So nervous, what do I do? First date jitters

Where do I begin?

I was dating this not-so-nice man for three years. Well, needless to say, I started going back to school full-time and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. We didn't have a very good relationships and broke up nearly every week.

Needless to say, when I went back to school, I met this guy. We started talking after classes and slowly started hanging out after classes, etc. Meanwhile, I was still with this other guy. I didn't do anything bad, just innocent conversation, mildly flirting, at best.

So this guy I met at school, let's call him Mark. Well, Mark is smart, confident, funny, etc. etc. We get along really well and make each other laugh like crazy.

I had made it clear to Mark that my relationship with my ex, let's call him Frank, was on the outs. Mark would ask me why I was with someone who didn't treat me how I should be treated, listened to me because I was so smart and laughed at my jokes because I was so funny.

Flash forward a few weeks and I finally broke it off with Frank. I had to move out of the apartment and didn't get a chance to get everything out because I have been so busy. I got the majority of it but not all.

Mark has mentioned that he will treat me as a friend and lab partner until I have all of my items out of Frank's apartment.

Mark had told me that he would give me time to break it off and if I was ready, we could start something.

Well, Mark asked me out for a dinner and a movie for this weekend. Needless to say I am extremely nervous. Mark teases me and treats me like a friend. In fact, after every time we get together outside of class he shakes my hand at the end. It's as if he is making it a point to be friends.

But I am getting mixed messages because he asked me out for dinner and a movie. A friend wouldn't do that, right?

Also, when we were discussing what movies we should see or whether or not we should go out to eat he said, "I can't pay!" Now, mind you, he is a struggling student and is basically living off of student loans. In that sense, I understand that he can't pay. Let me also say that he has a very dry sense of humor that can be taken as malice if you don't realize he is just trying to be funny.

That said, I really like this guy. He is the first guy that I have ever felt is my intellectual equal. All of the guys I have dated are very attractive and that is about it. This guy has the full package for me: smarts and he is smoking hot.

So, back to the question. I have never been so nervous for a first date. I have told him that I am so nervous around him and I feel like a giddy little girl around him. How do I get over the nervousness? I think part of the nervousness is I am still unsure about whether or not he wants to be friends or something else.

We are going on a first date this weekend and I haven't had a first date in three years. I am out of practice and just so nervous!

What do I do?

What do I wear? lol

Should I offer to pay? Go Dutch?

Please help!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds to me that he likes you a lot. He probably held back to keep you from getting in trouble with the ex before that relationship was done with. He's patiently waited for you to break up with your ex. He's not going to bolt because you did something silly or made a wrong move. Just be yourself since clearly he likes that. Try to approach this from the perspective that someone likes you for who you are so you don't need to worry about all those things. In fact, if you tried to come off as polished and self-possessed, he'd probably like that less. You've been honest with him and there's no reason to stop now. If you feel that nervousness is getting in the way of being yourself, I think you can safely admit that to him and let him help you put the worries to rest. Play it by ear and it will ease into something natural. If you're not sure about paying, you can also ask about that, although technically since he invited you out, he should be expecting to pay at least his share.

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    • Thanks! I think you are right, he does like me more than friends. He made that clearer today.

      I like what you said about the fact that he likes me for me and I should keep it that way! Great advice:). Hopefully everything will go well! I am so nervous for the kiss though!

    • Also, he meant that he can't pay for me. He is a college student living off of student loans. I am perfectly capable of paying for my dinner and movie. Why not, right?

    • Sounds wonderful actually. Have a great time! And thanks for the BA!

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