahead, but like I said, I want to settle down soon, and wouldn't want to go for the trial-and-error method.

So, please read my question completely, and provide whatever suggestions/tips/advices you can. I welcome answers from both men and women. Thanks in advance.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't rule out online dating. It's 2013, more people are meeting online now than they are in bars, or going out. It's a great tool to gauge a girl, or guy's personality before even having to meet them.

    You seem like an intelligent guy, so you should fair alright.

    I highly recommend signing up on some websites. I'm 31, and seeing how you're closing in on 30 the majority of the women online your age are going to be looking for serious commitment as well. Dating has its ups and downs. I'm a sensitive person as well, but you'll toughen up to it. It's trial and error, but eventually you'll meet someone who's on the same level as you are, and you'll hit it off!

    My theory is, why not have an online dating profile, as well as going out and meeting people? It never hurts to cover all the bases, the more options you have available, the better your chances are of meeting someone who fits what you're after.

    Best of luck to you!

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    • Thanks for your answer. I'm not 'against' online dating as such, but most people say that only 'losers' who are unable to find a date in real life resort to online dating as a last option before giving up. And I have also heard that the male-female ratio on dating sites is extremely skewed (like 100 males per one female), so most men never get responses, and the very few who do get responses are those having the looks equivalent to Bard Pitt or Tom Cruise, or those who extremely rich.

    • You have to remember, there's going to be "losers" anywhere. Bars, parties, friends of friends, and online. It's unavoidable. The majority of the people on dating websites are just regular people looking to meet someone. So I'd get that stigma out of your head. Yes, the ratio seems high comparing men to woman, however, there's A LOT of people, so it doesn't really matter. Just put some effort into your profile, and be creative. Woman are generally deeper than men, anyway. Have fun with it!

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