I get too nervous around great guys, so Instead I deal with jerks. Any advice?

I get along really well with men, and have many close male friends. I hang out with dude's all the time, and feel completely comfortable around them. However, when it comes to dating, I get super anxious and self-conscious. If I really like a guy, and think he's great, I will probably be too scared to ever talk to him, or feel really awkward when I do. Guys have to work too hard, which usually turns them off or scares them away. This behavior keeps me chronically single, which sucks.

On the other had, if a guy is a jerk I feel less self-conscious, because I don't really care what they think since they're jerks. I know that might sound crazy, but as annoying as a jerk can be, the one thing I feel is less pressure. I've been hanging out with an attractive jerk, who would be the worst person on earth to actually date, but when I'm with him I can kinda just relax. It's a bad pattern, and I want to break it.

Any thoughts?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Yeah, you could try what they call reconditioning. It might take a little while, but basically, you need to approach more "great guys" and interact with them. If you do, your fear, anxiety, awkwardness, etc. will abate and eventually cease. You could try changing your thinking. Maybe try pretending the great guys are the jerks and the jerks are the good guys. You could try distracting yourself from your thoughts when you talk to good guys. There are a number of different psychological things that you could do. Look up conditioning on the internet and think of ways that you could employ those tactics.

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